Love in the Face of Death ~ Valerie Ronald

He held my hand, the one without the IV attached to it, warming it in his big, gentle palms. I was the only chemotherapy patient receiving treatment in the small room, so we could speak and act freely. I shivered, so he brought me a blanket. When I wept he did not turn away, waiting in caring silence. 

“Why are you here?” I asked him through my tears.

“Because I love you and want to be with you through whatever comes.”

“I don’t understand. You could choose from any number of healthy women with a normal life expectancy. I have cancer. Why take the chance of marrying me when I could be gone within the year?”

He smiled.

“I don’t think I am taking a chance. We know God is in this so why would it be taking a chance to be together, for as long or as little time as He gives us?” 

I shook my head in wonder at such love.


When we first met, I told Garth about my recent diagnosis of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The survival rate stood at 40 to 50 percent at that time. It was important that I be transparent from the start so if it was too much for him, he could bow out. After a divorce, he spent six years raising his children before considering remarriage. I seemed a poor choice for a wife in light of my prognosis, however, with God writing this story, His choice became clear. I soon realized that God had gifted this man with an altruistic character, and I was the beneficiary of it.

Our wedding took place in between my chemotherapy treatments. In spite of weakness and fatigue, joy gave me the energy to enjoy our celebration to its fullest. That day happened 20 years ago, 19 of which I have been in remission from lymphoma. I tell Garth often that he is essential to my well-being. His cherishing love and care are key elements to my ongoing good health. My husband’s selfless love in the face of death speaks volumes to me about its true nature. It is a beautiful picture of Christ’s sacrificial love.

The apostle Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives so deeply, purely and sacrificially that it can only be understood when compared to the love Christ has for His bride, the church. A husband should care for his wife as if his life depended on it, the same way he cares for his own body, loving and protecting his wife as if she were his very heart. (Eph. 5:25-33)  

Every day I experience the love of Christ through the love of my husband. Having escaped a previous marriage scarred by emotional abuse and neglect, I thank God for how He has redeemed those painful years by gifting me with a marriage as He designed it to be. To take for granted the myriad of small acts of love my husband does for me throughout each day would be to miss the greater reason behind them, his love for Jesus.  

Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. Love never stops loving. (1 Cor. 13: 4-8 Passion Translation)  

  

 

 The high calling of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is not achievable unless Christ loves through us. My husband and I are not perfect at loving well. We are frail humans, prone to wander, to focus on ourselves, and to react poorly. Daily we ask God to fill us with His Spirit so we can be channels for His love to flow through us, first to each other, then to others.

When Garth was praying about re-marrying, a friend asked him what he was looking for in a wife. He said, “A woman who loves the Lord and a partner to help in the ministry He’s given me.” The friend replied, “Perhaps you are to be a partner to help in the ministry the Lord has given her.”  

Garth’s encouragement and belief in the calling of God on my life speaks volumes about his love. He has suffered late, scrambled-together dinners when I’ve lost track of time while in the writing zone. Because my work space is in our open concept living/dining room, he’s missed his favourite TV programs so I can write in peace and quiet. As my “in-house pastor”, he critiques my writing for theological and doctrinal accuracy. He has taken time off work to drive me to speaking engagements at women’s luncheons, waiting patiently in a coffee shop until I’m done. His support gives me wings to fly and confidence to pursue the ministry God has given me. I love doing what God has created me to do. With the encouragement and support of my husband, I am finally free to pursue my calling. 

We have come a long way since the days of chemotherapy treatments, poor prognoses and an uncertain future. Garth and I enjoy growing old together where we acknowledge every day as a gift from the Lord. Most of all, I want to use this gift of time to thank Him for showering me with His love through the man who loves me so well. 

 

More of Valerie's work can be read on her blog:

https://scriptordeus.wordpress.com/

Marriage: My Defining Moment by Alan Anderson

 

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”--Ephesians 5:31.

I pondered the writing prompts for this month for days to prepare for the post. My life is blessed with many defining moments. Each is a story, an unfolding of chapters in my life. For this post I decided to write on one defining moment.

