February 25, 2022

The Fabric of Love by Sharon Heagy


Loss has defined our new year as it has for the families and friends it touched. It started with a very dear friend who passed on December 27 and ended a couple of weeks ago with our brother in-law’s mom, a very special lady. We have attended too many funerals lately, either on-line or in person, but there has been commonality in them all. Every person who died was deeply loved by someone. You could hear it in the words of a tribute and perceive it in a power point presentation of pictures. A  lifetime lived crammed into a one-hour service.

            It occurred to me that the condensation process, the sifting through moments that create a life, treasuring some, discarding others, that process removes the dross and leaves golden memories of love, of joy, of relationship. The hurt that may have left a scar, the unkind word or action that may have been said or done is, in most cases, forgotten and the focus is on the afterglow. Darkness is dispelled.  Caring words and deeds, kind moments, flashes filled with joy, those remain. And though some may say ‘Well of course they focus on the best, you can’t say ‘bad’ things at a funeral.”, and though there may be a sliver of truth in that, I believe it is more.

            As we grieve, we want to remember the love. We need to remember the love. It is the thread from the hand of God that is sewn into the fabric of humanity. The search for love – not the airy-fairy romantic type but the solid, ‘matter of fact no matter what’ kind of love is why we were built. It is what leads us to our Creator, to our Father, to Love.

            There is an honest and earnest love when family and friends speak of loved ones that have passed on. Deeply rooted love enables people to speak words of truth regarding a curmudgeonly old aunt, or a real cranky pants parent with genuine affection. Most can see beyond the crusty exterior to the soft gooey centre where love lives, even if we only see a tiny speck.

            We were created by Love and for Love and if we get our judgemental flesh out of the way, we can see the one whom God created behind the smoke screen they may present.

            It hit me at our aunt’s funeral when her two boys shared cherished and candid memories of their mom. As an aging mom myself, it gave me pause to wonder what my own sons might say at my funeral. Will they be able to take the quirks, foibles and failures and present them with obvious love and affection? Who knows? I am not planning to be in attendance.

            But what I do know is that love does not just exist while a person is alive but lingers long after they have left this earth. It’s why the passing of a loved one can feel like yesterday, even though 30, 40, or even 50 years have passed. Love is not just a feeling. It has substance, it is eternal and is the very fabric of the universe. It goes beyond our scope of understanding and imagining.

            As a writer, as a Christian writer, no matter what I write, I need to submit it to the only One who is Love, and hopefully, His light will shine through the words and touch a heart.


  1. Thank you, dear Sharon, for this poignant reminder that love doesn't fade away or die. Precious moments don't get buried with the dead, they remain with us.

    Blessings ~ Wendy Mac

  2. What a tribute to what real love is, the love we can give others, and the love God calls us to give--looking underneath any "crusty exteriors" into the "soft gooey centre where love lives". Thank you, Sharon!!

  3. "A lifetime lived crammed into a one-hour service." So true. thanks for your candid thoughts.

  4. D.C. Talk nailed it. "Love is a Verb." ☺☻

  5. I suppose it's odd to say I love funerals ... but one reason I do is because I feel like I get to know the person through the loving comments of family and friends. And yes, love lingers long after.

  6. Thank you for your tender message Sharon. There is a somewhat popular view some people hold to these days. The view states, "grief is just love with nowhere to go." While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't agree with the view. As Christians we know our grief as love is never wasted and always has a place to go. God knows our grief love and holds it in a tender place, where He is. You have reminded us of the everlasting nature of our love even in grief.

  7. Beautiful post. Lovely thoughts, Sharon.

    Loved this line: "A lifetime lived crammed into a one-hour service." I'm so glad at funerals we opt to remember the good and the beautiful of someone's life. For sure, that's how I want to be remembered -- for the good things, not the failures (which are washed away by the Blood of the Lamb anyway)!

  8. A further comment, Sharon. A friend is a women's pastor and is speaking at her first funeral. She's quite nervous. When I forwarded this post to her, she was very grateful and said she'd use some of your concepts as she speaks.
    So thanks for writing such a touching post.

    1. Thanks, Sandi. I was going through my past blog posts looking for something specific and came across your comment. Many times I feel a little intimidated by the amazing talent in this group and sometimes think, 'Who am I kidding, I don't belong here.' To actually give someone a spark of encouragement encourages me to continue. For me, 'That's what writing is all about, Charlie Brown.' Thanks once again.


Thank you for taking the time to join in the conversation. Our writers appreciate receiving your feedback on posts you have found helpful or meaningful in some way.