November 17, 2021

The past walks with the present ... by Jocelyn Faire

 


 

... because the past walks with us in the present in more ways than we know. ~ Brian McLaren

     I feel I've had more than enough life defining moments. The most heart-and-soul wrenching  moment was to stand between the caskets of my son and my daughter being lowered ... trying to convince myself that “we do not grieve as those who have no hope.” I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that life was never ever going to be back to anything I had ever dreamed, imagined, expected, or wished for. On an icy highway, life had been irreparably altered, changing forever the road I now walked upon. For nearly a decade that followed, the ongoing barrage of life defining moments dizzied me, while my prayers could not give voice to the aching depths or questions of my heart. Looking back now, it feels like watching my life as a movie scene. 

But  .... 

And this is the moment of big buts; in those life altering events we are held and supported by God in powerful ways. Those defining moments birth further moments in the successive days, months and even years that all play back to that big defining moment. Because as Brian McLaren says, the past walks with us in the present in more ways than we know. That past moment is ever present.

This month's question felt significant; partly, because I know I've faced life defining events, and because the successive defining moments all had a kind of glue that kept that event impacting forward. My mother once asked me ... “Jocelyn, do you think you would've gotten divorced if the accident hadn't happened?” No. Would I have moved to Australia without knowing a soul down under? Would I have written a book or two? No, No. Neither of those. Would I have adopted a drug addict as my surrogate daughter? Would I have retired from nursing early? No. No. Would I have felt emotionally safer being of no fixed address than living in my old hometown where everyone knew the story? No. Would I have felt the need to remove myself from church groups because some of those pat answers were too shallow? Would I now be traveling with (and married to) the doctor I used to work with? ... another big No. There are a thousand No's ... But, an equal number of YES's that have stemmed from that one big bang!

There are a lot of clichés and verses thrown about in regards to the value and benefit of suffering change. We are often encouraged to just trust the process and the God behind it ... to let the change change us, to make the best of it ... These are more easily said from those witnessing someone in tumultuous times, and often a very well meaning friend tosses in a reminder that “all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord,” overlooking the immense pain of past trauma. I continue to learn this. Sometimes I'm successful in identifying that what I over react to is because it links back to a deeper pain within. 

But, to end off more positively, I want to share some things that I have learned: The power of hope is strong; humans have a resilience that I would not have dreamed possible for myself; God walks alongside us in the worst of times. God's question that kept coming back to me was, “Will you trust me?” Will I trust you? And God, how can you expect me to trust you after what happened? Each time I stepped in that direction, it felt as though things worsened. Will I trust you? My answer had to be Yes, because the alternative was even worse. 

And now, almost seventeen years later, when I am asked if I will trust, (the question keeps coming up, because life continues) ...  I hesitate less and say, yes, I will trust you.  Each defining moment carries opportunity for a defining response ... and this filters down to the most ordinary of days. Each day holds an opportunity to live life as holy, to reclaim the power of my identity as a much loved child of God, and to make sense of the world. The control I once wanted has gone by the wayside ... and this brings both a loss and a freedom, when I realize how tenuous that perceived control really is. With less need for control, I allow wisdom and grace to enter.

I want to share the hope that has risen from the defining moment ... that life can be experienced as beautiful again, that the soul can grow larger even in the face of catastrophic loss. And that the comfort and presence of God can be experienced. Blessings to you as you face your defining moments. (If nothing else, you can be relieved that your day doesn't seem nearly as bad now.)

18 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness, dear Jocelyn, what depths of sorrow you have traversed. And what wisdom and beautiful grace you have shared with us today. Thank you.
    As I am about to face a defining moment in December, I will remember these words of yours: "...in those life altering events we are held and supported by God in powerful ways."
    Blessings & hugs ~ Wendy Mac

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    1. Thank you Wendy for your words, and blessings as you face a defining moment in December-you will be held and supported!