 

 

My Marriage

Next to my life as a Christian, marriage is my greatest defining moment. Marriage, the most intimate relationship between a woman and a man. A precious life shared by two people who cannot live without each other. This is how I see my marriage.

 

 

Years ago, when I was a young pastor, our church membership included several older married couples. I often watched them interact with each other. I viewed them like models of the evergreen trees I see every day and throughout the years.

 

 

My wife Terry and I live close to mountains and farms. Evergreen trees clothe the mountains which shelter the animals and birds native to the area. They encounter storms which seek to tear them apart. They endure pounding rain, freezing temperatures of winter, and scorching heat of summer. Through all this, the evergreens stand against the elements like fierce warriors.

 

 

The married couples I mentioned earlier were like these evergreen trees. As my relationship with these older couples matured, their stories taught me to stand firm in commitment to my marriage. Terry and I faced challenges through the years, and our marriage is stronger. In May 2022 we look forward to celebrating our forty-fourth wedding anniversary, Lord willing.

 

 

Marriage brings times of dance and romance. Believe me, I am not a model of a dancer. When certain music comes on, the wannabe dancer in me comes to life. I will grab Terry’s hand and show her my dance moves. For whatever reason, this always gives her reason to giggle. Perhaps this is a time for her to giggle at my wiggle.

 

 

Romance isn’t only for the young. Now I am older, I still see a need to perfect how I romance my wife. Romance, perhaps aside from the more physical intimacy, can be expressed in other ways. When I cook Terry a special meal, I invite her to sit back and enjoy the time. I still open doors for her and pull her chair out for her when we go to a restaurant for dinner (although this doesn’t happen often during the pandemic.) A favourite name I use for her is, “my darling.” Sometimes I look at her without her knowledge and think, “Wow, I am a blessed man!”

 

 

Marriage brings times of hugs and tears. Terry and I have both mourned the death of our parents. We also shed tears when five of our grandchildren went to heaven before they reached birth. We are adult orphans and grandparents who grieve.

 

 

We cherish our life together through the times of dance and romance and the hugs and tears. Hugs and their closeness bring smiles in the times of laughter, tears, and the between times. Believe me, I am a big hugger.

 

 

Marriage embraces me like a warm, intimate hug without end. Marriage also absorbs into my skin and covers me with my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and memories of those loved.

 

 

Alan lives in Deroche, B.C. with his wife, Terry. He contributed stories to Good Grief People by Angel Hope Publishing, 2017; Story by Story: The Power of a Writer, Unstoppable Writers Publishing, 2018. Alan has also written articles for FellowScript Magazine. Blog: https://scarredjoy.ca.

Alan has written blog posts for our InScribe blog since 2015.

Interruption or Red Carpet Appointment? by Wendy L. Macdonald

 

Although the prompt for this month asked us, “How has a ‘divine interruption’ rocked your world?’ I want to share something on a much smaller scale that recently happened to me. I’ve written about a humungous interruption/blessing to my writing life before, but this time I want to address what more and more spouses are experiencing these days due to retirements and work from home requirements.

The incident I’m referring to happened one morning when I had a longer than usual writing to-do list sitting in front of me. It was early morning and I had already downed my coffee and spent a delicious hour with Jesus, His Word, and my journal. It was time for me to open my Word Docs and do the next thing. 

That’s when my husband informed me, he wasn’t feeling well. He said he wasn’t sure if he was coming down with something as he hadn’t slept well. He didn’t want to push himself and potentially risk spreading a virus (We won’t mention which one we were nervous of as I’m sure you’re as sick of that five-letter word as I am.).

Normally I inwardly groan when my writing routine is potentially going to be rerouted. I’m ashamed to admit how selfish I am about my alone time. But I’m also pleased to report that because of someone else’s productive writing time, I had just completed reading a book about the very situation I found myself in.

Instead of looking downcast when he mentioned he was staying home, I rolled out the red carpet and smiled, “Feel free to visit me anytime you want today. I’ll make us lunch and then we can have coffee together afterwards.” 

I gave him a hug and freshened up the bed so it would be extra cozy for him if he needed to go back to sleep.

