Is It Quitting Time? by Lynn Dove

 I have never felt more like quitting than today!  

The weight of that thought droops my shoulders, and brings me close to tears.  I look at the blank screen on my computer and experience an overwhelming urge to delete every file, purge the hard drive of every piece of my writing, finished and unfinished, and declare my writing career done.  

For good.  

Forever.

I don't get paid enough for this!  The more I think about that fact, the angrier I become.  Is it worth it financially for me to continue?  

Seriously!  

My heart's just not in it anymore!  It isn't.  I haven't enjoyed the process in months.  It is tedium now, something I do out of obligation, a sense of duty.  I struggle whenever I try to put my thoughts onto paper.  I don't feel any sense of accomplishment after I've rattled off a somewhat mediocre article, just a sense of relief that I have completed yet another writing deadline on time.  I can now relax until another bout of nagging guilt forces me to tackle yet another last minute assignment.

I debate closing down every social media account I have.  I want anonymity, obscurity, to vanish like a wisp and face the consequences of what I am convinced is welcome oblivion.  

Will people even notice my absence?  Do I honestly think that my presence online is that important to anyone else?

So, I ask myself, "Why am I doing this?"

I pause.  The question begs an answer, but I have no ready answers.

Why am I doing this?

The question hangs in the air like a maleficent odour.  It reeks in its putridity.  I have to figure out an answer or I will eventually succumb to this impending stench of death.  I am hearing in my head the gonging chimes marking the death knell of my writing.

Why am I doing this?

Is it for the money?

No.  I almost laugh out loud.  I suppose there are authors who are making good money with their writing.  Not me.  

But, it's never been about the money for me...  Has it?

No.  There was a time I wrote for the sheer pleasure of it.  I wrote because I loved to write.  I was compelled to write.  The art, the act of writing beckoned to me from deep within.  When I was awake, I thought about writing, and when I drifted to sleep, I was still composing and editing the storylines in my head.  

When did it become about the money?  

I have to answer honestly with abject sadness, "When writing became more like a job, and less about the craft."

So if I'm not writing for the money, is it for fame?

I will admit that I enjoy the compliments, the comments, the writing accolades, the awards I have received because of my writing.  Prideful?  Definitely.  It does motivate me to keep writing to stroke my ego.  However, I have also faced criticism.

I don't like that.

I have faced critical evaluation of my writing, and even though it is hard to read and accept, I still continue to write despite it.  

I'm not stroking my ego then.  

It is persevering in the midst of struggle.  It is wanting to overcome, to grow, to improve.  I conclude that writing must be more than attaining money or garnering personal fame.  The revelation of that causes me to perk up a bit, but again I face that nagging question:

So, why am I doing this?

Philippians 1: 4-6 immediately comes to mind. "In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

The Apostle Paul is praising the Philippians for their work in spreading the gospel, and that work, with God's help, will not be completed until the second coming of Jesus.  For me, it is a rallying cry to persevere, to continue in the work God has called me to until such time He tells me to stop.

I am once again reminded that it's not about me, it's all about Him.

My writing is His.

It is not up to me to quit when I am frustrated, discouraged, overwhelmed or just plain tired of it all.  It is embracing my ongoing ministry, my partnership in the gospel, and I must continue it to completion.  I ask forgiveness for my self-centeredness, and ask God to renew my passion for writing once again.  

Thankfully, He always answers that prayer!

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her at lynndove.com 

Of Muse Jars and Other Essential Things - M. Laycock

I was chatting with a friend this morning and sharing about how nervous I was when I had to go about asking people for endorsements for my work. I confided that I was afraid that those I asked would respond in a negative way. (What if they hate my writing?)

My friend was amazed. "How could you think that?" she said.

"Self-doubt is a plague a lot of writers struggle with," I responded. It's one with which I am very familiar.

I was feeling quite discouraged not long ago and sat at my computer desk with all kinds of negative thoughts running rampant. Then I glanced up. I have a hodge-podge of photos and memorabilia on a ledge above my monitor. Just as I scanned them that day, my eyes rested on my muse jar. If you have been attending InScribe's Fall conference for a while you might have one too. I made one for each table one year. Someone at each table got to take the muse jar home. I saved a special one for myself, it's an old antique sealer jar that has a few pebbles in the bottom anchoring a picture of Lucy Maude Montgomery, author of the Anne and Emily books. I chose Lucy because it was after reading Emily of New Moon at the age of eleven that I decided to become a writer. Looking up at my muse jar encouraged me again and I turned back to my work.

