Dear Jesus:
Love is in the air. Well, I guess it’s out there; it certainly isn’t in me of late. I haven’t been bearing all things or enduring all things very well. Instead of kisses, there are complaints on my lips. There isn’t any kindness in me, only anger, irritability, short temperedness. Many things provoke me; get under my skin like a bad rash.
I could give several excuses for my attitude and behaviour: I’m tired, no, exhausted is more like it; I’m not well; doctors aren’t moving fast enough to help me – oh, yeah, I know there are others more ill than me and must be attended to first. My new career as a psychotherapist isn’t taking off on a run as I thought it would (was I wrong when I thought You called me). I’m carrying a burdensome debt because of the education to get this worthless piece of paper that says 'Master’s Degree' – big fat hurry deal! Now I’m working as a spare school bus driver (backup driver for those who can’t make it to work) and I’ve discovered there are many drivers taking time off – so, I’m up at 5:00 am and on the job by 6:30 am, filling in for someone five days a week – a different route, a different bus each week sometimes two or three different routes and buses in one week; in between driving, I race to my office to counsel a client who can’t pay, so I drive to pay the office rent, liability insurance, and memberships to keep my professional status – to be creditable.
I changed careers at the age of sixty-one! What was I thinking?
Regardless of how I’m feeling, you, Lord still love me. It is your love that sustains me. You never give up on me. You are always there for me. You patiently listen to my complaints then slip your loving arms around me drawing me close to you and whisper encouraging words in my ear. Forgive my complaining, my unthankfulness, and my insufficient communion with you. Jesus, you are all I need. I love You!
Your complaining rebellious little child,
Shirley
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Big smile on my face, Shirley! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who writes such love letters to Jesus.
ReplyDeleteYour words remind me of a statement our Lord give me just this weekend. "I want to be strong, but I don't want to become strong."
I think that applies to being a self-employed psychotherapist, too. (And good for you, by the way. Way to go!!!!)
Blessings on both your endeavours. May you richly impact that child the Lord puts in your path on the bus, and that client he brings to your office.
Bobbi
Oh... Shirley, you nailed your feelings down in words. What great therapy! I hope it felt good to release your thoughts and you are so right when you said that Jesus still loves you and you love him. A friend of mine once said to me, "God's got big shoulders" As you seek the love of Jesus, remember that he is gracious in placing people who love you in your path to share your burdens with you. Friends seen and unseen are truly an amazing gift from God.You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteShirley, thanks for sharing your heart with us. Life can be very confusing, frustrating, and stretching. Many times God brings us to the end of ourselves so that others will see HIM shining through our very broken, imperfect lives. May God continue to meet you and show you His love.
ReplyDeleteGod ways aren't our ways! Keep smiling and talking to God!
ReplyDeleteAs you approach God with your concerns, pray in confidence (your faith is strong) that He has a plan and dream big that He will open the doors for His glory in the job He planned for you.
ReplyDeleteHe is much much bigger than we can imagine.
I will pray too.
Many blessings,
janis www.janiscox.com
Thanks for sharing your heart. God knows and loves YOU!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest about how you complain to God. I've been doing that a lot the last few days too so I really appreciated knowing I'm not alone, and I"m complaining about the same thing - job challenges! I'm so thankful, like you said, that God puts his arms around us and whispers to us that He still loves us. Thank you for that reminder - I needed it today!
ReplyDeletePam Mytroen
Hi Shirley:
ReplyDeleteI'm reminded of the old hymn:
"The daily round, the common task,
Should furnish all we ought to ask."
But sometimes it just doesn't. We feel unfulfilled and unappreciated.
In many of those instances, I found later that God was setting the groundwork for something necessary or important later in life--perhaps much later, decades later.
God wastes nothing. Even our humdrum life, our setbacks and failures He can use for His glory.
I am constantly amazed how He can weave meaning from a seemingly tangled life as we wait on Him.
Bryan