Wow, the book I read really helped me roll out the red.

With sincere joy I pampered my man and made him feel like a blessing instead of an interruption to my writing life. Amazingly I got through my to-do list with only one thing leftover. And I completed an extra item. (The next day I finished the final thing on the list. It was my latest newsletter that ended up being changed so that I could include this story in it. When you come across inspiration that makes you a better person, it’s not something you want to keep to yourself. There’s nothing better than sharing good news.) 

   After lunch my husband felt pretty much as good as new, so he waited in our vehicle while I mailed some prizes for my latest newsletter giveaway. Then we went to the beach and watched storm waves from the shelter of our car. We laughed so much together all afternoon that my daughter said, “Get married already, would you?” (We celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary on August 19.) 

I’m nosy-to-know about a time you allowed God to turn an interruption into a red carpet appointment.

And in case you’re curious as to which book, I was talking about, here it is: Spouse in the House by Cynthia Ruchti and Becky Melby. Here’s my review of it on GoodReads.  

Red Carpet Blessings ~ Wendy Mac

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

A Prayer of Relinquishment ~ Valerie Ronald

 

My husband and I held each other in the dark as we prayed through our tears. We were married only a short time when I discovered the cancer I was being treated for was still growing. We had known this possibility was real, yet we clung to the hope the treatments would work. God had brought us together in a miraculous way, so why would He allow this awful disease to separate us?

As mature Christians, our faith was strong in our sovereign God and His perfect will. This was a second marriage for both of us. We saw ourselves as a couple of seasoned war horses, having survived the battles of our betrayed first marriages with our faith still intact. These trials taught us that when God asks us to surrender our will to His, we must trust He will show us the way. He clearly showed us the way to each other. We knew without doubt our marriage was a gift from Him. Only now our faith was being put to the ultimate test in a life-and-death situation. Could we trust Him with this?

On tear-soaked pillows we relinquished our own dreams and desires to the One who holds all things in His hands. It was a desperate prayer, a laying down of this precious gift of love we had in each other.We surrendered all, but not without a sense of rending, of tearing, of grief at the possibility of losing what we had only just found in our mutual love. It felt risky to lay bare before God our deepest longing. What if He chose not to spare me? What if our life together was cut short?

“Remember what God said?”, whispered my husband. “ 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways.' 1  We need to trust Him, no matter what.”

Not only were we called to trust, we were called to obey. Giving over to God what we held dearest to our hearts needed to be done as an act of obedience, not of emotion. Pleading to have our own way, no matter how right it seemed, would be placing our own will above His. If we truly trusted Him, then we must truly trust that His ways are best, whatever the outcome. Our desire for God to be foremost in our hearts must take precedence over our desire for me to be cured. Like Abraham, we placed the “Isaac” of our life together on the altar, giving it to God to do with as He thought best.

My oncologist intensified my treatment regimen. For six more months I endured chemotherapy infusions which made me sicker than the disease itself. When I was at my lowest I sometimes wondered if our prayer of relinquishment was turning into one of resignation. But resignation signifies defeat, giving up to expect the worst. Our prayer meant we accepted the reality of our situation, yet with open hands to receive willingly whatever our loving Father sent. Relinquishment did not close the door on hope.

That night of prayer and tears happened over 19 years ago. Doctors credited the treatments for halting the cancer, but we know God gave me the gift of this long remission. We have come to believe that relinquishing our desires to God, the hardest thing we’ve ever done, positioned us to receive what He wanted to give us and to accomplish what He had in mind for our lives.

What if God had chosen not to prolong my life? Would our prayer have failed? There can be no failure in relinquishing our will to God, because doing so tells God of our complete trust in Him, and that is what He desires most from us. I reached a point when I could say with Job, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” 2

My husband and I take every day we have together as a blessing from our loving God. We continue to yield our dreams and hopes to Him, not knowing what the outcome will be, yet trusting the One who knows the end from the beginning. Whatever He deems best is fine with us.

