There are some stories
that have to be told before you can tell any other stories at all.
This seems to be the case
with my ‘first book.’ The one that stays with me awake or asleep, some of the
words written in short story form, some on various files on my computer or in
journals and the rest still in my heart, waiting to be released.
Release. That is what I
seem to be waiting for and needing. The parts written were all written during
moments when I knew that they could no longer just remain a part of me; and so
I wrote them down and sometimes even risked a critique or sharing them with
other writers or friends. Still, even if I got a good review, I knew that they
were only a part of a whole and so have never sought publication for any ‘part’
of my story.
My story begins I suppose
way back before I can even remember and ends……well there is no ending either in
my mind, dreams or heart. Perhaps that is the release I wait for. Am I waiting
for closure that will most likely never come? Or even less likely, a happy
ending? How do I adequately pen hope into such a story? Giving hope to others is the main reason that I want to write it.
My story is my memoir; a telling that I first thought was going to
be about my sister (and it does in many ways revolve around her). But I’ve since discovered, as the words have slowly
wound their way out of my heart onto paper, that it is really about me; my
experiences and point of view of the home I grew up in, my scattered memories
that came piece by piece together in my adult years like a puzzle.
Until it finally does
come together I find it hard to write other things. I have written a great many
newspaper articles in the past but that was a completely different and easier
genre for me to write in. But God has since closed that door and in spite of my
pounding on it and testing its immoveable door handle it seems to be remaining
in a locked position.
What to do? I took some
classes on writing and when it was fitting I squeezed in bits of my memoir for
the sake of the critique. The editorial comments were both helpful in wanting
to read more and challenging in wanting me to go even closer and deeper into
the subject matter. Those are the words that are still in my heart; waiting for
a release.
Where to go from here?
I’m not sure. I am striving to write a few other pieces even though the story
that really needs to be told still sits and waits. I am considering a sort of
motivational type book; a compilation of my many newspaper columns. Both good
and productive things that would perhaps get me flowing more and ultimately
help with my memoir. Or are they simply a diversion so I can let the story that
has to be told hide far back on the dusty shelf of forgetfulness?
I do know that I’ve been
in limbo far too long and so diversion or not I will try to move forward with
those two projects while I seek for the key of release to unlock the rest of my
story.
*I was dreading this post
but have actually found it cathartic and helpful to my inner musings as to just
what that key is. Thanks for listening. J
I've also found writing to be very cathartic, but as you say, sometimes there are pieces that seem just too personal. i would also encourage you to move ahead with the newspaper article idea. Sometimes a project that is totally different from the one in our hearts, is a good way to kickstart the other, and it does provide a feeling of accomplishment for moving forward.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gloria, for sharing your story. As I read, I deciphered that your journey hasn't taken you yet to the closure of your memoir-story. When you feel closure, you'll have a more complete perspective and that's the time to finish it up. I also agree with Tracy to go ahead with the newspaper idea.
ReplyDeleteI feel you heart in this piece - your longing to write and all of the stumbling blocks that have come your way. I'm intrigued by the mention of your sister and her place in the story that you once desired to want to write. I do hope you find the key to unlocking your stories.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting,good job and thanks for sharing such a good blog.your article is so convincing that I never stop myself to say something about it.You’re doing a great job.Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteGloria, I too hope that your key to release comes. Your first line: There are some stories that have to be told before you can tell any other stories at all-captured me. In some way you have answered your own question there, and yet I feel a connection to that limbo state you discuss. Blessings and I hope the writing continues. You have a story to share!!
ReplyDeleteI am responding to your closing remark, Gloria,that says, "I was dreading this post but have actually found it cathartic and helpful to my inner musings as to just what that key is." (The key to unlock the door to writing your story, which I've added here.) Your reaction to the prompt for July is similar to mine. Writing to the topic has roused me from my inertia in regard to my writing projects. In your case, you're saying you may need to go deeper with your own story and that may have been blocking you.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I am wondering how I will do the writing at this time when life seems complicated and I have other commitments. After writing the blog, however, I am thinking of my projects more more and wondering how I might fit it in. Dare I say that we are both gaining in optimism and opening our minds to possibilities. The Holy Spirit is an amazing problem solver when we turn a situation and our lives over to him.
Dear Gloria, I agree with Tracy about working on the articles while you wait for the go ahead on your other project. Thanks for you honesty about dreading writing this post. I also found this topic hard to write about.
ReplyDeleteBlessings ~ Wendy Mac