The Gift of Depression by Karma Pratt

I don't know why. Depression is a strange beast in that there's no "valid" reason for what you're feeling. Feelings of sadness, malaise, lethargy, exhaustion make it difficult to accomplish the simplest tasks. It's like struggling to get out of bed with a soggy, heavy blanket wrapped around your head and shoulders. It's impossible to move and often it feels easier to just lay back down. And it doesn't make any sense.

I have struggled with depression for a long time. For many years I was my own harshest critic, continually blasting myself for not being capable of "pulling myself together." I embraced the "just try harder" mentality and failed at it so often. What a mess. Now I am kinder and gentler to myself. I offer myself the same kind of compassion that I would not hesitate to give another. 

The gift of depression is this: My experiences allow me to come alongside others who are struggling and be present for them. When nothing's making sense, it helps to know that you are not alone.

I've had many ups and downs over the years, but in the fall of 2016 I entered into a spiritual depression, a dark night of the soul. At the time it was very difficult to see past my own inertia. I knew what I needed to do on a day-to-day basis, but had no drive or ability to accomplish even the simplest task. I also knew enough about depression by then to know that I needed outside assistance, and I self-referred for mental health services. It was during this period that I was diagnosed with major depression. 

It took a long time to wade through the darkness, to gain enough strength to toss off that soggy blanket that was burying me. I could not do it on my own. 

When I felt most alone, that's when God was closest. In the midst of my difficulty He was there making a way. He surrounded me with praying, Christ-centered people at a time when I wasn't able to pray for myself. He gave me lifelines to cling to and opportunities to heal. Prophetic words were spoken over my life in that season that I continue to live out. Watching God's grace unfold in your life creates a calm presence that overcomes the darkness. 

Looking back, I believe God planted me in that darkness in order to show me who I am in Him. He needed me to know in my heart that I am His. The road is long and often difficult. The path is uncertain at the best of times. In a world of uncertainty, the one thing worth clinging to is the certainty of our sovereign God. 

The obstacle that once held me captive - depression - has become a way to shine a light for others. I am equipped to come alongside other people and say with complete honesty, "I hear you. I see you. I understand you." Life is hard, but we can do hard things. Together we will continue to lift up those soggy blankets and let the light in. 

I believe it's critically important to know who you are in Christ. Change will be fleeting and insubstantial if you do not know in your spirit that you belong to God. If you struggle with depression, know that you are not alone. There is help to be found. Our temporal problems are no problem for our eternal relationship with Jesus. Repeat after me: "The blood of Christ is in me." 

For by the blood of Christ we are set free, that is, our sins are forgiven. How great is the grace of God - Ephesians 1:7 (GNT)

Struggles and doubts will not cease to be, but we can rest assured that the peace of God is for us too. There's hope to be found in the darkness, and strength to be found in numbers. You are not alone. 

***

Karma writes from the golden house in Northeastern BC. You can connect with her online at redraincoatcreations.com 

In Winter's Dark by Marnie Pohlmann

I awaken slowly, the dream fading with my sleep. I am left discontent. Something is not right. I keep my eyes closed, trying to capture the trail of elusive thought, but it is gone.

Scars burn across my rib cage, pulling taut my skin and emotions. I huddle closer to the warmth of his body. We curl together in the dark to support one another. It is all the energy we have these days.

He trembles, perhaps from cold. I move my head from his shoulder and lay on his chest. His breathing keeps time with the thump, thump of his heartbeat, and I feel secure. My arm encircles his chest, once so muscular but now reduced to bony ribs. Concern flickers, constricting my heart. I reach to touch his cheek where the soft fuzz of his remaining whiskers assures me he is still the one I love. He twitches, like a dog dreaming in sleep. I wonder if he is reliving needles trying to find veins, or is running carefree in a preferred future. No matter. My thumb rubs along his jaw and he seems soothed.

I open my eyes, expecting to see only the dark of night. Insomnia has been our norm as we keep watch. Yet I am not surprised to see dawn shadows seeping through the thin curtains on the window. Time both hangs in suspension and rushes beyond the clock that measures our days. I hold my breath, attempting to stop time, to stay in this moment of calm.

The curtains riffle and settle with a quiet breeze. Soft gray light casts onto the ceiling. The shadow looks like a giant wing hovering above us. I let my breath out slowly, claiming the peace of this scene. Though days and nights appear black, we are not out in the dark alone, but are sheltered within the dark, like a chick sheltered under the wing of a hen.

Still, I do not rush to start the day, to search for the bright lights of gratitude that can be found even in the darkest pain. I snuggle closer to the one who travels this adventure with me. I am content to rest, to remain in this dark. I will continue to experience all that comes with the gloom.

Doubt,

depression,

anger,

grief,

fatigue.

I wrestle through the swamp of each day, struggling to not sink into a deeper shadow.

Unbelief,

despair,

bitterness,

mourning,

emptiness.

I know we remain victorious if we persevere. This part of our journey is unsettling, and even scary, yet I am not afraid. We are sheltered.

Someday, probably not today, but someday, I will write from these depths, so I treasure in my heart this moment of dusky peace amid turmoil. I am safe to experience even this while under the shadow of God’s wing.

Let me live forever in your sanctuary, safe beneath the shelter of your wings!

(Psalm 61:4)

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

(Psalm 91:4)

Marnie Pohlmann writes about how God’s presence makes all the difference. Read Marnie’s blog, Phosphorescent

The Bells Still Ring Peace – Ramona Heikel

This is a season of joy.

I don’t remember another year as full as this one of startling news around the world.  But that doesn’t change the fact that Jesus’ life and death cover every single person, group and nation that flash across our television, computer and cell phone screens.

As I’ve felt powerless over these past months when I see the violence and grief around the globe, I have felt God drawing me into praying about them.  My prayers typically begin, “Lord, I feel helpless, but I know that You are not helpless…”

To pray as practically and powerfully as possible, I have found help through certain scriptures and websites.  The website that has had the most powerful effect on me is called Prayer Ideas, where videos show scenes from various countries while a local believer prays for that country.  You can find it here.  Even though I work with many precious, gentle Muslim teens, I find it alarming to think about all those of that religion that are brutalizing others.  But while watching this video for the first time, I shed tears of joy as I listened to Middle East believers praying for God to deliver and change hardened hearts.  It reminds me that no matter how bleak the news reports are, there are just as many victories unreported of God’s grace and power in the lives of victims and perpetrators alike.  God is there, and He is at work accomplishing his will!

Some of the tools that help me pray, especially for the terrorists and the Middle East, are the prayers at  prayingscriptures.com, prayerideas.org, prayercast.com, and worldinprayer.org.  Psalm 10:12-18, Isaiah 55:3-13, Job 24:22-24 are some encouraging verses that I’ve copied and keep handy.

We can and do celebrate joyfully this Christmas season because we remember that Jesus accomplished the purpose for which he was born on this earth!

And in despair I bowed my head:

“There is no peace on earth,” I said,

“For hate is strong, and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Yet pealed the bells more loud and deep:

“God is not dead, nor does He sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men.”

Posted by Ramona     

www.happilywriting.com

[Image: the public domain image The Nativity by Federico Barocci (1526-1612) is courtesy of www.reuseableart.com .  The portion of the Christmas carol is from “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”, music by Jean Baptiste Calkin, lyrics by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]