___________________________

1  Isaiah 55:8 NIV              2  Job 13:15 NIV

Valerie Ronald lives in Portage la Prairie, Manitoba. She is a graduate of Vancouver's Langara College journalism program, and has worked as a newspaper reporter, freelance writer, public speaker and bookstore employee. She writes devotionals for her home church bulletins and her online blog. Her current book project chronicles how God's faithfulness saw her through the dark valleys of divorce and cancer. Along with her husband, Valerie enjoys spending time with their blended family and six grandchildren. She is a nature photographer, water colorist, cat lover and Scrabble addict.

More of her devotionals can be read on her blog https://scriptordeus.wordpress.com

A Second Edition, by Bryan Norford

Editing an earlier work is a harrowing and humbling project. Daily, it serves up amazement at the odd flash of brilliance, but embarrassment at verbose and turgid prose. Ann and I have been editing our first book authored together six years ago, Happy Together: Daily Insight for Families from Scripture. The book. written in a daily devotional format, reviews examples of marriage, family, and relationships from Genesis to Revelation.

Why edit? It’s a mammoth task with over 350 pages of text. But feedback over the years has led us to condense the material to a page-a-day format; reduce the daily readings from 300 or 350 words to about 250, but still retain the basic message of each one. As you can imagine, a useful exercise to sharpen and produce concise writing.

In addition, we have added a text from each day’s reading, and a responsive prayer. Each page is reformatted to camera ready and paragraphs reduced to newspaper style for easier reading. Now to add the front and back ends, build indexes listing Scriptures used and subjects reviewed, check references for accuracy and consider cover redesign.

It has also given us the opportunity to incorporate ideas from reading and conferences we’ve taken in the interim. As always, our purpose is to produce a worthwhile legacy for our family and others; if it sells, that’s an added bonus!

Looking back is a reminder of the frailty of our work. I’m sure you get the feeling a work is never finished; there’s always some improvement we could make. Editing is an opportunity to catch up on some of those improvements, but accept the fact is still comes up short and we depend on Him to complete it in the hearts and minds of our readers.

Here is a sample page.

 

WHY WE WRITE by Bryan Norford

WHY WE WRITE by Bryan Norford

Well, Brenda, I can’t think of a specific incident that changed my writing life, but I can describe clearly the motivation that started it. When we reached fifty years of marriage—six years ago—not only our children, but also grandchildren were marrying and having children.

Having seen what the volatile marriage scene has done to younger generations, we felt our descendants could use biblical guidance for a stable marriage. This prompted our first book, Happy Together, a year’s devotions based on all Bible passages dealing with marriage, family, and relationships. It turned up more material than we expected!

Linked to that, we saw the need to oppose much biblical illiteracy, which leads to a superficial or skewed Christianity and accommodation with current western culture. This in turn inhibits evangelization as Christianity loses its counter-culture status, its defining role in drawing people to Christ.

So, we added a series of books with a clarifying biblical approach to confusing issues of the faith, and study guides to give a basic grounding in Bible knowledge. While our growing family is our priority, we are encouraged if some of our writing spins off to strengthen and build a secure faith in others.

The greatest paradox for a world of high intellectual achievement is so little regard for truth. Post-modern society uses truth as a convenient, flexible commodity that only provides shifting sands on which to build lives.

We want a firm foundation for our families, only found in the unchanging truth of God’s grace toward us. That influence, in turn, establishes wholesome relationships with each other, strong lasting marriages and secure, stable children. We don’t have to look far to see the chaos that loss of permanence creates.

Thus, the concern for our family’s marriages has broadened into welfare for the whole of life and the society in which we live. In the few years we have left, we are constrained to continue proclaiming the authority of God over life by the written word and representative deeds.

Wedding and Election Fever: by Bryan Norford

With expectations for a fairy tale wedding and a not so fairy tale election, it seems appropriate to share the following reflection with you. It comes from the marriage devotional Ann and I co-authored, Happy Together: Daily Insights for Families from Scripture, and published two years ago.

Eventually, we will get the government we choose, and therefore deserve. But we trust and pray that William and Kate will fare better than Will’s parents.

---------------

Politics and Cinderella

King David had to balance politics and love; he was king and husband and both positions had their challenges. The history of politics after all is a sordid tale—of the power hungry manipulating nations for their own benefit and adulation; of dictators forcing ruthless rule over exploited people; of conquest and war as a means of extending rulers’ influence.

