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| A refreshing drive into the mountains - Highway 1 towards Canmore, Alberta |
My oncologist tried to reassure me, "It is not unusual for cancer survivors to be nervous about cancer returning." She was right about that. I thought I had beaten cancer in 2001 once and for all, but with the diagnosis last year, I wasn't sure anymore.
"It's not metastatic." she said. Meaning that my endometrial cancer was not a result of a spread of cancer to other organs in my body from my battle with breast cancer, it was an entirely new fight.
"What does that even mean?" I asked.
"It's just dumb luck you got cancer twice," she said. Funny. I had heard the same phrase from my surgical oncologist in 2001 when I asked how I could have gotten breast cancer. "Dumb luck," he had said.
I don't believe in luck. I whispered to myself. "I don't need any more of that kind of "luck"." I said aloud.
"No kidding, right?" she grinned and patted my knee.
Still, it's like an icy presence looking over my shoulder playing peek-a-boo with my emotions. Would I feel it at every doctor's visit from now on? The fear, along with the half expected words, "It's back."
She patted my knee again. "You're doing great! I also think you can come off the blood thinner injections AND I don't need to see you for another four months."
My husband smiled. He has been with me to every treatment, every appointment, and I could see the relief in his eyes. He has never been a fan of hospitals and knowing we don't have to be near one for four months (God willing) was a huge relief. I thought about the fact I don't have to give myself needles anymore. A huge weight lifted off of me. I mentally pushed those icy fingers off of my shoulders and felt lighter in mind, body and spirit. Throughout those challenging months of treatments, I had longed and prayed for the recovery phase. Now it seemed I finally had the confidence to move past recovery to another level of wellness: refreshment. I praised God as we left the cancer clinic and the words to one of my favourite hymns immediately came to mind:
"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
there is no shadow of turning with thee;
thou changest not, they compassions, they fail not;
as thou hast been thou forever wilt be.
Great is thy faithfulness!
Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
all I have needed thy hand hath provided--
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!"
The mountains beckoned to us a couple days later. The normalcy of taking a scenic drive, having lunch with my husband, planning future excursions together, dreaming, drinking in all the sights and sounds around us, we both felt invigorated. I felt refreshed. I praised God for the day, for the week, for allowing me to experience this new season of refreshment. The warm, Chinook wind lifted my wig nearly off my head, so I discarded it and have not worn it since. It is like shedding another layer, discarding another reminder, another symbol of what I have battled and beaten again. My newly sprouted, extremely short, dark hair is a "fashion statement", as my husband calls it. "Show it off!" he said.
I am enjoying this Season of Refreshment by doing some early spring cleaning, embracing the days with renewed energy. God continues to comfort me through His people, and His Word. Worshiping God through song, I am ever mindful that He is faithful. Once again, I have experienced His compassions and I am now renewed.
"Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
join with all nature in manifold witness
to thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is thy faithfulness!
Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
all I have needed thy hand hath provided--
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!"
Source: Trinity Psalter Hymnal #245
Thomas O. Chisholm (1923) Public Domain
Lamentations 3:22-23
Lynn, your post-cancer treatment response brings back memories of my own cancer journey some 17 years ago. Not until I was "fired" by my oncologist about 5 years ago did I come out from under the fear of non-Hodgkins lymphoma returning. (although I am well aware there can still be a reoccurrence) The season of refreshment you write of is an ongoing one for me, even after all this time. Life is sweeter because of my cancer experience and I hope I never lose the the wonder of it. May God continue His healing refreshment in your life.
ReplyDeleteThank-you, Valerie for your encouraging words!
DeleteThank you for your encouragement Lynn. I, too, love that hymn! As I go through my own 'second bout' with heart disease, I can relate somewhat. The first time was a profoundly spiritual experience for me which I thank God for because of the growth and closeness I felt. This time around I am a bit more 'down' emotionally - not something I am used to. However, your reminder that God is faithful is just what I needed today.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your struggle too, Tracy. Will pray!
DeleteThanks for sharing your ongoing battle with cancer these last months, Lynn. And thanks for sharing how God has been with you. As I read how your doctor gave you a clean bill of health, I felt with you, "A huge weight lifted off of me". God gave you His presence in the middle of your cancer, and does so now as you wrote, "it seemed I finally had the confidence to move past recovery to another level of wellness: refreshment." "Great is Thy Faithfulness" has been God's word to you through all your journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sandi for the words of encouragement!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lynn, for sharing the good news about your being cancer free. When I got to your paragraph about the mountains, and life in general, beckoning to you, I let out a sigh of relief for you. And that’s when a smile spread across my face and the tears fell down my cheeks. It is those simple pleasures--a carefree, but thankful day out with your husband. Letting go of the wig is symbolic of letting go of many concerns. What a refreshing story. Thank you.
ReplyDelete