What's Next? by Carol Harrison

 

What’s Next?

 I shelved all dreams of writing, let alone being a published author, decades ago until they lay hidden under layers of dust and debris. I put pen to paper occasionally making journal notations or to keep track of necessary events, appointments, and reports for my children’s health or school activities, but not for public display or reading. But God had other plans and the push out of my comfort zone began a dozen years ago.

I pulled those reports. I read my journal ramblings and attempted to write because my husband and daughter challenged me to write a book about the journey with our youngest daughter and the amazing God-moments along the way. I started and hit delete more times than I can remember. I didn't dare to dream this book might become a reality. I dusted off what had once been the enjoyment of writing. I had hidden it so well for too many years and struggled as I began to listen as God directed me towards others who could help me relearn what I had forgotten. To be honest, I moved forward because of a push, multiple ones, and I am embarrassed to say I went towards that hazy dream with tears flowing and negative monkey voices drowning out God’s still small voice on too many days.

 The first published piece, Amee’s Story went on sale in January 2010. Family members begged me to write more stories to preserve family memories. I accepted these requests, some of which ended up published in anthologies and a larger dream began to take shape. But now that I have been pushed

beyond anything I dreamed or imagined, and my writing has been unleashed beyond the boundaries which kept it hidden from view for decades of time, what's next? I hesitated to dream about more.

Then this blog prompt about our writing dreams appeared in my in-box. It forced me to examine what holds me back from reaching out to embrace them as well as what distractions keep the dreams from becoming reality. I asked myself, “What’s next? What’s left to work on?” and struggled to find an answer. I know I am a storyteller and believe I need to be a good steward of that God-given ability but what should it look like? Do I have any other dreams to achieve, and if so, how can I move towards them? These last years have taken me places I never expected to be. I have accomplished a lot, thanks to grandchildren challenging, encouraging, and keeping me accountable when I want to hide behind, “I can’t do that!”  

They’ve asked for me to attend poetry workshops with them. After attending these workshops together, I ended up with a few published poems. My grandson insisted I could and should write a fiction story. It took years until I allowed the novel to be read by anyone, then edited, and now published. So, what’s next? The second novel in the series is written in rough. More poems are waiting for edits. The grandchildren affirmed what they see in me and I can do no less than try what they suggest.

Questions and negative voices still flit through my mind. “you’re too old to still have dreams  about writing to publish!” and “you don’t have enough training” or “you don’t know enough” so maybe you should shelf everything once again and allow the dust bunnies to gather for a convention.

I allowed excuses of not knowing enough to make me look for training opportunities, gather with others to learn from them, and attempt to emulate my favourite authors. Yet I am not them. My writing voice must be my own. My husband finally told me a few years ago, “You need to use what you already know and not just study more.”

I believe continuing to learn and grow in the craft of writing helps the storytelling become stronger and keeps poor quality writing and published works from hindering the audience’s enjoyment of the piece. This is commendable and encouraged in any creative activity. We don’t want to stagnate. But if all I do is study the craft and never practice it, the stories and lessons remain hidden. No one can enjoy them or be educated and encouraged by them. Balance becomes a key to finding my dreams and implementing them so I can move forward. How do you find the balance between learning the writing craft and putting what you know to use? Sit and write. Learn as you edit and review. Then sit and write some more.

As I thought about that negative voice that told me to give up because of my age, God provided many affirmations, including reading about various authors and their journeys to being published. Laura Ingalls Wilder published the first of her Little House series at the age of sixty-five. As I read the bio of J.A. Jance, a mainstream author my husband enjoys reading, I learned how her love of writing as a child and teen was frustrated in college and then by her husband. For eleven years of married life she wrote for herself. Later, as a single mom, she wrote from 4 -7 a.m. and her first published book appeared in 1985. She would have been around forty. Her prolific writing career since then includes short stories, poems, and about sixty-three full length novels.

As I read about these and other writers whose journeys contained road-blocks from inside themselves and dropped in place by others, I knew that the negative voices helped me voice excuses about why not to dream, write more, or understand the capabilities God gave me. The excuses of not being good enough, young enough, or know enough about marketing the books after publication dim the dream to the point of giving up. So instead of saying “one more class", or procrastinating, or comparing myself to other writers and feel like I don't measure up, I need to spend time in prayer asking God to guide the steps I must take to tell the story He places in my heart and mind. I need to realize that I am uniquely created to be me and not a copy of anyone else. 

Then comes goal setting. A dream cannot become reality unless I take that step of faith and start working on short and long term goals towards a final project. My actions dictate whether more writing and the marketing of what I write stays a dream or moves into the realm of possibility. It’s time to quiet the negative monkey voices chattering in my mind through prayer, preparation, planning, and preventing procrastination from taking over. No more distracting myself with excuses. Continue to accept those challenges from the grandchildren. How can I tell them to pursue their dreams, use their abilities, and share those with others, if I am unwilling to move out of the comfort zone of “I’ve done enough.” It’s time to dream again. What’s next?

My dream is to tell the stories that will share the good news of the gospel and encourage others. Riches, fame, and comparison never satisfy like being faithful to what God sets before me, even when it pushes me out of my comfort zone is where my dreams need to focus on. I don't know what this might look like but God does and He will do more than I can ever dream of as long as I am willing to be available and obedient.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3: 20,21

 

Carol Harrison writes, dreams, and tells stories from her home in Saskatoon. She credits her family for pushing her into sharing her stories in written form and keeping her accountable to use her storytelling to encourage, entertain, and educate others. She finds stories in everything around her including the antics of her children and grandchildren.