Experiencing Becoming by Lynn J Simpson

“Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.” Kurt Vonnegurt

The pastor on the monitor screen said in a voice that deepened with each word, “You - have -no - control.” I twirled my pen hovering over my notebook with printed blue words neatly set between black lines. Next to me, June muttered, “Ain’t that the truth.” I glanced over at Faye who was bent over her bible, fingers traveling under words. Roxanne’s eyes were fixed on the screen. Each of us were processing the teachings of Ecclesiastes, hearing the same words that mingle and skate in our minds differently. Every Tuesday evening we gather, currently studying this wisdom book of the bible. June’s story-telling keeps us attentive, Faye’s analysis keeps us thinking, Roxanne’s grounded nature keeps us real, and my curiosity keeps us diving deep for meaning. All of us have our unique ways to process and share what we learn. All of us are a sum of our experiences that teach us, grow us, and shape us 

I’ve been taking skating lessons. I thought I was doing better at the cross-over until a coach showed me differently. As soon as my foot crosses over, I immediately pick up my back foot to rebalance, when I should be able to balance with both blades on the ice. To get better at this, I hold onto my grand-daughter who can do a set of backward crossovers ending with waltz jump.  I cross over, holding on to her shoulder, with the hope one day I can let go and still be upright. So my Olympic dreams have been placed on hold until I master the cross-over. At 55 years old presently, and a lot of skills still to learn, I might be 75 years old before I can try-out. Maybe I should go for the record of the oldest athlete to try-out for the Olympics? What I do know is I may never be famous or even excellent at skating, but I might be good. And through skating badly I’ve learned about myself and the sport. I’ve become more appreciative of those two foot turns, and those last place finishers in competitions. I’ve experienced that you can still learn a new skill, become that athlete, artist, snowboarder, quilter, singer, flute player (you name it), no matter how well or badly. It’s the experience, not the money or fame, that motivates you to not quit. It’s the experience, as Kurt Vonnegut writes, that makes “your soul grow.”

Before I start writing each of these posts for Inscribe, I read one essay in Anne Lamont’s collection, Small Victories. Whether one likes what she writes or not, the artistry of her writing cannot be denied. Each word, sentence, and idea flows flawlessly into the theme, and she creates the suspense needed to keep a reader curious even in short essay pieces. Sometimes I’ll read one of her essays, and then read one of mine and think, “I should quit. I am never going to be skilled like her.”  And ain’t that the truth, the latter? ‘Cause I am not Anne. I also likely will never be famous or write as well as Anne. However, each time I experience writing, I can experience a new sentence, phrase, idea, word, and theme. I can bring out something within  me I hadn’t known was there. Through the act of writing, well or badly, I experience becoming - a becoming that God has already fully defined.  We can rest in the knowing that no matter our level of skill in any of our activities, He, (and He is good!) is in control. Our part is to not quit, but keep stepping into the experience. 

What helps you to keep stepping into experiencing (whether you do it well or badly) all that God has for you?