In contrast to this, the first love Michal had for David and his remarkable relationship with God is closer to the love story of Cinderella and seems very different from the politics David needed to practise.

Yet there may be more of a common thread to both politics and our favourite love stories like Cinderella than it appears. Behind those stories lurks the idea that “Once upon a time . . . happily ever after,” reflects a perfection of love and living that our hearts yearn for and our best experiences imply.

Political theorist John von Heyking has written a book entitled, Augustine and Politics as Longing in the World. The title evokes a sense that, despite its excesses, even politics arises from the notion that there is an ideal to strive for beyond the ravages of earthly life—a thirsty longing that wrenches our hearts but is never fully satisfied. As maidens dream of perfect love, so men envision the ideal society and strive for it.

I’m sure most politicians start off with the desire to better their communities, but easily get caught up in the subterfuge, manipulation and compromise that ambition seems to require, which undermines their good intentions. If we could read the rest of the story of Cinderella and her prince, it seems probable we might find a degeneration of their love into self-serving manipulation.

But neither of these evidences of fallen human nature should blind us to the desire God has placed in our hearts for the perfection that is only to be found in Him. If the yearning of the human soul is only complete in God, then the best that marriage can provide is found in Him also.

The Blessings of "Early Garage Sale" — Lynda Schultz

Late last night I posted the story of this picture on my website. Alex and Alicia were married last week in Caracas. Circumstances didn't permit my presence at the wedding but that wonderful Sunday afternoon when they came to my apartment to look at the furniture I was planning on leaving behind was proof enough to me of the depth of Alex's feelings for Alicia.

I never doubted how Alicia felt—she was obvious! But Alex is the "strong, silent type," and even a little shy, so I was never quite sure about him and thought that perhaps Alicia was just being her dramatic self when she overwhelmed me with adjectives even time she talked about him.

My furniture was well-used. I have always jokingly said that my decorating style is "early garage sale." Neither Alicia nor Alex had a lot of money to spend but they both work and had been saving for this moment for a long time.

Alicia comes from a very dysfunctional family. Her mother always made a huge effort to degrade her daughter in private and in public. In spite of her difficult ealy years Alicia blossomed, particularly after meeting Alex. That Sunday afternoon showed me why.

The "kids" were renovating an annex for their first home and needed just about everything. She was reluctant to get too excited about the washer and dryer, the dining room set, the bed, the crystal, and the Royal Minton china I was leaving behind. Some things were essential; others were not. She and Alex had talked about the washer and as Alicia ran her hand over it, she looked a little longingly at the dryer. Alex saw the look and told me that he'd take that too. Alicia couldn't believe it. The whole afternoon was like that. She'd look at something, half afraid to want it because maybe they didn't need it, and Alex would tell her to add it to the list. By the time the "shopping" trip was over, their house was furnished and Alicia was in tears.

She could not believe that anyone, even Alex, would be so good to her. The scars of her past experience forbade her to trust that someone saw her worth and valued her enough to give her whatever would pleasure her—even if it was second-hand!

As God's children we are often a bit "Alicia" in our relationship with God. We are afraid to ask Him for certain things because we fear the rejection that we have sometimes been handed by others. We can't believe that God values us enough to bring into our lives whatever good thing will give us pleasure. Alex loved satisfying the desires of his wife-to-be. He didn't give Alicia everything she eyed, but he certainly gave her more than she had thought to ask for. And I suspect that as these two become more established in their lives, Alex will be just as delighted to pleasure his wife with a few new things to replace my "early garage sale."

To my great surprise, it isn't only Alicia who is overwhelming cyberspace with adjectives about her new husband from their hotel room on Margarita Island. Alex's FACEBOOK posts are almost as descriptive about how much he loves her as hers are descriptive about him. Isn't love wonderful! Is God wonderful!

Builder's Blues - Lynda Schultz

The British Empire was impressive during the reign of Queen Victoria. Its remnants are a reminder of how tentative our hold is on what ambition and self-interest accumulates.

