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With all of the social media in the world today one might think I would have learned to let my hair down, relax and express myself, but I'm just not that comfortable yet. I have to admit, I'm a little envious of people's ability to openly share the breathings of their heart without leaving even the smallest details out. The truth is, I came from a family where I was expected to be "seen and not heard." I was forbidden to speak my mind, discouraged from sharing my opinion and told to play quietly and sit quietly. It comes as no surprise that most people who know me well, describe me as someone who is "quiet."
I would describe myself as someone who has found her voice but often shivers at the thought of using it.
Still, not that long ago, Facebook was merely something my friends talked about. I never would have considered being a part of this social network until my sister convinced me this was a good thing. "You'll be able to see the pictures I post from where I live in Prince Edward Island and we can message one another too." "It's a great way to stay in touch." she said.
The photos she posts are beautiful and I do enjoy sending her messages. But then there's that box that calls me, the one that asks..."What's on your mind?" It stares at me every time I log into Facebook, just waiting for me write something...anything. I gaze at it as though it were some sort of test. So every now and then I coax myself to share something.
In fact, not so long ago, in that very box, I shared how much I've enjoyed the privilege of writing for InScribe's on-line blog for over a year. No one so much as hinted that they've even read anything I've written on InScribe nor did they even ask about InScribe itself. I'll be honest, there was a part of me that was breathing a sigh of relief. All the feedback I receive from my friends at InScribe is always kind. Very encouraging! But, will I receive the same from my friends on Facebook?
I write almost daily. My journals hold the breathings of my heart and when I'm ready to share them whether on Facebook or someplace else, God will open the door for me and tell me-- it's time for you to breath.
Thanks for sharing the breathings of your heart so honestly in this post :) I grew up in a home where I kept my thoughts and opinions to myself because the thoughts and opinions of others were so strong. I too became the 'quiet one'. As they say, we're the ones to watch ;)
ReplyDeleteSome of the patterns of our childhood are difficult to break. I know I'm not alone in this one.
Delete"I gaze at it as though it were some sort of test." I love this line, Vickie. I made me smile. That's what my blog felt like when the Lord first laid it on my heart to commit to a weekly post. For me, the most revealing this was that for the most part, nobody cared! People read it like they read everything else - words. Hmm. Okay. And moved on. For me it was a desensitizing. Gradually I shared more and more. Perhaps filling that FB status box on a more regular basis will be your desensitizing method as well. May God bless you and protect your heart as you step out with your breathings!
ReplyDeleteEvery time we write we expose a piece of ourselves and there's a part of me that hopes someone will read and a part of me that also dreads it. Thanks for the advice about using FB to "step" into. As for your blog....You are a gifted and courageous writer, baring so many truths of our world and how God is at the center of everything. Don't stop writing. His testing's come in many ways. Who would have thought that the quiet ones would feel him nudging us to write.
DeleteI love that you are willing to take baby steps. Being 'quiet' is actually a gift that many of us need to cultivate!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tracy. Most of the time I feel as though my being quiet is seen as something negative. People have joked about it and made me feel uncomfortable. I never thought about it as a "gift."
DeleteIt truly does seem okay to put someone down for being 'quiet.' I have dealt with that my whole life also and have had people discuss my 'quietness' right in front of me as if I wasn't in the room! An encouragement to me was when I became a newspaper reporter for a few years...people were so shocked that a quiet person could do the job and do it well. Being quiet definitely has it's plusses (including being a great listener which I think is top quality of a good reporter) but being made fun of definitely isn't one of them. Thanks for bringing up this topic. It isn't usually addressed.
DeleteYou are so right, Gloria when you say that people discuss your being quiet right in front of you. It's even more difficult to say something, interject in some way and tell them the positives of being quiet because there are some.
DeleteThank you so much Vickie for this post. The breathings of your heart are deep and moving. I resonate closely with what you say. When I was a boy I was not encouraged to express my emotions. I wasn't supposed to cry or speak for myself. Even when I was young I would write things down to show how I felt but wouldn't let anyone else read them. I would then destroy my writing. It took me years of self work to come to a point of telling people I love to write. It is baby steps for me as well. I hope you will continue to write. I hope also that you will share more breathings of your heart with us. Please keep writing! Please allow your heart to express itself! We will breathe with you! Take care my friend!
ReplyDeleteYour words brought back so many memories for me. I too destroyed my journals after my first marriage failed. Nothing I said back then seemed to matter. That's how I felt. There was so much pain! Ripping my journals apart was the only way I could think of to erase my past and my pain. Needless to say, that wasn't a good thing. I've learned that God is the reason for my writing. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I will not stop writing. You take care also.
DeleteHi Vickie. Your post really resonated with me, another 'quiet' soul who isn't quite sure if that is my natural personality or if it is due to the way I was raised also. I have found that sharing my voice has been such a journey...sometimes I have been more able too...other times I am really inhibited. It feels like a roller coaster and it doesn't always make me feel sane lol. I think it may just be something that those of us who weren't allowed to express ourselves go through and hopefully we will get better at it as we go. I am definitely glad that you have decided to share yourself 'here' in this group.
ReplyDeleteYes, some days I am more able to share than other days. We have some things in common, for sure.
DeleteVickie, your line about finding your voice, but often shivers at the thought of using it. I often find that people who are 'quiet' have a lot to say and I appreciate it when they do speak.
ReplyDeleteVickie, I have a blog where I write reviews and such, not terribly personal, but it was still a huge step for me to "publicize" it on FB. My hope is that my FB friends will be inspired by my faith, which I try to touch on as often as possible, and I have gotten some sweet comments on some posts.You have a talent for sharing your heart, Vickie, and you know best when and how you should do it :).
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