My life has changed dramatically since I lost my loving husband and soulmate to cancer in April. Since then, I’ve found myself wandering through a desolate landscape filled with grief and loss, searching for the light that will lift me up out of this deep well of darkness.
I know that I must adapt my life to this new and challenging landscape, but my negative feelings—grief, fear, worry, anxiety, depression and loneliness—have caused me to lose my way. These debilitating emotions have also made it next to impossible for me to write. However, I’ve slowly come to realize that if I can refocus my writing to address my grief and loss, it may shed some light on my feelings that will help me work my way through this grieving process.
The empty page seems like a safe and comfortable place to pour out my feelings, but it requires a willingness to delve deep into this darkness that envelopes me. I will need to face my feelings of grief and loss, my fears, my worries, and my anxieties. I’ll need to summon the inner strength to explore and deal with the overwhelming emotions that writing about my grief evokes. I know it will not be easy. But if I’m brave enough, the process of writing may offer some relief from my sorrow and provide the healing needed to find my way out of this deep well of darkness.
While writing my way through grief may offer some measure of release and healing, my main source of comfort still comes through Bible study and prayer. I know that I do not have to deal with these feelings of grief and loss alone. Psalm 34:18 (NIV) assures me that “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I can rely on Him and His word to provide me with the comfort, peace, strength, guidance, and support that I need. Jesus promises “Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). If I pour out my grief to Him through prayer, I know that He will be faithful to heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds (Psalm 147:3). When I am afraid, I can ask Him to calm my fears and give me “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Although writing my way through grief may be therapeutic, helping me to cope with my negative thoughts and feelings, I know that ultimately it is through faith and prayer that God will rescue me from this deep well of darkness and lift me up into the glory of His light once more.
I really hope that writing goes some way to easing your grief.
ReplyDeleteThis is a dark time for you Nina, but know that there are many people who are holding you up in prayer. You still have a voice and someday God will call you to use it again with joy and confidence, but a season of grieivng is certainly needed first.
ReplyDeleteDear Nina, these words of yours are so very wise: "However, I’ve slowly come to realize that if I can refocus my writing to address my grief and loss, it may shed some light on my feelings that will help me work my way through this grieving process."
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for being brave and writing about your grief. Your words will help others who are grieving too.
Thank you for blessing us with writing from your heart.
Hugs ~ Wendy Mac
Dear Nina, my heart goes out to you. Losing a loving spouse to cancer is no small loss. One passage of God’s word comes to me whenever I feel called on to try to comfort someone else. I know you know these verses well too. In Proverbs 3: 5 (NRSV), the Psalmist admonishes us: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
ReplyDeleteWhile pondering this, I thought of the old song, “Trust in the Lord” by Thomas O. Chisholm. Written in 1937, the song is has several verbs in KJV language. I will only copy a small portion as it is under copyright law, but if this speaks to you, you can find it online.
Chisholm says that “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” is "God’s gracious command.” All of the words are meaningful to me. The refrains goes like this,
"Trust in the Lord, O troubled soul,
Rest in the arms of His care;
Whatever your lot, it mattereth not,
For nothing can trouble you there;
Trust in the Lord, O troubled soul,
Nothing can trouble you there.
The rest of the words are meaningful to me as well. I am sending this to you, Nina, with a prayer that you will find this hymn, or something else you come across today, helpful in bringing you peace and that you will "Fret not thy spirit in vain.” You may indeed fret, Nina, but may it not be in vain, as the time will come, or may already be here, when you can praise God once more from the depths of your heart. May you feel God’s presence even in your grief. Amen.
I’m so sorry, Nina, for the well of darkness you’re going through. I do really appreciate your honesty in writing it out. It helps me understand what you and others are going through. I do hope and pray that you will takenHis strength to keep going, and that God would send you a rose each day to let you know He’s with you. Love amd prayers, dear Nina.
ReplyDeletePam M.
Nina, thanks for trusting all of us enough to share the pain you are going through. May the Lord bring healing through the words you have expressed. May He put His loving arms around you today.
ReplyDeleteHi Nina. I haven't experienced this level of grief thus far in my life. I remember when my dad died my mother went through, "this deep well of darkness." Please, you don't have to do this on your own. Even in writing about your grief. I won't intrude, but if you want someone to walk with you in your writing I am here for you. You know what you are doing as a writer, of course, and I appreciate this. The grief you are experiencing can be unexplored territory. I have had a number of people contact me through a season of grief. Please, send me a message any time and I will support you. Please know, we are all here for you.
ReplyDeleteNina, were there words I could write that would bring you into the light beyond grief, I would write them. But then I realize they have already been written and you are already reading them, praise God. May you continue to have the courage to write from your most vulnerable place until the scars has formed over the open wounds of grief. May you take your time as you work through the tunnel but may you always be headed towards the light. If you have specific prayers you need someone to pray for you, please reach out and let me know. Prayer is such a privilege and we need to gird each other especially when we don’t have the strength to pray on our own. Sending love and hope for tomorrow.
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