Is It Quitting Time? by Lynn Dove

 I have never felt more like quitting than today!  

The weight of that thought droops my shoulders, and brings me close to tears.  I look at the blank screen on my computer and experience an overwhelming urge to delete every file, purge the hard drive of every piece of my writing, finished and unfinished, and declare my writing career done.  

For good.  

Forever.

I don't get paid enough for this!  The more I think about that fact, the angrier I become.  Is it worth it financially for me to continue?  

Seriously!  

My heart's just not in it anymore!  It isn't.  I haven't enjoyed the process in months.  It is tedium now, something I do out of obligation, a sense of duty.  I struggle whenever I try to put my thoughts onto paper.  I don't feel any sense of accomplishment after I've rattled off a somewhat mediocre article, just a sense of relief that I have completed yet another writing deadline on time.  I can now relax until another bout of nagging guilt forces me to tackle yet another last minute assignment.

I debate closing down every social media account I have.  I want anonymity, obscurity, to vanish like a wisp and face the consequences of what I am convinced is welcome oblivion.  

Will people even notice my absence?  Do I honestly think that my presence online is that important to anyone else?

So, I ask myself, "Why am I doing this?"

I pause.  The question begs an answer, but I have no ready answers.

Why am I doing this?

The question hangs in the air like a maleficent odour.  It reeks in its putridity.  I have to figure out an answer or I will eventually succumb to this impending stench of death.  I am hearing in my head the gonging chimes marking the death knell of my writing.

Why am I doing this?

Is it for the money?

No.  I almost laugh out loud.  I suppose there are authors who are making good money with their writing.  Not me.  

But, it's never been about the money for me...  Has it?

No.  There was a time I wrote for the sheer pleasure of it.  I wrote because I loved to write.  I was compelled to write.  The art, the act of writing beckoned to me from deep within.  When I was awake, I thought about writing, and when I drifted to sleep, I was still composing and editing the storylines in my head.  

When did it become about the money?  

I have to answer honestly with abject sadness, "When writing became more like a job, and less about the craft."

So if I'm not writing for the money, is it for fame?

I will admit that I enjoy the compliments, the comments, the writing accolades, the awards I have received because of my writing.  Prideful?  Definitely.  It does motivate me to keep writing to stroke my ego.  However, I have also faced criticism.

I don't like that.

I have faced critical evaluation of my writing, and even though it is hard to read and accept, I still continue to write despite it.  

I'm not stroking my ego then.  

It is persevering in the midst of struggle.  It is wanting to overcome, to grow, to improve.  I conclude that writing must be more than attaining money or garnering personal fame.  The revelation of that causes me to perk up a bit, but again I face that nagging question:

So, why am I doing this?

Philippians 1: 4-6 immediately comes to mind. "In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

The Apostle Paul is praising the Philippians for their work in spreading the gospel, and that work, with God's help, will not be completed until the second coming of Jesus.  For me, it is a rallying cry to persevere, to continue in the work God has called me to until such time He tells me to stop.

I am once again reminded that it's not about me, it's all about Him.

My writing is His.

It is not up to me to quit when I am frustrated, discouraged, overwhelmed or just plain tired of it all.  It is embracing my ongoing ministry, my partnership in the gospel, and I must continue it to completion.  I ask forgiveness for my self-centeredness, and ask God to renew my passion for writing once again.  

Thankfully, He always answers that prayer!

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her at lynndove.com 

Lynn without an "e" by Lynn Dove

When I was a little girl I had a lot of trouble fitting in.  I was a bit geeky looking and bit my nails to the quick.  I wasn't a social butterfly, and did not make friends easily.  I was a people pleaser, still am to some extent, so I followed along with the herd mentality of the time, even if I didn't agree with the "herd".  I had a wild imagination that I allowed to run wild on paper, so I became known as a "story teller" in elementary school.  I loved to write grand adventures, and used as my characters all the students in my class, including teachers (who oftentimes were depicted as villains).  Everyone enjoyed hearing their name mentioned in my stories, and so I gained notoriety and some vain enjoyment in being the centre of attention for a little when I would read aloud my stories in class.  My teachers encouraged my writing, perhaps seeing some potential in me that was otherwise lacking in other subject areas at school.  

