September 26, 2019

An End or a Beginning? - Marnie Pohlmann


The view from the top of the hill looking over the valley shows a landscape clothed in summer greens and autumn golds with deep red highlights shining in the afternoon’s pale sun. The air is still warm, but with an undertone encouraging longer sleeves as the breeze arouses goosebumps on my arms.

I’m not ready to let go of summer, especially as the long days did not bring enough time in the sun. Cloudy skies and raindrops discouraged me from enjoying lazy hours in a lawn chair. I’m not ready for the shorter days of fall that move too quickly into the cold white season.

Autumn has always been my favourite season. I love the smell of fresh paper and coloured pens as the stores fill with school supplies and the promise of new learning, experiences, and friendships. Fresh produce is plentiful and tasty. Activities I have enjoyed or wish to discover are beginning to be scheduled. A restful summer usually means I am energized for the busy change of seasons.

But not this year. This year I look in the mirror to see myself clothed in highlights of gray, sometimes silver as my hair catches the pale sun. I still feel young, but my aging skin needs longer sleeves as it thins and becomes marred.

I’m not ready to let go of youth, or even middle age, especially as that time of my life was not filled with long days of enjoyment. Sadness and tears discouraged me from growing to where I hoped I would be by this time. I’m not ready for the fall days of life that seem to move so quickly into the winter season.

As I considered this Autumn time of my life, I expected it would be more productive and enjoyable. I enjoy my work but am ready to leave it behind to make room in my days for other learning, experiences, and friendships. New opportunities are plentiful and exciting. Activities I once enjoyed or ones I wish to begin could be scheduled, but I do not have the energy to try them.

At this time in my life I see a tired woman who doesn’t know where the time went and has thin skin that reacts too often in ways that cause scars or bruises. Yet this is the season of life I am in. There is no going back to Spring or Summer. There is only Autumn, which will turn too quickly into old age. I don’t want this time of life to lead into a winter of discontent, so I ask God to develop in me a renewed love for life and the discipline to make this season one of growth, with productive activity in His plan. I may be aging, but I am not too old to learn new lessons about God and walking with Him in every season. I will continue to climb the hill, following the path God has appointed for me. I will take time to see the beauty of this present season rather than dwell on the losses of the past or predicting the trials of the future.

What about you?
Are you taking joy in the present season of your life?
Or are you hibernating, sleeping through the days as they are neither colourful nor filled with opportunity? 
Do you view the Autumn of life as a time for fresh growth, new experiences, and new connections?
Will you carry on in the direction God has been leading you in, knowing the road may be more difficult but trusting the view from the top of the hill will be clear and beautiful?
Are you content, treasuring your present season, seizing the opportunities God provides, and actively living through shortening days?

May God provide you with the assurance of His presence, which is all we need no matter our season of life.

14 comments:

  1. I try to be alert and look for God's blessings in each moment. Especially during times of stress, I try to find something good. :-)

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    1. That is a skill I am learning to sharpen. There is always something to be thankful for, but I am too often self-absorbed so not looking. Thanks for encouraging me to keep looking :D

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  2. This struck a chord. Sometimes i am too busy to stop and think about the fact that Autumn is upon me. When I do stop and think about it, I rush on so that i don't think about it too much! The beautiful picture that you painted and the fact that fall is your favourite season (and mine) makes me think that i should be more excited about what THIS season has to offer, not be longing for the past, or worrying about the coming "winter".

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    1. The change of season makes life busier than usual, I think, so often finds us unprepared. I may not have my summer clothes put away, but I can layer until I pull out warmer items. I may still need to harvest the garden, but I also start getting involved in autumn/winter activities. I find autumn to be a bit like New Years - a good time to reflect on where I am and what I should be involved with. Glad I'm not alone, Tracy.

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  3. This also resonates with me, I sense that more of us are finding Autumn not quite what we expected or hoped. Your line: "I’m not ready for the fall days of life that seem to move so quickly into the winter season" sums up what I think many of us are feeling. There is a sadness to it, and I too agree with the prayer request you included to ask God for "a renewed love for life and the discipline to make this season one of growth." Well said Marnie, and may our Loving Father continue to renew you. Thanks for writing!

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    1. Thank you, Jocelyn, for letting me know I am not alone in these feelings. I'm not sure why we are surprised that this time is not what we expected. In the past we dreamed of our knight in shining armour and the happily ever after home with cute kids and fulfilling work - yet we found our love's armour was tarnished, marriage is hard, cute kids still have dirty diapers and temper tantrums, and every job has dull components. I am learning to let go of MY plan to embrace whatever God's plan holds. Though I often start daydreaming of my own wishes again and again...

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  4. Thanks, Marnie, for putting some of my thoughts into words. I couldn’t say an enthusiastic “yes” to all of your questions, but I going to try, with God’s help, to "carry on in the direction God has been leading (me,) knowing the road may be more difficult but trusting the view from the top of the hill will be clear and beautiful. I am also going to try, with the Master’s guidance, to “be content, treasuring my present season, seizing the opportunities God provides, and actively living,” as much as possible, "through shortening days.”

    I may have to put these goals--written in bigger letters--on the fridge door. Although I am in later days of autumn, from yours, Marnie, I pray that each of us will find much gold in our autumn seasons. Blessings!

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  5. Yes, Sharon, may we find much gold in God's plan. I have a sister-in-law who assures me that every year is the best one yet - no matter the difficulties, she seems to be able to treasure that particular time, living in the present and what God has for her in those moments. That is a great encouragement to me as she (and you) go ahead on the path.

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  6. Marnie,
    Thanks for sharing your heart. It's hard to let go of our dreams and grapple with reality, but we will never be content until we do.
    "I may be aging, but I am not too old to learn new lessons about God and walking with Him in every season." May you continue to learn and grow and seek God's best in this season.

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    1. Thank you, Ruth. As Christians there is never a time we "arrive" while we live on this earth. We must continue to draw closer to God throughout our years until we are finally perfected in His presence. Knowing this journey never ends helps to quell some of the sadness of aging.

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  7. We share a love of Autumn, Marnie. Where did you take the picture at the top of your post?

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    1. If I remember correctly, that is a view of the Peace River taken one day a few years ago when Wally and I were driving along dirt roads around our town. The leaf-strewn road was one of those times,as well. Such beautiful country! Did you notice nature's question mark in the last photo? That was taken last month when we were at the Fall Conference.

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  8. Marnie, I enjoyed reading your lovely post. Appreciate your candour about this season of your life. I like the line you shared: "...so I ask God to develop in me a renewed love for life...".

    And it's my prayer that you will experience that very thing in your life, a renewed love for life, the life he still has for you. There's that old verse I'm just now reminded of from Isa 43:18+19: "Do not remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth..."

    I love autumnm, and I have loved the arrival of what I consider the early autumn of my life. When I turned 60 it was as if I'd been waiting for this season all of my life and so have been embracing it like a gift (even the aging arms--haha). Although it did arrive sooner than expected... I don't feel aged in my mind or heart.

    Wishing you a beautiful day. BTW, nice photos!
    Brenda

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    1. Brenda, I love your enthusiasm and thank you for your prayers. I look forward to God's new thing :D

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