If I were relating the defining moments in my writing life, they would begin with the story about the gypsy girl I wrote in grade five, when I discovered I could imagine worlds into being. Then on to times in a high school creative writing class where my words took wing, encouraged by affirmations from my teacher and classmates. College journalism courses, a job as a rookie newspaper reporter, first published magazine article ˗˗ all were significant in my writing career. As important as these moments were, their significance pales in light of the impact of God on my creative journey.
It would take too long to narrate the tale of how God drew me to Himself. Through many starts and stops, wanderings and returnings, He continually pursued me with His love until I surrendered completely to Him. Where else could I go? My own desires and decisions had landed me in an emotionally abusive marriage with no way out that I could see. There at rock bottom, God met me. My circumstances were the same but my heart was changed, renewed by the Lord who made me.
One brief moment stands out above all others. If I ever held doubts about God’s singular eye upon me, His omniscient attention to every detail about me, this moment wiped them all away. Admitted to the hospital for some minor surgery, I remember actually anticipating a few days of escape from my emotionally stressful life. Exhausted by a roller coaster marriage to a volatile, spiritually abusive man, doing my best to mother three young children and dealing with fatiguing health issues, I longed for rest. A hospital stay was hardly the ideal vacation, but the prospect of a few days in bed offered a welcome respite. I remember breathing a hasty prayer before the anesthetic took affect.
Then I awoke with an overwhelming knowingness of God’s love for me.
That sounds so simple, such a given, but it does not come close to capturing the all-encompassing intensity of how loved by God I knew myself to be in that moment. I did not want to return to full consciousness, to leave what I knew even then was a foretaste of heaven.
A nurse tried to rouse me, but I fought to remain in that place of complete love deep within where my soul resided with God. Of course, I couldn’t stay. The real world of bright light, noise and pain could not be avoided. I opened my eyes and responded to the nurse, but my spirit continued to dance on the verge of its natural home, trailing glorious love like streamers floating to the earth.
I am not one to pursue signs, wonders and visions. My belief in Jesus Christ is based on the rock-solid truth of His Word. I recognize I am made up of body, soul and spirit and capable of a myriad of emotions, as designed by my Creator, but emotions do not rule my spiritual life. Neither do I seek out artificially induced emotional experiences, as could be credited to the anesthetic drugs. But since that soul-deep epiphany, I now know what God’s love feels like. He gave me those few moments as a glimpse of what is to come, I am sure of it. A crack appeared in the floor of heaven to seep out a minuscule drop of His great love for me. I could not have handled any more than that, but He knew at that particularly difficult time, a drop of His love would carry me through. In fact, it has lasted throughout my life, impacting my faith, relationships and hope for the future in a deep and lasting way.
“By constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of His love will become the very source and root of your life. Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences—the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is His love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding—this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to overflowing with the fullness of God!” (Eph. 3:17-19 Passion Translation)
When the white-gowned bride I used to be was trampled in the mud by the man I married, that singular drop of God’s love redefined me as cherished beyond value. Like a never failing cruse of oil, God’s drop of love sustained me through raising my children alone, facing poverty and fighting cancer. My painful past is long behind me now yet the impact of that love-soaked moment continues to influence how I live and write.
Knowing His love for me is replicated many million times over for all those He has fashioned, stimulates me to be a conduit for this miraculous drop of love. I cannot love well on my own. Only the indwelling Spirit of God, through Christ, can disperse this love like a drop of ink in water, to saturate all who encounter it. In God’s economy, a mere drop of His love goes a long way.
More of her devotionals can be read on her blog https://scriptordeus.wordpress.com