Wait Patiently on the Lord by Sharon Espeseth

January 2020


Patience Is My Word for 2020

This year, before searching or consciously praying about a word for 2020, the theme of patience came to mind. Yes, I thought, I definitely could use more patience. Dealing with Hank’s medical concerns sometimes overwhelms me and makes me impatient--with dates and details, with more questions than answers, with no diagnosis and with no improvement in Hank’s health. Then I become impatient with myself for becoming impatient, because I know God is watching over us.

A Song to Go with My Word

When the word patience entered my mind, the song, O Rest in the Lord, also came to me. I didn’t know where the song came from, nor where I had learned it, but I could sing it by heart. The lyrics seemed short, so I wanted to find out more. Digging through my hymnals produced nothing. Searching online, however, I discovered this hymn was from the Oratorio of Elijah by Felix Mendelssohn.

This beautiful hymn has been stalking me like an ear worm--a good one--and pushing me to learn more about patience. I couldn’t find an url for the hymn to post here, but I found a beautiful rendition of it on YouTube: David Wigram, Boy Soprano, Mendelssohn, O Wait on the Lord.”


The Seed Is Planted

Seedlings by Markus Spiske of Unsplash

God had planted the seed and I knew I needed to learn more about patience and cultivate it in my life, which isn’t an easy one-shot effort. Patience is one of the fruits or “gifts” of the Spirit--along with love, joy, peace, kindness. . . (See Galatians 5:22 NRSV.) In the Amplified Bible (AMP), we get this amplification of patience: “not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting.

Did you read that, Sharon!

As a gift, patience, isn’t something we build on our own, although our participation and a thankful attitude will point us in the right direction. Even when we pray for this virtue, it may not come immediately. The framework is a gift from the Holy Spirit, but we need to nail on some boards ourselves. Soul searching and prayer would make good building material.

The first board might be to ask God’s forgiveness for my present impatience. Done. Another board, or maybe a whole wall, would be to stay close to God and fervently ask him, often, for patience in our present circumstances. This is where I see myself.

Why was I so impatient?

My husband, in his elder years, is overcome with weakness, vertigo, weight loss, disabling fatigue, and not surprising, depression. At 82 years, he is no longer well, and the way he feels isn’t entirely about his age.

Although we are supported by the kindness and prayers of friends and family, I am the one who is home with Hank. I feel his anguish and frustration and keep notes of observations that might help in discussions with doctors.

I am Hank's spouse, friend and confidante, lover, and caregiver. And Hank is all of these things to me as well. Having God’s blessing in the Sacrament of Marriage these past 44 years, we are thankful for each other and for the good relationship we continue to have--in spite of our challenges.

Royalty Free Vector Image

As caregiver, I look after him to the best of my knowledge and ability. I try to figure out foods that might tempt him to eat. I make and keep track of appointments, which sometimes need canceling or postponing when Hank isn’t up to attending. I do research about symptoms and meds. I enter into discussions with Hank's family doctor, specialists, pharmacists, and his psychologist, whom we see for talk therapy.









Reading between the lines. . .

You might gather that I’m trying to “fix” Hank’s health problems, which I know isn’t my job or in the realm of my capabilities. I also know that such “fixing,” even if it worked, wouldn't make him live forever.

Still I am hoping and praying for improved quality of life while he's here. Obviously, the fixing will be up to the doctors and God, of course, for intervention and healing, according to God's will. I pray that Hank will have strength for his days. I pray for God’s guidance for both of us and for the doctors.

I also pray for patience for me. . . 

Some days are harder for Hank than others. Those days are harder for me too. Sometimes the tears come. A diagnosis might lead to a medication or treatment that would help Hank or give us information on how to manage his symptoms better. We’ve been hoping and praying. . .

This is where my impatience comes in. (Lord, forgive me.) Hank has had so many tests and so many appointments and sometimes we seem no further ahead. We've had many appointments in Edmonton for tests and seeing specialists. These trips are exhausting for Hank and I am back in the driver’s seat after years of Hank being the main driver.




Giving Thanks

We may not have all the answers about Hank’s ill health, but we are thankful for what we have:

• faith in God who hears and answers pray

• that God is in charge and I am not

• support and prayers of family and friends

• good care in the hospital, which is about six blocks from home

• a good and caring doctor

• Hank's swallowing problem repaired 

• recently discovering that we can have more of Hank’s tests and specialist appointments through Telehealth at our local hospital

• sufficient funds for the necessaries of life

• that we still have one other and we can manage at home

• that I am healthy enough to care for Hank and to do what needs doing 

• that God has blessed us in the Sacrament of Marriage and in our commitment to one another 

Prayer: May we remember at all times to stand on God’s promises and patiently wait for him. Amen.

Dear Friends, 

Through this writing, which hasn’t been easy, and through the Holy Spirit, I believe my faith and patience have been strengthened. Last month, I was unable to write about this, so I have given you two blogs in one. Please forgive me for the length of my blog. 


February 2020

Where Do I Find Refreshment? 

Lifting my eyes to the mountains reminds me that God is watching over us.

Unsplash Photo by Lokansh Alma

As the psalmist says,

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains--

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

(Psalm 121:1-2 NIV)

As I read this and other Psalms, I’m reminded that God watches over us and will keep us from harm. The Lord is my strength and my shield, my light, my stronghold and my salvation. . . I am encouraged.

Building More Patience and Understanding (Additional/Optional References)

“For I know the plans I have says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

* * * * * * 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And he shall direct your paths."

(Proverbs 3: 5-6 NKJV) 

* * * * * * * 

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. (2 Peter 3:8 NIV)

* * * * * * * 

“The Lord will keep you from all harm--

he will watch over your life;

The Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore."

(Psalm 121: 7-8 NIV)

* * * * * * *

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:6-9 NRSV)

Prayer: May we, O Lord, trust in you and lean not on our own understanding. Help us to acknowledge you, Our Omniscient God, in all things, so that we may allow you to direct our paths.