Talk about intimidation!
She yelled her insults at me from across the room. I tried to ignore her, but her taunting continued. She was calling me names in front of my peers and challenging me to fight her after school. Her unrelenting, persistent bullying of me throughout the year had finally culminated into this tirade during a study period. The teacher had left the classroom, so spurred on by her "pack" of she-wolves' who laughed at my embarrassment and discomfort, she called me names laced with the most vile expletives that made me cringe.
"Don't let her bug you!" My friend, who sat behind me, tapped me on the back and whispered.
"It's kind of hard," I whispered back.
I remembered all the times she had bumped into me in the hallway. Whenever she found me by myself and vulnerable, she hip-checked me with all the gusto of a hockey defenseman into the lockers, and then glared at me and bellowed, "Watch where you're going, b****!" I found expletives scrawled about me in the girl's change room. I was the subject of malicious gossip. I was tripped, books knocked from my hand, and as she and her friends played keep-away with my pencil case, her laughter rang in my ears.
I don't know how or when I had first offended her, or why she wanted to punish and torment me, but she hated me, that was obvious, and she took devilish delight in hurting me physically and emotionally every chance she could. We followed a strict code at my school. I couldn't "tell" on her, that would only label me as a snitch and she threatened more punishment as a result. So, I felt trapped and wounded in a school environment that could not seem to protect me. I discovered the best offense was a really good defense, so I avoided her as much as possible. There was safety in numbers, so I surrounded myself with a few choice friends that were not as intimidated by her as I was. Still, there was palpable tension whenever we passed one another that finally built up to this final altercation in the classroom.
I stood up and faced her and agreed to meet her after school. She punched her right hand into her left palm and menacingly grinned at me, "You're dead meat, Princess!"
"Are you insane?" My friend behind me said. "She's going to pound you up!"
I shuddered, but thought to myself, "If I die, I die."
It was anti-climatic when I showed up at the designation of our "rumble" to find myself alone. I waited for a half an hour and she never showed. Word got around the school that I had been prepared to fight her, but she "jammed out". I didn't feel like I had won any great victory. In fact, I was more nervous than ever to be alone in case she decided to ambush me.
A few days before graduation, my english teacher asked to speak to me after school. English was my favourite subject and I had just turned in my final writing assignment. On her desk were two papers. She asked me to read the one that had been written by my nemesis. I only read a few sentences to realize she had somehow plagiarized my paper.
"This is very serious," Mrs. Lidster said. "I have two papers in front of me that are virtually identical. I'm not quite sure what to do about this. There is no time to submit another paper for a grade. I have to have my final marks in this afternoon." I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up her hand and shook her head. "I know what you've been going through, Lynn," she said. "I've seen how you've put up with her all year long. I wish you'd have talked to me, but you have a chance now to enact a little revenge. You're a straight A student in my class. I don't know how she managed to get a hold of your paper to copy it, but I'll find out. The thing is, she needed this paper to pass my class. She must have been pretty desperate to steal your paper knowing she needed a good one for a passing grade. Without a paper she will not graduate. I just wanted you to know."
I stared at the paper in my hand. Her name was on the paper, but the words were mine. I remember the hours I had spent writing it. It felt good that I hadn't needed to defend myself to my teacher. She knew my innocence before she had even called me in to see her. That was a great relief. On the other hand, I now held in my hands the evidence I could use against my Bully. If I accused her of copying my paper, she would not graduate. It was a small town. Our graduating class was small. The ramifications of not graduating with her peers, despite all she had put me through, did not fill me with glee, but great trepidation. I surprised myself when I suddenly blurted out, "Is there a way you can pass her anyway?"
Mrs. Lidster sat back in her chair and folded her hands in front of her on her desk. "Are you asking me to show grace to her?" I was not a Christian in high school and had no Biblical understanding of the word "grace", but I nodded. "I am meeting with her in a few minutes. I make no promises, but the fact you're the injured party in all of this and you want her to graduate anyway,...well...I plan on letting her know who she should be thanking for this."
The girl who had tormented me through high school sat a few seats down from me at graduation. She did not speak to me, nor acknowledge what had transpired between her or Mrs. Lidster. However, I think we both knew she was there because of me. I had somehow defeated my bully with an act of kindness. I think it surprised both of us.
When I became a teacher, one of my goals was to be an anti-bullying advocate. I not only tried to recognize the signs of victimization, and take action to prevent further abuse, but also learn what goes on in the hearts and minds of those students who choose to bully others. I discovered quickly that "Hurt people hurt people."
Our family went through a very dark time when my daughter in Junior High was placed on suicide watch because she had been bullied to such an extent she had convinced herself that ending her life was the only way to cope with the abuse. Thankfully, before my daughter took action, she confided in another adult she trusted, her piano teacher, who in turn took the appropriate action to inform me of my daughter's dire situation. A guilt haunts me to this day that I had trained myself to recognize the signs of victimization in other students, but I had completely missed seeing it in my own child! It spurred me on to be even more involved in several anti-bullying forums that equip teachers, parents, and students with resources and action plans to stop bullying in schools. When I wrote my "Wounded Trilogy" books, I was very purposeful in having bullying as a major theme. Directed to a young adult reading audience, my books have been recommended as resources by websites such as www.bullying.org here in Canada.
There are so many causes, social injustices etc., that I could rally behind, but for me, to see bullying in all its forms eradicated from all the hallways, school playgrounds, and social media, motivates me to take action like nothing else.
Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes. A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner. Readers may connect with her at lynndove.com
