Looking back, most of my Christmas memories are cheerful and happy. 1971 was an exception. At the time, my parents were serving as missionaries with Africa Evangelical Fellowship in Botswana, Africa. As a child I wasn't aware of the differences between living in a third world country and a first world country. After all, I had good food to eat, my education experiences were enjoyable, and we had freedom to travel to game reserves where we saw animals like lions, giraffes, and crocodiles in their natural habitats.
However, I was aware when my dad became sick. Generally he was healthy and strong. (The Africans gave him the nickname, "Big Bull Elephant.") Near the end of 1971, my dad was sick for weeks. He drank water, but my mom had to coax him to eat. We prayed, and waited, and prayed some more. He became so weak he could hardly make it to the bathroom. The doctors had no answers. We began to wonder if my dad would die. That year we went through the motions of celebrating Christmas, but it just wasn't the same. Christmas wasn't merry for us. I'm grateful that God spared my dad's life and we went on to celebrate many merry Christmases together.
That experience made me more sensitive to people going through difficult times at Christmas. There is something about celebration that seems to magnify the hurts people are experiencing.
Those who are having an "unmerry" Christmas may find help by:
- Helping others - this will take the focus off your difficulty. Spend time in a soup kitchen, donate to a charity. Do something that will lift others up.
- Instead of comparing your life with others, pray for those you know who are having a hard time.
- Limit time in large groups of people - leave events if/when you need to for your own health. Let people know that you are not up to celebrating.
- Set realistic expectations - for yourself and others. Schedule in time to read a book, take a nap, or do something else you find relaxing.
- Develop a new tradition - this may be particularly helpful for those who lose a loved one during the holiday season. Do something that honours the memory of your loved one.
- Count your blessings - make a list of all the things for which you can choose to be thankful.
- Ask a friend or family member to do something fun with you. Make a list of things you enjoy and see how many you can check off after you've done them.
- Asking how things are going and making time to listen
- Praying for those going through hard times
- Giving a small gift or card - anything that lets the person know you care
- Respecting the person's wish for privacy and time alone
- Planning something fun that the person enjoys doing
- Allowing the person to grieve
I know that this time of year can be very hard for some people. thanks for helping us to remember those who struggle at this time of year.
ReplyDeleteI needed some of the reminders myself, so thought it would be a good idea to share :)
DeleteSometimes people try to ignore that Christmas is coming, and it sneaks up on you, which is harder than being prepared. When we were facing a hard Christmas, I found it was important to plan for it, plan how we'd honour the person who had died, or how we'd adjust our traditions to incorporate the major change in our family - illness, financial, whatever it was. And yes, it's generally the mom who needs to do it. But that's okay. Moms are tough!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your helpful suggestion, Bobbi. You're right. Sometimes we feel like hiding or ignoring something, hoping it will go away. I agree that planning is a better idea.
DeleteThank you, Ruth. These ideas make me feel affirmed. I was feeling guilty for staying home once in awhile when I knew I should be joining in the expected groups.
ReplyDeleteLet go of the guilt and celebrate in your own way. I'm glad you feel affirmed :)
DeleteThis year has been hard for me. It's almost a year since my second husband died and part of me just wants to hide at home and not go anywhere. However for me, a people-person I do need to get out at times. It sets up a real tension. Thank you, Ruth for bringing it to our attention and get us thinking it through and also accepting our feelings about it all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. May God continue to comfort your heart and give you wisdom in knowing when to push yourself and when to just relax and be alone. Hugs!
DeleteThanks for sharing your story about a really tough Christmas and teaching us how to care for ourselves and others during this holiday season. For reasons of caregiving and caring for myself, I didn't sign up for the Barrhead Community Christmas Choir this year. I missed the camaraderie and the musical challenge, but taking a break took the big rush out of the fall.
ReplyDeleteI went to the choir performance last Sunday and enjoyed the evening. The choir had new members and did well. They even had enough altos. This reaffirmed that my discernment was correct for me at this time.
I'm glad you are making the choice to care for yourself in the midst of caring for your husband. It's great that your discernment was reaffirmed, but also that you were able to enjoy the musical performance. May God continue to strengthen you and encourage you in this challenging season of your life.
DeleteSometimes you can 'think' you're going to be fine on Christmas Day but find your not. Then everyone is in a bad mood ('If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' applies here). This happened to our family one Christmas. It turned out that the family Dog saved the day LOL. Her antics of ripping through the wrapping paper with a bow stuck to her head got us all laughing and more relaxed :D So funny but I guess I'd include on your list: if all else fails, let your dog (or cat) entertain you. It worked for us.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the lesson you learned, Gloria. Your comment put a smile on my face, and I'm sure many other pets could do the same thing :)
DeleteLike others, this has not been an easy year for our home. We don't have the energy to celebrate as we like, so we are scaling back on Christmas. We put up the tree with simple decorations but did not do a lot of other decorating. Visits have been more one-on-one rather than large group events. Even buying and baking have become less. The highlight for us this year will be the Christmas Eve candlelight service and the Christmas Day service. Attending worship is always a highlight when Christmas falls on a Sunday. We are scaling back, but will focus on going big with God.
ReplyDeleteMarnie, thanks for sharing. I like that - "We are scaling back, but focus on going big with God." May God continue to meet you where you're at and give you joy in the journey He has placed before you. Hugs!
Delete