For me, a new year is
an open, brand-new journal. A pretty one, because I like pretty. The prettier
my journal the harder I try to make each story or poem unique. At the end of each year, I
have a treasure house of my thoughts to read. Sadly, the more recent the
journals, the emptier the pages. Somehow, I’ve allowed myself to get off track.
My direction and discipline have packed up and gone on a trip.
I need a plan. One to keep
me on track. I though back over the
previous year. My well-intended writing time had been crowded out by other
things. Feeling ashamed of myself for allowing this to happen, I asked God to
help me in these areas this year. An
element of peace crept into me.
Then, alas, life set in.
The phone rang. My son
had suffered another medical episode. I grabbed my coat and keys and was out
the door in minutes. Hours later, I returned, totally exhausted. My laptop
remained on the ottoman right where I left it. The discipline and direction I’d promised myself earlier shriveled up, and I flopped across my bed, only to be
woken a few hours later. My son needed care. This went on for three days.
The following three days I flat-lined. Now, six days later, I retrieve my laptop
from the ottoman where I’d laid it all those days ago.
Prepared to continue
with my thoughts, I re-read what I’d written, but the discipline and direction
no longer felt so important or possible. I prayerfully stared at my screen
wondering if my writing days were withering. Self pity popped in to join me for
a cup of tea. The tea was delightful, and the conversation was all one-sided.
Mine. But, as the conversation moved on, little spots of light appeared and
grew. Self-pity excused herself for another appointment, and my mind kicked
into gear.
I have less control over my life than most people, so direction and discipline can be no more than an
illusive dream. Or I can dwell on them, and turn into an old hag. But I choose
not to. My prayer for this year has changed to, “Lord, help me recognize the
small openings in my life in which I can sit and write, and please enable my
mind to kick into its writing mode instantly.”
Life gets in the way, doesn't it... except... LIFE is what we write about. I have to confess to you that I LOVE your writing tone and the way you always weave your thoughts into a story. Keep on writing, my friend! You have lots to share and touch more people than you probably realize!
ReplyDeleteEunice your post moved me right from the beginning. I read it through a couple times and almost wept at the emotion I sense in your words. When you mentioned your son's "another medical episode" I was stopped in my thoughts. It reminds me of my daughter's life due to my granddaughter's "special needs" which often requires medical attention. Oh my, you captured my papa heart. Your last line where you pray, “Lord, help me recognize the small openings in my life in which I can sit and write, and please enable my mind to kick into its writing mode instantly” summarizes your passion as a writer. That's how I see it anyway. Please, please keep writing Eunice. Readers need your words. I know I do especially right now in my life.
ReplyDeleteEunice, I have not made time to read each blog yet this month, but yours popped up and opened automatically (somehow - God-how). Your opening about pretty journals made me smile, then I was caught looking into a mirror. "Sadly, the more recent the journals, the emptier the pages. Somehow, I’ve allowed myself to get off track. My direction and discipline have packed up and gone on a trip."
ReplyDeleteSo many times life interrupts writing - work, caring for others, housework... and even writing interrupts writing - minutes of meetings, information for church, articles for other groups... all taking the energy and muse from our own writing.
However, your prayer is also my prayer, and our God is faithful. Our muse will return, our discipline will grow, and we will write.
Your writing days have not withered but have rested, gathering new strength for another blooming. Thanks for helping me reflect on the choice between self-pity and choosing to ask God for help in my writing.
Our society tells us we need to do it all, all of the time, and do it well. God seems content to allow us to follow the seasons in our lives. He's made it clear we're writers, but just as he had Abraham and Sarah wait 25 years for the promised child, he has the right to make us live our lives and gain material for what we'll write when that season is fully upon us. The comments above show God teaches all us writers tho be gentle on ourselves, and leave the timing of using our gift to him. A good reminder to me as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Eunice for sharing this snapshot of your life and the emotions that go with it. We readers can identify and we love how you call us into your writing. In our being with you in this moment, we also pray for you, and we too can come to understand and identify how our lives are the same--only different. God understands each of us as he walks with us through the days and seasons of our lives.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to write this prayerful post. With you I pray, “Lord, help (Eunice) recognize the small openings in (her) life in which (she) can sit and write, and please enable (her) mind to kick into its writing mode instantly.” And Lord, I pray that it may be so for all of us who write to glorify and honour you . . . Amen
Thank you, Eunice. Thank you all those who comment. This is both healing and challenging. A good combination. Unused journal pages... I must avoid seeing those with a sense of duty. (Filling student exercise books is easier!) Thank you, Eunice, for drawing me into your unpredictable life. You will have prayer support from us who read and you've certainly connected with us in our own lives. Blessings!
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ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post, Eunice. By writing reviews, thank you notes, comments on people's blogs or FB posts, we can be encouragers. Each of us can expand what we are already doing. As it says in Thessalonians 5:11, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Thanks for this reminder. As for your secret snowshoveler, may he be blessed by his generosity of heart.
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