Unfinished projects. They make me feel defeated, unsatisfied with who I am. I so often find myself frustrated with who I am. I have always related to a song sung by a frog (aka Jim Henson) called, “It’s Not Easy Bein’ Green.” I get it Kermit. I really do. I don’t find it easy being me (green) either.
Just as Kermit wished to be a more vibrant color that didn’t just blend in, after reading the accomplishments of my fellow Inscribers I often feel a little ‘green with envy’ and ‘green’ as in newbie, unaccomplished one, wishing to be one of the organized, disciplined ones; the ones that have projects on the go and manage to even complete some of them; the ones who actually publish their work instead of storing it in some poorly organized, forgotten file on their computer.
I do those things. I’ve spent some of my valuable time wondering why; but then, I still do them. As Paul laments in Romans, the things I know to do I don’t do….
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:21-25 NIV
I suspect there are many underlying reasons to my problem or to be more blunt as the apostle Paul, evil within. Because yes, any form of sin, including procrastination or anything that keeps us from doing what God asks of us, is in fact evil. I could blame it on a lack of praise for completed projects as a child by my parents, undervalued and unnoticed at school by teachers, and the list goes on. Somewhere I bought into the lie that my words should be kept to myself; perhaps even hoarded?
A ghastly thought. I’m a hoarder of words. I picture my brain as an overstuffed house filled with crumpled paper, trashed words lying around in heaps. Not pretty. It causes me to want to get out the mental/spiritual broom and start sweeping. Perhaps some of those articles I’ve stored away were never meant for other eyes. Perhaps they simply helped me through a rough patch. Perhaps some of those crumpled papers need to be rescued. Maybe they weren’t as bad as I thought. But if so, then they need to be treated with the dignity that they deserve; that I deserved as a child. They need to be noticed, to be polished up and submitted somewhere.
None of this is easy for me. Honestly I find life in general challenging Every. Single. Day. I am an incomplete project; which in fact we all are on the scale of life. However I know I am not meant to languish there. So what is my plan? I need to start by uncrumpling even just one piece of paper to share with others. One of my favorite verses about Jesus, the true author and finisher of all, points the way.
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2 KJV
I love that verse. It’s so complete. I hope it’s not sacra-religious to also add that I like how Kermit’s song ends; with a decision to be who he was meant to be. I may not ever be the most prolific author, the great novel writer or even simply the most organized, but with the help of Jesus, the one true author and finisher, I can be successful as me.