Why do I write? I need
to sit and ponder the reasons. If I can.
To be truthful, I haven’t
entertained thoughts as to why I write. Until now. Writing has always been a
large part of my life, and a larger part of who I am. It is my best friend, and
to whom I seek when the events in my external world are impossible to fathom. It
is my Teddy Bear and fuzzy, warm blanket.
When my throat swells,
and I am unable to produce appropriate words, my fingers quiver, encouraging me
to find quiet corner and allow my feelings to express themselves on the paper
pad I always carry in my purse.
Since I give worship a
whole new meaning when I try to sing, I worship my Heavenly Father through my
words. Doing so allows me time to pause and dwell on each word or thought, not
just as I write it, but in the future as well. Often, when I reread my worship
words I pause, and wonder did I write
that?
I am an
introvert. I do not do well in large groups. I never learned the art of small
talk, nor do I enjoy listening to it. If I have something to say, I’ll say it,
which often gets me in trouble. After years of getting myself into deep water,
I’ve learned that I write much better than I talk, and by doing so, my life is much
smoother and less regretful.
I am also the middle
sibling, and the second daughter in our family, which made growing up with a
voice extremely difficult. Sometimes it felt like forever for me to get a word edgewise
into a conversation. When screaming “I’ve got something to say,” or stomping my
foot in frustration didn’t get me voice time, I turned to pencil and paper. It
worked like magic. I could finally state my opinion uninterrupted. Not that it
did me much good, because no one read it, but it did leave me feeling smug.
For me, writing is a
privilege. It is my calm in a storm, a bridge across deep water. Experience has
taught me it is the safest way to express myself. It fills hours in my day, and
always makes me smile when I type ‘the end’ of my latest story.
I love this line, "I worship my Heavenly Father through my words." (You have a lovely lyrical way with words, Eunice...) Keep on expressing yourself through them.
ReplyDeleteHi Eunice. I think we are alike in the introvert part of our being. I like your line, "I am an introvert. I do not do well in large groups. I never learned the art of small talk, nor do I enjoy listening to it." I chuckled reading it. I relate well here. It sounds like writing is an intimste companion for you. It is a wonderful companion to have. Keep on writing and enjoy the smiles. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Eunice. Great post. I've never actually thought about using my words to worship as you described here. It is very much like David in the Psalms and it has me thinking some in this direction in journaling so thanks for that :) ps. I too am a second daughter (of four) and can very much relate to middle child frustrations lol...I think I did manage to make my voice heard (as in yelling) but still not listened too...you were very mature to already know to write your words down.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Eunice. I got such a kick out of this. From reading your work, meeting you occasionally over the years, and recognizing how loving you are toward your sons, I never thought of you as the foot-stomping, yelling kind. Just like you, I am a middle child and the second daughter--second daughter of four like Gloria.
ReplyDeleteI also need time to chew on my words before I spit them out. I used to be an introvert, I think, but one thing that has slowed down my introversion was my curiosity to find out what makes other people tick. Asking questions takes the attention off me and satisfies my curiosity. When others are talking, I am less likely to get caught with my shoelaces caught between my teeth.
I enjoy your writing, because you tell it like it is. Thanks.