When I was a teenager, I continued to write and enjoyed writing satirical articles for the local community paper and our school newspaper.  Again, it allowed me an opportunity to express my thoughts and opinions that I could not voice in person.  Most often people agreed with my stance, but occasionally someone would oppose my view, and I took their criticism personally and would retreat to my "corner", unable to write for weeks.  I still have difficulty having my writing critiqued.  Although I no longer take it as a personal affront, I still do not like to read negative reviews.  I step out of my comfort zone each and every time I enter a writing competition because I am so nervous about what judges may say about my writing.  Yet, I also enjoy honing my craft, so I have learned to accept and learn from constructive criticism, but it has taken years to overcome my fear of critical evaluation.

I was an avid reader from a very young age, disappearing whole-heartedly into a book, where I lived, breathed and took on the persona of the main character.  It was like being teleported to a new plane of reality for me every time I immersed myself in a book.  I can remember the first time I went into our school library in grade one and signed out my first chapter book.  THAT book changed my life, and in some ways is partially responsible for the career trajectory I took in becoming a teacher and a writer.

I would never presume to think my writing comparable to this incomparable writer, but it would behoove me to say that throughout my life her books have greatly inspired and influenced my own writing.  I do not feel this author's "presence" when I write; I have no belief in that whatsoever.  However, there are many times when I write, that I will challenge myself to emulate this author's capacity to write predominantly from personal experience.  The first time I read "Anne of Green Gables" by Lucy Maud Montgomery, I knew I wanted to write novels geared towards youth and young adults, but would also captivate the attention of readers of all ages.  Montgomery's headstrong, young heroine, Anne imprinted herself on my heart. I related to Anne in so many, many ways.  She was geeky too, but had a wild imagination like myself.  Like Anne, I was constantly correcting people how to spell my first name: Lynn without an "e" please!  Anne wrote articles and stories and became a teacher, and reading about her adventures as a writer and teacher, fostered a longing in me to have the same kinds of adventures.  Of course, as I got older and continued to read other novels written by L.M. Montgomery, I became more and more enamored and impressed with the strong, heroines she wrote about in her books.  Over many years, I have compiled the complete "Anne" collection, as well as add twenty or so more books written by Lucy Maud Montgomery.  

L.M. Montgomery depicts women as strong individuals who follow their dreams despite trying circumstances.  Again, I relate so well to these women.  My life in general has been a series of overcoming challenging situations.  Like me, those heroines have made their share of mistakes, but they challenge themselves and others to forge ahead despite what they may face.  They are humourous, they take risks, they are unstoppable, and that gives them credibility in my eyes.  I also enjoy how faith is interwoven throughout Montgomery's books.  She is not preachy, allowing the reader to surmise how and from Whom her heroines gain their strength.  

Another attribute I applaud in the way Montgomery builds her characters, is the real attention to detail.  Her characters are so believable that the reader develops a close affinity with them.  Anne became my lifelong friend as a young reader!  I cared about what happened to her in each book.  Long after the last page was turned, I wanted to learn more about her. I remember memorizing the poem "The Highwayman" because Anne did!  In every Language Arts class I have taught in junior high, I have taken special pleasure in introducing my students to that epic poem, regardless whether or not it was on the school's curriculum outline.  

When I started to write my first novel, I was very mindful about character development, especially depicting my heroines to be strong, confident individuals, yet be vulnerable as well.  I wanted them to have teachable spirits. I believe that L.M. Montgomery would have approved of my efforts.  

Perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned after reading "Anne of Green Gables", was embedded in a line that Anne spoke: "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."  I can't help but think that L.M. Montgomery may have had this Bible Verse in mind when she penned that line. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases: his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV)

My writing and daily living is wrapped up in that philosophy.  

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com 

A Change of Plans by Lynn Dove

You will have to excuse me, but tomorrow my daughter gets married and I'm just a wee bit excited!  We had been looking forward to this day, July 18, 2020 for well over a year.  The venue had been booked a year in advance, as had the photographer, and florist.  My daughter, Carmen, and her fiance, Jack dreamed of the way the day would go.  They had been meticulous in planning everything down to the finest detail.  I was blessed to be with Carmen when she picked out the gown of her dreams just before I started my chemo treatments last year.  Bridesmaids and groomsmen were selected, engagement photos shot, and wedding invites all mailed out at the beginning of March. 

Then Covid-19 hit and everything changed!