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  2. Thank you for this insightful post! Having experienced several “defining moments,” I can so relate to your observations. I especially relate to the lovely quote by Brian McLaren that the past walks with us in the present in more ways than we know. I suddenly lost my husband in Australia’s outback 34 yrs ago, yet it’s uncanny how much he still “walks with me.”

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    1. Dear Angelina, Thank you for commenting and willing to share some of your story, deep loss changes so many things(isn't it almost everything?) in life and how one thought it would be. I am sorry for your loss 34 yrs ago. It is moving to hear how much of your past "still walks with you." Blessings and big hugs to you.

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  3. Your story touches everyone reading (including me) in such a deep corner - one that breathes a sigh of relief that your story isn't my story, followed quickly by a mental reprimand at how shallow and heartless that kind of reaction is. I HOPE that if God put such events in my path, I would react with the kind of trust you've shown, but I really can't say for sure and don't want to find out. I apologize on behalf of all Christians who have given those pat answers. Like Job, people in true grief just need love and support, not advice. May God continue to guide and bless you as the years go by. Your story has touched many and will continue to touch many more, I am sure.

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    1. Thank you Tracy for your honesty ... and I was also part of that camp before, being relieved that the tragic story was not my own, and of course any imagined response I thought I would have IF that were my story ... well, it just is so vastly different in real time. And I've met people that I'm glad I have not had to undergo their circumstances-but their are many difficult stories, and strength is given in times of need. I think you have quite a heart story as well-literally!

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  4. I too was touched by your story. And like you, Christians gave me lectures on being thankful and counting my blessings. The resentment they created in me helped to drive me away from God for 9 long years. But God never gave up on me. We need to be as Paul wrote in Galatians chapter 6. Often times, people just need to shut up and listen. Just being there and understanding the pain is enough to help. Nobody likes the chronic fixer who just can't resist jumping in and blathering platitudes.

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    1. Thanks Bruce for your comments, it sounds like you have also experienced people "blathering platitudes"-that's a very good descriptor.

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  5. What an elegantly written post, Jocelyn, as you give us this peek into your life story. There are no words. I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. I am also heartened to learn how the Lord has brought you through.... to a place where you can once again see the beauty of His world around you. The Brian McLaren quote is so fitting. Thank you! (((heart)))

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  6. Thank-you Brenda for commenting. And I agree Brian McLaren's quote is so true. Some of these things in life, just keep walking with us ... take care!

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  7. "Each defining moment carries opportunity for a defining response...and tgis filters down to the most ordinary of days. Each day holds an opportunity to live life so holy, to reclaim the power of my identity as a much loved child of God..." Jocelyn Faire
    I just wrote this quote in my writing journal. Your story is holy ground, Jocelyn. Thank you, and I am so sorry for the pain you've endured.

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    1. And Belinda, I think sometimes the big defining moments help us treasure those daily moments, because our lives are holy, because we are much loved children of God. Thanks for commenting and pondering on this thought.

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  8. Thanks for this poignant yet encouraging post, Jocelyn. To be raised from the pit by the hand of the Father and to learn so many faith lessons. For people to walk through those moments without the Lord....breaks my heart. Thankful He has been present with you in your difficult journey.

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    1. Thank you Sharon, I too am thankful that the Father has walked with me in this difficult journey ... and therein is also the faith conundrum for many, as the Father could also have spared this difficult journey. Faith and trust issues certainly are challenges ... and we all have them to varying degrees. For all I've "learned," if I could, I would take my life before with those children back in a heart beat.

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    2. Absolutely no doubt about that.

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  9. I was so touched by your post, Jocelyn. You've so grown in your depth of love and understanding in these 17 years, and a much stronger trust in God. Your words were meaningful to me: "The power of hope is strong; humans have a resilience that I would not have dreamed possible for myself; God walks alongside us in the worst of times." He gives us grace for our journeys into sorrow and heartache, and I've found that His presence is so real, and He has a greater purpose for us that we may not see at the time.

    God bless you, Jocelyn, as you continue this journey!

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  10. Thank you Sandi for your words, I continue to be amazed that strength is given in very difficult situations ... things we would never believe possible.

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