The Gift of Depression by Karma Pratt

I don't know why. Depression is a strange beast in that there's no "valid" reason for what you're feeling. Feelings of sadness, malaise, lethargy, exhaustion make it difficult to accomplish the simplest tasks. It's like struggling to get out of bed with a soggy, heavy blanket wrapped around your head and shoulders. It's impossible to move and often it feels easier to just lay back down. And it doesn't make any sense.

I have struggled with depression for a long time. For many years I was my own harshest critic, continually blasting myself for not being capable of "pulling myself together." I embraced the "just try harder" mentality and failed at it so often. What a mess. Now I am kinder and gentler to myself. I offer myself the same kind of compassion that I would not hesitate to give another. 

The gift of depression is this: My experiences allow me to come alongside others who are struggling and be present for them. When nothing's making sense, it helps to know that you are not alone.

I've had many ups and downs over the years, but in the fall of 2016 I entered into a spiritual depression, a dark night of the soul. At the time it was very difficult to see past my own inertia. I knew what I needed to do on a day-to-day basis, but had no drive or ability to accomplish even the simplest task. I also knew enough about depression by then to know that I needed outside assistance, and I self-referred for mental health services. It was during this period that I was diagnosed with major depression. 

It took a long time to wade through the darkness, to gain enough strength to toss off that soggy blanket that was burying me. I could not do it on my own. 

When I felt most alone, that's when God was closest. In the midst of my difficulty He was there making a way. He surrounded me with praying, Christ-centered people at a time when I wasn't able to pray for myself. He gave me lifelines to cling to and opportunities to heal. Prophetic words were spoken over my life in that season that I continue to live out. Watching God's grace unfold in your life creates a calm presence that overcomes the darkness. 

Looking back, I believe God planted me in that darkness in order to show me who I am in Him. He needed me to know in my heart that I am His. The road is long and often difficult. The path is uncertain at the best of times. In a world of uncertainty, the one thing worth clinging to is the certainty of our sovereign God. 

The obstacle that once held me captive - depression - has become a way to shine a light for others. I am equipped to come alongside other people and say with complete honesty, "I hear you. I see you. I understand you." Life is hard, but we can do hard things. Together we will continue to lift up those soggy blankets and let the light in. 

I believe it's critically important to know who you are in Christ. Change will be fleeting and insubstantial if you do not know in your spirit that you belong to God. If you struggle with depression, know that you are not alone. There is help to be found. Our temporal problems are no problem for our eternal relationship with Jesus. Repeat after me: "The blood of Christ is in me." 

For by the blood of Christ we are set free, that is, our sins are forgiven. How great is the grace of God - Ephesians 1:7 (GNT)

Struggles and doubts will not cease to be, but we can rest assured that the peace of God is for us too. There's hope to be found in the darkness, and strength to be found in numbers. You are not alone. 

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Karma writes from the golden house in Northeastern BC. You can connect with her online at redraincoatcreations.com