The province of Alberta went into total lock down, as did the rest of Canada.  As the weeks lagged on in isolation, Carmen and Jack faced the reality that their wedding plans had to change.  As out-of-town guests were forced to cancel their flights, and Alberta imposed group size restrictions, they had to make tough decisions.  Reluctantly,  they cancelled the dinner planned for over a hundred guests at their chosen golf course venue.  They explained their circumstances with their wedding merchants to tell them of their change of plans.  Thankfully, everyone was incredibly understanding and supportive of the young couple. They emailed all the invited wedding guests and said, "Due to the current situation, and our concerns for the health of our loved ones, we have decided to cancel our wedding.  We will be eloping on July 18, 2020.  We trust you understand our decision.  Thank you and we send our love and best wishes for good health.  Carmen & Jack." 

With that said, the wedding day they had dreamed about for over a year vanished in a vapour of tears.  

I wept before the Lord about our world situation in general, but particularly I cried out to the Lord to comfort my daughter and my son-in-law-to-be as they tried to come to terms with this huge change of plans.  They were adamant they wanted to be married on their chosen day, but the question was where to have the ceremony and how to celebrate with the tight Covid safety restrictions in place.  For several weeks, they did not know what they would do.  My heart broke every time my daughter texted me.  At first they thought about just driving to the mountains, find a scenic spot with just parents and their officiant being present to see them take their vows, but the provincial parks were closed and officials refused them permits.  They were becoming so discouraged and my prayers intensified for them to think "outside the box" and settle on a plan they could eventually embrace wholeheartedly.  I jumped for joy, literally, when they finally decided to have the ceremony at our home and have a small dinner "reception" at Jack's parent's home. 

It was an answer to prayer.

For the last several weeks we have been in full-scale planning mode.  My husband built their wedding arch and we've been trying to get our small acreage in shape so it will be an almost park-like setting for the ceremony.  The florist and photographer have adapted to the new changes well, and are prepared for the smaller gathering.  Jack's parents have superbly decorated their home for the reception dinner, making the setting as festive and beautiful as it could possibly be.  We hired a caterer, who has impressed us all with her attention to detail, and we are looking forward to the plated dinner, and the sweet treats she has planned to serve.  We know that the day's celebration will be considerably scaled back with only twenty people in attendance, but Carmen and Jack have observed how everything has just come together in so many ways that they are confident their day will be as special as it can possibly be.  I suspect that when the young couple look back on their wedding day in the coming years, they will remember the love of family, and the joy of the day, and they will not dwell on "what might have been", but only remember how wonderful it was!

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com   

The Themes They Are A-Changin' by Lynn Dove

It started during the night as a tightening, then a squeezing pain in my right calf.  I knew right away I had another blood clot, a DVT.  I hobbled down the stairs and broke the news to my husband that he'd better take me to the emergency room. 

He groaned, "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," I winced while struggling to put on my shoes. 

Having a family history of DVT's, cancer, and diagnosed with another clotting disorder, the odds were in my favour to get blood clots at some time in my life, and sure enough, I have experienced deep vein thrombosis three times before this one.  As we drove in silence to the hospital, I could feel the anxiety well up in me.  Times had changed in our world.  We were still in the middle of a pandemic, and I wondered what new protocols might be in place to address my current situation and also to keep me safe from contracting the virus.  I wore a mask, as has been my new normal while I've been out and about the last several weeks, but I was given a new one the instant I walked into the emergency department.  The nurses were in full PPE (personal protective equipment), but their eyes seemed friendly enough.  Both my husband and I were told to sanitize our hands, and wait, keeping socially distant from anyone else in the waiting room.  At least the waiting part was very familiar to us.  It was a full day spent at the hospital, waiting on medical tests to confirm what I already knew, I had a DVT in my right leg.  I was sent home with my prescription for blood thinner pills and a new referral to the Thrombosis Clinic. 

All last year, I had documented my battle with endometrial cancer on my blog, Journey Thoughts.  I certainly had not intended at the start of 2019, that the theme of my writing for most of that year, would be focused on my personal journey with cancer, but life events have a way of determining what I write about.  When my kids were teenagers, I wrote about bullying, based on what they were experiencing at school.  When I was teaching, I wrote about my classroom experiences.  As a grandmother now, I write about my growing family.  My personal walk of faith with God has always been a part of my writing, interwoven throughout like a reoccurring colourful thread.  As life has its ebb and flow, or in my case giant U-turns, my writing gives account to all the highs and lows of daily living and walking with God through it all.

