A Word Journey - Gloria Guest

 

I love words. I’m a word person to the core of my being. My love language (from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) is Words of Affirmation. Yet my personal journey with words has been a long and arduous one, often painful, but I have to admit also at times, fascinating.

There have been times when I simply had no words.

Times when my words have simmered too long in the back of mind, until I blew my top and out they came, not at all in the way that they would have, if I had given voice to them when I should have;

Times when my words were so buried deep within that even I did not know that they were there;

Times when I found the right ones to comfort someone in need or stand up for a cause;

But many more times when I didn’t.

Words have been frightening and empowering to me at the same time. Frightening because of the vulnerability I risk in sharing them and empowering because of the strength I feel when I take the plunge.

Sometimes I have regretted sharing my words, but I’ve always learned from it. Perhaps it’s not best to share some of my deeper thoughts with some people. Yet as a writer that leaves a bit of a conundrum. I am called to share my words. And something deep within me stirs me to share the hard ones. When I hesitate I can’t help but think of the times that I have been encouraged by the words of someone else. Words that may have been hard for them to speak. And so with the sharing of words and when to do it and with whom, also needs to come the learning of wisdom.

It’s a definite word journey. I go down one path and turn around when I realize it’s not for me. Another path I try, ends up leading nowhere. I’ve had my own unique experiences with words, each one leading somewhere else, although sometimes I hit a wall of sorts and struggle to find a way over or around or under. Prayer is the only way. And sometimes we need the help of a friend or a counsellor.

As a small child my words were stifled. “Children are to be seen and not heard,” was a common mantra from my father. A few years later, my words were buried deep within my six year old heart, when I witnessed something I shouldn’t have. Those words built a cocoon around themselves, where not even a whisper could escape,
and soon no memories of the event existed either. This is where complex childhood trauma takes shape; changing the actual brain development of a child, changing their personality and who they could become.

And so, my deepest journey with words, has taken me back meandering through hidden mazes in my past, wondering if it was even worth the time and incredible energy it took. I’ve had to sacrifice a lot of other things that I could have been doing but, now I can say, yes it has been…worth it. Words I never knew I needed to say, have been said, and in that came some of the greatest spiritual and emotional healing that I could not have imagined. Perhaps there are more words to find and to say. I’ve learned that God truly is the one who will help me find them and help me say them. And as part of that healing I’m praying that all of my other words will become…..better. I’m a work in progress and I’ve learned some ingrained patterns with my words that I’m wanting to change.

May God take you on your own journey with words; spoken or unspoken. He knows them all and holds them in His hands. He knows exactly what words are buried deep within your heart that you need to speak and He knows how to teach you what words to not speak or to whom you should speak them to.

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalms 19:14 (KJV)

Gloria shares her words from Caron Sk., while studying to obtain her editing certificate through the Simon Fraser University. She has published many of her words in newspapers articles and columns as a past reporter for various newspapers and in a couple of anthologies. Along with being a work in progress she also has a memoir in progress that she hopes to publish before her ink runs dry.