Discouragement is a common problem for writers so it's advisable to keep things around you that will inspire you. Photos are good, especially those of friends and loved ones smiling back at you - I have a couple of myself with friends from writers' conferences that always make me smile. Things like my muse jar help too, and award certificates are physical reminders that my work has meant something to someone. A photo with Rudy Wiebe taken at his mentoring workshop reminds me of his words, "this is good writing," spoken as he critiqued my manuscript. A tiny crystal mouse, given to me by my brother when I was quite young reminds me that even small and seemingly insignificant things have purpose. A card my daughter gave me often helps - it's a picture of a woman doing a headstand on a mountaintop and bears the words, "unsteady at first, it was perseverance that saw her through." A photo of me teaching a workshop reminds me that I have skills to offer, things I can give others.

So fill your workspace with encouraging things. You never know when you might need them. You never know when the Lord will use them to lift your heart and remember you are doing what he created you to do.

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Learn more about Marcia's writing and speaking ministry on her website .

In a State of High Dudgeon - Marcia Laycock

I found myself there this past week. "In a state of high dudgeon." -- a state or fit of intense indignation; resentment; ill humour.

A more common word for it is discouragement. It's a nasty word and an even nastier reality. But it happens. We have days when things overwhelm us, when bad news brings us low, when we wonder if God really has given us this task, this ministry of writing. And if He has, why doesn't he let a few others in on the secret?

I had one of those days this week. I'd been fighting it for some time, ever since learning that the treatments I'll have to undergo for cancer may be more extensive than originally thought. That could mean I'll have to cancel a trip to the arctic that has been planned for over a year. Then I got an email from my publisher telling me my next novel may not be published after all. And an attempt to solicit help from friends to promote my e-book was a dismal failure. A phone call from my sister who is watching our mother die in a town on the other side of the country left me on the edge. All of this has left me feeling tired and unwilling to keep trying to roll that huge ball of life uphill.

Discouragement. It can lead to frustration and frustration to anger and anger to lack of faith. It was my husband who reminded me of this. I guess he was seeing the signs. He reminded me that my worth is not dependent on selling millions of books. He reminded me that success does not rest on being on the best sellers list. He reminded me about some of the changes in people's lives because they've read my novel. He reminded me that joy does not rely on the circumstances around me but comes from knowing I am loved by a God who gave his own life for mine.

That lifted my head, made me look up again and realize that God is here, with me. He's the one who gave the ball a mighty heave to get it moving in the first place and I know he's not going to abandon me or let it roll back on top of me.

A friend sent me this scripture yesterday. It helped lift my head up too: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed" (2 Corinthians 4:8).

And then there's this one: "I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber" (Psalm 121 - 1-3).


So I am lifting my eyes to see the gifts of God around me - the burgeoning green of spring; the deep red of geraniums in my living room that just won't quit blooming; the hugs and prayers of friends who just won't quit encouraging me. And I am thankful.



Marcia writes from central Alberta where she lives with her husband of 30 years, two golden retrievers and a six-toed cat. Visit her website - www.vinemarc.com

My Friends are Getting Published - Janet Sketchley

As well as being a member of InScribe Christian Writers’ Fellowship, I also belong to The Word Guild and American Christian Fiction Writers (yes, I'm Canadian!). And I’m privileged to be part of an amazing online critique and encouragement group as well as one that's face-to-face. It’s a fine way to meet fellow writers, keep up with news, and stay encouraged.

Lots of writing friends—this is great. We understand and support one another like non-writers can’t. We’ve cheered one another on, we know how hard the journey is, and when one of them gets published, I think it’s almost as exciting as if it were my manuscript being accepted.

I can honestly say my first response is happiness for the new contract. I cheer and punch the air, and send a sincerely gleeful congratulatory email—364 days of the year.

The other 24 hours tend to spread out in small increments across the year. I’m still glad for whoever’s book will now be published and I wouldn’t want to take that away from them, but will it ever be my turn? Why is it happening for everyone else instead?

I had one of “those” hours not long ago and the Lord reminded me of Jesus telling Peter in effect, “If I want John to stay alive until I come back, that’s My business. You tend to yours.”

I had to choose to accept it, and to repeat it to myself regularly for the next while, but the message was clear: He has a plan for each writer, and the only plan that concerns me is mine. If he wants others to be published and not me, that’s His call. He’s the Shepherd, the chief Author.

And I can rest in the knowledge that if He’s preparing me for a publishing contract, it will happen—in His way and time. All I have to do is keep working so I’ll be ready. In the mean time He’s given me lots of friends to enjoy—both real and imaginary :-)

PS I do have a Christmas short story online this month in this month's Christian Fiction Online magazine in Dee Stewart's Multicultural Fiction column. It’s called “Too Much to Ask?” and is written under the pen name of Joanna Mallory.

© Janet Sketchley, 2009
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For devotionals, reviews and conversation, stop by Janet Sketchley's blog, God with Us: Finding Joy.