Q is for Quotient, as In Emotional by Bob Jones

How is your EQ? 

All through my school years I was informed that IQ was the key to success. But then I learned about Emotional Quotient (EQ). The people who know about people say that EQ is more important than IQ when it comes to being successful.

 

I am a left-brain, conceptual kind of person. Logic and rational thinking come naturally. I’ve heard it said, “People won’t remember what you say, they will remember how you made them feel.” That’s all about EQ. By preference, I’m far more about choice of words and informing than inspiring. And I want to inspire. I wonder if using EQ is the difference between informing and inspiring in writing?

 

I coach myself to remember that the truth is, we’re driven by emotions. To write well, I need to understand people — their motivations, needs, hopes, fears, and dreams — and speak to them as the emotional, irrational beings we all are. I constantly need to remember that it’s OK to bring my whole self to the page, not just a few rational ideas. Could I ever be good at “people” and feelings? I hope so. 

 

 Logically, one of my writing goals for 2024 is to build my EQ.

 

9 Steps I Am Using to Build Emotional Intelligence

 

1. Take life seriously, but not taking myself seriously. If you take yourself seriously you will never fail because you won’t try anything new or hard or risky or controversial. And you will never succeed. I had to get used to having my motives and intelligence questioned, being misunderstood, and feeling like no one would ever ask me to write anything ever again.

 

2. Take a good hard look at addictions (we all have addictions: food, technology, thinking, alcohol, relationships, etc.) and considering how I use them to avoid feeling. My addiction is chips. Every kind of chip (except ketchup). Chips are my comfort food. I crave them when I need comfort and want to avoid feeling defeated or depressed.

 

3. Curiosity. Why do I act the way I do? What is driving me? Why do I have such a struggle with ending a sentence with the word “for”? All through school, we were informed that no intelligent writer would ever end a sentence with the word “for”. I am tempted to do it all the time. I feel lazy when I do because there must be a better grammatical way to end a sentence. And then I was set free by articles stating, “You can end a sentence with for.” Looks like ending a sentence with the word “for” is OK with everyday kind of people.

 

4. Seek to understand rather than judge. Believing that other people are doing the best they can (no matter how much you think the evidence screams otherwise) is the only way to live judgment free. You are doing the best you can, right? Same with others. And if their best is bad for you, there is no verse in God’s good Word that says you have to spend equal amounts of time with all people.

 

5. Have the courage to feel. Anger is a hard one for me. Not that I don’t get angry but that I don’t want others to see I am angry. Especially those who make me angry. And then I remember that no one can make me angry. Anger is a choice. Like rejoice. So saying, “I feel angry” rather than, “You made me angry” has been helpful for our marriage.

 

6. Slowing down. Really. S-L-O-W down. God’s pace is slow. Forty years in the wilderness and 2000 years since Jesus promised he was coming again soon.

 

7. Letting go of my ideas on how life should be and embracing how it actually is. I want there to be peace in Ukraine. I’ve been there, met new friends, little kids, and talented teens. I want them to live in freedom. I want to go back soon with my wife Jocelyn to introduce her to these wonderful people. But I have to be real and realize peace may be a long time coming.

 

8. Being vulnerable. Brené Brown is my champion of vulnerability. Her book, “Rising Strong” is my go to for vulnerability. She says, “Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous.” I read her story about her addiction to alcohol. That was courageous to share. And she informed me how to live judgment free.

 

9. Giving up the irrational expectation that people and their actions should be logical and predictable. That's the only way not to die of disappointed when my brilliant ideas are found wanting by the people I am writing for.

 

How’s your EQ? How do you make use of it in your writing?

Sincerely, thank you for reading. And commenting.

 

Bob enjoys signing books for kids like Spider Mabel.

You can read weekly content from Bob on Ukraine and other interesting subjects at REVwords.com