Blooming in the Dark ~ Valerie Ronald

image by Leuchtturm81 from Pixabay

A tiny yellow flower wobbled atop a skinny stem pushing stubbornly through a crack in the unyielding pavement. I stopped to look at it, admiring its tenacity to sprout in such a hostile environment. I glimpsed hope in its brave stretch toward the sun. Could my dream of writing ever grow amid the relentless emotional abuse and humiliation I lived with every day? Could the seed of my creativity find a way to bloom in the dark?

During the years when I was raising children and trying to survive in a dysfunctional marriage, my writing ambitions were buried under constant struggles. As I limped from one crisis to another, my dreams faded from neglect. Whatever efforts I made to write were quickly crushed and ridiculed by my husband. He felt threatened by any personal pursuits I might have. In his version of marriage there was room for only one person to shine, and that was him. 

He did not succeed in completely stamping out the writer in me. I wrote often in my journal as a way to process my emotions. I wrote letters to friends and family. I even invented a game with my children where we wrote stories together. When I accepted Jesus into my life, I realized it was He who gave me the gift of writing. That is why the dream of being a writer never left me. As the giver of the gift, He would not let it die. 

Eventually, my children and I were left more on our own as my husband chased his selfish pursuits. Although his neglect created new stress, his absence gave me time and freedom to begin writing for publication. The few of my articles accepted, and writing contests I won bolstered my depleted confidence, yet I felt guilty for keeping these small successes from my husband. When I finally told him, he insisted the only writing I should do was for his business, developing brochures and newsletters. According to him, personal creative writing stole from his income. 

I quit writing for publication and contests, but I still wrote in private. It was impossible for me not to write at all. The deep joy and fulfillment I experienced as I wrote could only come from God, who created me to write for Him. Time I spent reading His Word gave me limitless inspiration and material to write about. 

When my marriage reached its breaking point after numerous betrayals and emotional abuse, writing was a lifeline for me. I poured out my heart in my journal where I could honestly express my deepest struggles and emotions without being judged. 

Through this traumatic time God taught me deep truths about Himself that I would not trade for any number of easier days. Often my journal entries began with angry rants or great sadness, but in the process of writing down my feelings, the hurt and anger gradually transformed into prayers of gratitude and devotion. When I surrendered my circumstances to Almighty God, I knew I could trust Him to work them out for His good purposes. 

Those days are now a distant memory. Eventually I married a godly man who wholeheartedly supports my call to write. He encouraged me to publish a recently released book in which lessons I learned in the hard times show up in many of the devotional pieces. 

Whenever I see a flower growing out of a crack in the pavement I think about the tenacity of God-given hope. His purposes for the gift He has given us will not be set aside. Even if buried for a time, He keeps alive our desire to exercise and enjoy the gift, like a small seed buried under the pavement. Reaching for His light, it will bloom again.

Valerie Ronald writes from an old roll top desk in Portage la Prairie, Manitoba, with her tortoiseshell cat for a muse. A graduate of Langara College School of Journalism, she writes devotionals, fiction, and inspirational prose. Her purpose in writing is to encourage others to grow in their spiritual walk. She has recently published a devotional book, "Each Shining Moment - Lingering in God's Light."

Give Thanks Anyway by Carol Harrison

 

         photo by Carol Harrison

It’s the season when our thoughts are directed towards giving thanks. Yet it should be something we do continually. But the question becomes, “How do we accomplish that in the midst of the difficult times of life?”

One of the worst times in my writing journey happened decades ago. Yet it remains a vivid memory. A single comment from a teacher negated the good mark on my short story and I believed I couldn’t write well. A second comment a few months later along with a failing grade from an English professor convinced me of my inability to write. Thankfulness never entered my mind. Discouragement did. I stuffed my enjoyment of writing deep inside, telling myself I’d focus on passing my classes. I’d forget the idea I could write anything remotely reader friendly.

Looking back, I dwelt in that belief for a few decades before giving in to pressure from my husband to try and write. I argued I wasn’t a writer. I didn’t know how. He encouraged. I grumbled and then tried. Thankfulness didn’t enter my mind.

Then God sent others into my life to encourage and give direction in how to become unstuck. I began to learn what I’d hidden away for years. I learned lessons in giving thanks in between but in that one area involving writing, I remained unthankful; fearful of letting others reading what I wrote.

Over the years, God in his patience and mercy kept nudging me towards lessons in giving thanks in all situations including writing. I still struggle with being obedient to His command when life is hard and words won’t come. Yet God reminds me He’ll use my pain for His glory and my good when I give him the broken pieces of my life. I don’t have to like the dry times, the lack of ideas, and words to fill a blank space won’t appear but I still need to give thanks.