It is no wonder that the last several months, my writing has documented some of the challenges I've faced living through a global pandemic.  Three months ago I never used the terms, social distancing, cohort family, or global pandemic.  I never wore a mask, nor imagined a time when people would be forced to stand two metres apart, or unable to hug loved ones, or discover no toilet paper on grocery store shelves.  I thought I faced a "new normal" after my battle with cancer?  I'm still trying to figure out how to follow arrows in supermarkets to ensure we can pick up milk in a safe and orderly manner!

In the last two weeks, I have seen demonstrations held world-wide, to bring awareness to the systemic racism that pervades our society.  It has sensitized me on how I can write in such a way that shows my empathy without offending anyone.  It hasn't been easy.  I want to stay relevant in my writing, but admittedly, there are just some themes and topics I am uncomfortable in tackling.  So I pray instead, and hope my Saviour groans and intercedes on my behalf, hearing my heart when words fail me.

I've spent the past week with my leg elevated, waiting for the blood thinners to cut in.  Only today have I been able to sit at length in front of my computer to blog.  As I reflect on all the events that have occurred world wide, as well as process my own personal experiences over these past few years, I know my writing is in perpetual metamorphosis.  What I write about today, will not be what I write about a year from now,... maybe not even a week from now.  I'm okay with that.  I do pray I will be writing less and less about my ongoing medical issues, because it's a pain.  Literally.  All I can say with great certainty going forward is, "The Themes They are A-Changin'".

  
Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com   

The Wounded Trilogy by Lynn Dove



The Wounded Trilogy by Lynn Dove

I have always loved the children’s book, “The Little Engine That Could”.  I loved the pluck and spunk of that little engine with the “I think I can, I think I can” attitude.  I love underdog stories!  I love the idea that despite all odds and being the smallest and definitely not the strongest, this little engine succeeded when all the other bigger engines failed because he believed in his heart he could do it!

What’s that got to do with me, you say?  Well, in 2009, I published my first book, "Shoot the Wounded", a young adult contemporary Christian fiction that has spawned two other books, "Heal the Wounded" and "Love the Wounded" (The Wounded Trilogy).  The books delve deep into the real world of teenagers trying to live out their faith in the midst of upset and struggle.  The books have garnered much praise and attention for their sensitivity towards social issues such as teen pregnancy, gossip, bullying and cancer and the books continue to fair well on some of Amazon's best-selling lists.  They have won awards and 5 star reviews, and teenagers and parents alike are buying and reading the books in numbers I never imagined.

But the books were almost never written…

I wrote Shoot the Wounded over twenty years ago.  It started out as a short story, something I just plucked away at for a weekend writing, but one hundred pages later I realized it was not a “short” story any more.  I would add a bit more to the manuscript every now and then, but I really had no real intention of going any further with it.

Then life happened...

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 and it was a two year battle where everything I was doing before my diagnosis basically went “on hold” until I was healthy again.  I was just starting to grow back all my hair that I had lost after chemo, when God called me to seminary and also to be the Minister to Children at my home church in Cochrane.  My oldest daughter got married.  Life was full and busy.  I graduated from the Canadian Southern Baptist Seminary with my Master of Religious Education degree in 2007 and one day as I was cleaning out all the “old” files on my computer I came across the untitled Shoot the Wounded manuscript.  It was just collecting computer “dust” and I almost hit the delete button…

My husband, Charles stopped me.  “Why don’t you finish that story and do something with it?” he said.

That led me on the writing and publishing journey that culminated in Love the Wounded, the third book in the young adult series. 

There were many ups and downs, with seemingly endless hills to climb on that particular writing journey.  There were many times I felt just like the Little Engine that Could…but with the help of God and MANY mentors, and supporters, I puffed my way up those hills with an “I think I can” attitude.  On those days when my thoughts were: “I DON’T think I can anymore”, and I felt weak and worn out from the effort, all those encouragers God had placed in my path helped push me up and over those mountains!

I am so grateful that God continues to use the message in my books to encourage students who are victims of bullying.  My books, written from a Christian world-view perspective, are reaching out to teens and adults who need to know that they are not alone; God is always there for them.  My writing has become a ministry and I am humbled God would use me and my books to spread His message of Hope to so many. 

