I have picked up my pen many times to attempt to capture my thoughts. The pen feels heavy in my hand, unfamiliar from lack of use. Excuses rise. I have nothing to say. Except I do have thoughts I have been wrestling with. I read and I write because words matter.
Every story, every life has conflict. Our decisions change us and the world around us. It is my hope and prayer that mine reflect the faith I profess. But I fail. Internal conflict keeps my brain active as I contemplate and wrestle with the issues of today. Can I be sensitive on the hot button topics without compromising my beliefs?
Sarah was introduced as Abraham's sister, a half truth. Daniel continued to pray without fear and ended up sleeping with lions. The disciples struggled to understand what Jesus was teaching them. They all kept going. They all met God in the middle of their circumstances. I know He meets me as well so I attempt to keep going.
My pen still feels heavy and unfamiliar since I have had a season of reading and wrestling instead of writing. However, I still pick it up to sort out the lessons I have learned. I start to write my reflections. Will they lead to stories where the characters wrestle through living their faith or poems and essays? I do not know. The reflections are one more step as I process what God is teaching. In His timing, the pen will once again feel familiar in my hand. The words will come not because of me, but because of Him.