July 10, 2018

Hidden in My Cupboard by Sharon Espeseth

Sharon's Cupboard for Unfinished Books One and Two--Google Images
Just realizing the blog theme of first and/or hidden books was scheduled for July 2018 jangled my nerves. I procrastinated. With the deadline staring me in the nostrils, I needed to come to terms with the assignment. For accountability to my writing comrades, I hereby admit that I have two unfinished books hidden in my cupboards. These books exist and are in the cupboard for posterity to discover or discard, as they so choose.

Book One is a gathering-up of family stories written in memoir fashion. Some have been published and well-received by my readers; others have not seen the light of day. Book Two is a book of devotionals for Christian writers. Perhaps those of you who have written either of these two genres could weigh in on the viability of one or the other.

Leading up to my scheduled appearance of my blog, I went into a tangent of accountability and excuses for why I haven't finished these two, or any other, books. Like many of the rest of you, I have legitimate reasons/excuses why they are not in print. But then, so, I'm sure, could others of you who have written and published any number of books.

At this point in my life--I am no longer young--I don't know if these two books, or any other books by me, will get written. That's where I begin thrashing around in my sleep. With rapid dog-paddling motions, I began the debate.

Was it other priorities that got in the way of writing, or was it other people that got in my way, or was it other people's priorities that held me back, or was it my  allowing  life to keep getting in the way? By my not being firm enough, or not determined enough, or not dedicated enough, did I let other people, other priorities, or other people's priorities control my time and efforts?

Around and around I went.

Over the years, I can relate to all of the above. But rehashing them is a moot point. Here I am in my senior years and I have much for which to be thankful. I would also be thankful, I believe, if I had books to show for my efforts, but I am thankful for my faith, my family, my friends, my computer, the sunset that is fading and reminding I should be in bed.These are the real things, whether I get them down in writing or not.

Over the decades, I've spent time with good friends. I've enjoyed sunrise and summer evenings at the farm--sometimes with my pen in hand. Sometimes not.

I've baked a lot of bread. I've grown huge and healthy gardens with my family. I've cared for my elderly parents and a few other relatives. I've stayed married to the same man for 43 years. And I'm thankful for the man he is, even if I don't agree with him all the time.

We recently celebrated 43 years of marriage

I've raised three children, adopted as infants. I loved them when they scraped their knees and when they brought me dandelions. I loved them through and beyond their teen years. Each of our kids have a big spot in my heart. I've bounced grandchildren on my knee and celebrated their "birth days" and their birthdays. . .

Our Jenny with her daughter Isabella
and her new brother Logan.
I was there to witness and then write this interesting story
for Celebrate Life Magazine.

Others of you may have done all of this and written books too, but that is your life and not mine. God made each of us as individuals and he did not mean we should compare ourselves to others. Jesus gave us a new commandment: Love your neighbour as yourself. He didn't command us to love our neighbours and measure ourselves against them.

If I sound defensive, it's only because I've been having this argument with myself for years and I want to settle it once and for all. I love the people who write books, because what would I have to read if good people didn't write the books. I have written articles and blogs and poems and so on, but I haven't tried to squeeze my thoughts, ideas and stories between two covers. So far, I am not one of those writers, but that's okay. I may some day get Book One or Book Two or Book Three written, but if I don't, that's all right too.

Right now, I am too busy living today and being myself to get all of that figured out. Like others, my husband and I are having health challenges. But we know that "God has plans for each of us, plans to give us hope and a future, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

I continue to seek the kingdom of God and what he has to teach me. I know "all these things. . ." will be given to me as well. Therefore I do not need to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34 Paraphrased by me from NIV)

A Word and a Prayer for All of Us

May each of us abide in Christ and learn that it is good to "Trust in the Lord with all (our) hearts and lean not on (our) own understanding." May we submit to God so that "he will make (our) paths straight." 
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

I thank God for his love, wisdom, guidance and promise. I thank God for "all these things." Amen


  1. This is such a wonderfully honest and therefore encouraging post. The truth that each of us has been called to do OUR best - not someone else's - resonates

  2. Thanks, Tracy, for those encouraging words. It's taken me a long time to figure this out.

  3. Thank you Sharon, for your honesty. I'm so sorry the topic caused you such anguish. However, I share some of the same senitments as you do--getting on with life and not having a lot published. This summer I've been praying about my way forward with writing, and just now sense God's call to "get moving"!

  4. No need to apologize, Sandi. It's not you; it's me--that being a line from old romance movies, but it suits my circumstances. This was somewhat of a rant. My faith is strong, however, on this and I do believe that if I am meant to get a book published, God will help me line things up. I maybe didn't say that as well as I could have.

    My circumstances are teaching me to trust God and live more day to day. I also speak about this more in my by blog, "Day by Day" from January 10 of this year.

  5. My prayers go out to you, Sandra, as you listen to God's call to "get moving." May you blessed as you move ahead in your live and in your writing.

  6. I loved this Sharon. Truly we all have led different lives and have gone through different trials that brings us to where we are today. Your blog is honest yet full of hope. I also don't believe that we all 'have' to write a book to be successful as writers. Keep writing and see where it takes you. Blessings.

  7. Thanks, Gloria, for your encouraging words. Initially after posting this blog, I felt discouraged and I remember feeling down about this. I left it alone for a while. Then when I reread it myself a few days ago, I could see my faith and my own hope shining through. This is my story, but sometimes we don't know where God will take us in our lives. I am getting older, but I'm still here, and I suspect God isn't finished with me yet.

    Then, Gloria, you tell me, "Keep writing and see where it takes you." Amen.


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