Two young people I know are getting married this coming weekend. There are so many things I desire for them but the greatest is a foundation that goes beyond even the strongest bond of love.

The church, despite every effort to make it attractive to a lost world, limps along, often so "relevant" that its adherents are starving to death, apathetic and weak.

We work so hard to build something good: an empire, a marriage, a church, only to discover the truth of Psalm 127:1 (NIV): "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

From my balcony, I watched a couple of men working on a roof. It seemed like dangerous business to me. One slip and the next stop might a hospital and a long struggle with Workmen's Compensation. To build well isn't easy. The commitment to excellence requires time, patience, and sacrifice. But most of all it needs the LORD. From empires to families to churches, unless He heads up the building crew, it just "ain't gonna happen."

Marriage as Art -- Janet Sketchley

“Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Mark 10:9, MSG*

Jesus is talking here about marriage and divorce, reminding the Pharisees of God’s original intention and saying Moses only permitted divorce “as a concession to your hardhearted ways.” (Mark 10:5, MSG)

What catches my attention is Eugene Peterson’s use of words like organic union and art. Do we consider marriage as one of the many intricate and perhaps delicate pieces of creation?

Couples speak of guarding our marriages, but do we think of them as God’s art? It’s not just about us. Could it be a sacred trust?

Divorce may be the sad evidence of art damaged beyond repair, but what about the art that’s still in one piece?

Marriage is hard work. Two separate, imperfect wills are becoming an “organic union”. How often do couples struggle at this in our own strength? The Master Artist’s hands are poised to create something beautiful. Let’s remember to ask for His touch every day.

*The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

© Janet Sketchley, 2009
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For devotionals, reviews and conversation, stop by Janet Sketchley's blog, God with Us: Finding Joy.

Clouds, Grease, and Bits of Orange — Lynda Schultz

This is not my story, but arises out of the conversation between two friends of mine. She really does need a dishwasher.


“I’d really like a dishwasher.”

We were discussing the move into our new apartment. When we’d done the walk through with the real estate agent I noticed that there was a space under one of the kitchen counters that seemed like it was just made for a dishwasher.

I planted the idea with my husband, though I should have known better. His response was predictable.

“No, no. We don’t need a dishwasher. I always thought it was foolish to have a dishwasher. Every person I know who has one ends up washing their dishes before they put them in the thing. Seems silly to me to wash them twice. All you have to do is take a little extra care to make sure that you clean them right the first time.”

I sighed. It seemed as though we had had this conversation before. I always lost, or gave up; overwhelmed by the tidal wave of verbiage he is so gifted with.

“Besides, there’s the electricity it uses.”

Then it was back to the double washing.

“And you know what happens if you don’t get all the junk off before you put the dishes in the thing. Those traps are really small, and they get easily clogged. The next thing you know the water can’t escape. You open the door and out comes all the water all over the floor.”

I nodded my head. Okay, I get the message.

“Then there’s the bill to repair the thing.”

He finally noticed my facial expression.

“But you know, I do anything for you. If you really want a dishwasher, then it’s a dishwasher we’ll get.”

He was trying and I appreciated it. However, we both knew where this argument was going and what the conclusion would be.

“Honey, you really don’t need one, you know. I’ll do all the dishes. You won’t have to worry about them ever again, I promise. I already do my own after breakfast, right?”

“Yes, that’s true, dear,” I said, gamely. He had been doing his own breakfast dishes for a while now in an effort to be a husband more aware of his wife’s needs. I didn’t want to discourage him.

He nodded, satisfied that his point had been made, and then took off down the hall as I cleared the kitchen table of my cereal bowl and coffee cup.

I turned toward the sink and picked up the first of the breakfast dishes already stacked in the rack. I examined each one, putting aside the still cloudy glasses, the frying pan with grease still stuck to its side, the pieces of the juicer to which bits of orange still clung. As I washed—for the second time—the dishes he had so “carefully” done after his early morning breakfast, I breathed a prayer:

“Lord, bless him, but I’d still like a dishwasher.”

There is no man so deceived as he who, being blind, thinks that he can see.