While promoting my books, I began writing my blog, "Journey Thoughts" which has gone on to win a Canadian Christian Writing Award in 2011 and has to date over 11 million hits!  I would never have even thought to write that blog had it not been for publishing my first book. 

I don’t know where this “track” I’m on will continue to take me but with God and all my encouragers helping me along, I’m pretty sure it will be a great ride!

*(adapted from a previous article entitled "The Little Engine That Could" I wrote in 2013).

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com 

Journey Food by Lynn Dove

I love this month's theme about which Scripture verses keep me nourished as a writer...

As with all Scripture that feeds my spirit as well as my writer's heart, it's hard to pinpoint just one verse that encapsulates the journey.  My blog, "Journey Thoughts" is all about my journeying with God through the mountain top and valley experiences of life.  A writer faces those same peaks and lows: the first time an article/book is published, or the first (of many) rejection letters.  My writing career has seen its share of highs and lows but through it all the Word of God is constant and unchanging!  It encourages me throughout my writing process and transforms my heart to not give up when I'm faced with those discouraging moments.

There are two passages of Scripture that I have displayed prominently as I write:

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”  Proverbs 16:9

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever.  Amen.” 1 Peter 4:10-11

The first passage my husband and I chose as our life verse when we got married 39 years ago on June 2nd.  Over those many years, there have been so many numerous twists and turns on life's journey together they are too numerous to recount.  Whatever road we walked, whether in plenty or in want, joy or in sorrow, sickness and in health, we learned to lean on and trust in God.  Sometimes we tried to navigate on our own strength, and that's when we had to reclaim Proverbs 16:9 and submit to God again to chart our course, because His way was (is) always the best way!

That verse has also guided my writing through these many years.  I did not ever intend to be a published author, but God had a different plan!  With three books published, and numerous articles and stories published in anthologies and magazines, I still am humbled and amazed by where God has taken me with my writing.  All Glory goes to Him!

The second verse in 1 Peter, is actually a call to minister, and the responsibility that involves.  To those of us who have been called by God to write, we are ministers of our words.  It is a privilege but also an awesome responsibility to write so others may be kingdom-affected.  I purposely changed the verse to make it even more applicable to me as a writer. 

"“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks (writes), they should do so as one who speaks (writes) the very words of God. If anyone serves (writes), they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things (writings) God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever.  Amen.” 

This keeps me very mindful that to write is a gift from God.  Writing should bring Him Glory, and I must write thoughtfully and carefully so that my words do not bring dishonour to Him.

Amen.

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com 

What If's? by Lynn Dove

What if I had a whole year free to write?  There have been movies about that kind of a plot line where an author goes off by himself/herself for a lengthy period of time to write the next great best-seller.  As I recall in some of those movies like "Secret Window" or "Misery" or "The Shining", it does not end well for the writer.  Of course that sort of scenario only happens in Stephen King novels, right?

Personally, I think a year dedicated to the craft of writing may be idyllic but I know it would turn out horrific for me and here's why.

I procrastinate.

I would spend the year dedicated towards writing doing everything else but write.  For me, I need the deadlines, the fixed schedule, the required daily discipline necessary to stay focused to be able to write.  I am a pressure writer, I actually thrive under it. 

There are writers who would be able to lay out a daily writing schedule for a year and stick to it.  I applaud them, but that's not me!  I would likely start the year off with set goals and long-range plans but like most New Year's resolutions, within a month of best intentions, I wouldn't have accomplished much and the guilt at having squandered the opportunity would likely create a writer's block that would take me eleven months to overcome.

In the meantime, I would have learned how to cook, garden, paint and anything else that caught my fancy over that time.  I would have read countless novels, taken good, long walks, spent more time on Pinterest (than I already do now), and would only have a few of my own written lines to merit an editor's cursory glance.

Instead, I would prefer a year dedicated to learning about the craft of writing; taking courses, joining writing groups, attending conferences, traveling to book fairs and actually hob-nobbing with other authors for inspiration and encouragement.  THAT would be my idea of idyllic and I would consider that a year well spent! 

(On a side note: The InScribe Writer's Conference is at the end of September and unfortunately my schedule will not permit me to attend this year.  I attended a couple of years back and enjoyed myself thoroughly.  Know that my thoughts and prayers will be with all the attendees at this year's conference!)

Connect with Lynn on her award-winning blog, "Journey Thoughts"