Then I remember to reread Psalm 103 and am reminded of all there is to give thanks to God for.

Psalm 103:2-5 (NIV)

² Praise the Lord, my soul and forget not all his benefits—

³ Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

⁴ Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,

⁵ Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Psalm continues with so many reasons to praise the Lord and give thanks for all God is and does for me. For that I can give thanks in all situations of my life, even when facing a blank page that waits for ideas and words.

Carol Harrison writes from her home in Saskatoon, SK. She enjoys reading, family times and history too.

By Lorilee Guenter

 

Photo by Lorilee Guenter;
Grasslands National Park

In the Psalms we often read a mix of lament and praise. David and others often cry out to God in difficult times. How long oh God, how long will you forsake me? How long must I face this alone? Even as they cry out, their words show they know they are not really alone. They just feel alone.

In Psalm 13:2 David cries, "how long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" By the end of the song, he will sing the Lord's praise, "for he has been good to me." There's no evidence in this psalm that David's situation has changed yet he trusts.

I wrestle with my thoughts. I cry out, "why Lord why do I have to face betrayal by my own mind, my own body? You created me in reverence with wonderful complexity (Psalm 139) so I can serve you, love you and glorify you. How Lord? How do I do that with a traitorous brain?"

I trust because I know in the depths of who I am, the place the Holy Spirit speaks, I know I am not walking this path alone. I know, but my traitorous humanity tries to convince me that my trust is misplaced. It calls me to turn away, to turn back. It councils me to trust only what I can see.

Like David, I'm learning not to stop at "how long?" But move through to, "even so I trust." I still sit with unchanged circumstances, my body falters, my brain betrays me. Even so I trust.

God is with me in the desert. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert after his baptism. He walked with the Israelites through the wilderness, leading them and teaching them. He walks with me, with us, even in the desert places. He is with us in the wilderness.

How long oh Lord, must I feel dry, ideas withered, stillborn? Challenging me to hide with sorrow for myself and for others. How long Lord, until I learned this lesson and can move on? And yet I trust. The answers don't come and yet I trust because I know I don't walk alone. I trust because the only one who can perfectly keep his promises, says he will be with me. And so in the middle of the storm, I will sing his praises as I trust. The Holy Spirit will walk this road with me.

Lorilee Guenter is a Saskatoon based artist and writer. Her writing stems from the many questions she finds herself pondering and from the things she observes on her wanderings. One such question is how did events she lived through become the subject of history. More of her writing can be found on her Substack.       

                                                                                                                   

Sincere and Prayerful, but Unprepared by Michelle Joy Teigrob

 

With the dream of winning a big-name secular contest several years ago, I sat down to write my story.

Hours sank away as I oh-so-carefully crafted my article. Like a carpenter putting together the most delicate fine furniture, I tried to select only the finest verbs and adjectives, glued together by the most exquisite sentence forms. Here’s just one example: “Her wing of polished, brown hair is hemmed by morning sunlight, but her face is shaded.”

I really did try to put out my writing best.

I also did not compromise my deeply-held values. My main message in the story is to show that we are all bound together as humans, regardless of our background and race. The story is based on my real-life experience of supporting a young refugee who is blind and cannot speak. While language and cultural differences loom like large walls all around us, his mother and I share tears of joy when the boy is heard saying a few words.

As I aim to do with all my writing, I prayed for God to guide and anoint my work.

In the end, despite my prayers, hard work, and good intentions, the story did not place at all in the contest.

It took several years before I could whisper sincere thanks that the article had not been recognized. My gratitude flowed as I realized that with my story I had been wading into a political tide that I was not prepared to handle. I had been writing sincerely but quite naively, and I see now God’s hand of protection.

Proverbs 19:2 says, “Zeal without knowledge is not good; a person who moves too quickly may go the wrong way” (NLT).

Having pure and prayerful hearts as we write is a must. It’s also wise to do our research and be astute about the possible implications of what we are publishing. This is where going slowly can be helpful as it gives us time to deeply think through all sides and angles of the content we are creating.

This is not to say we never publish for fear of backlash. Instead, I am learning, it is wise to be aware that we might receive backlash and are prayerfully prepared to respond.

As for that article I crafted with such diligence, I’ve since made revisions and shared it elsewhere. Potential political ramifications still exist, but I believe I am now better prepared to respond to them, with God’s help.

Michelle Joy Teigrob blogs on Substack and at michellejoybooks.ca. Her mission is to share true stories and articles from a heart seared by this message after being shattered by the deaths of 3 sisters: In the end, one thing will remain above all.