"...whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14 NKJV).
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdon of heaven belongs to such as these" (Matthew 19:14).
As I write this post it is a cold and dark evening outside. My wife and I are sitting together watching a new Christmas movie on TV. Well, I guess I should say I'm semi-watching the movie! I'm doing some writing at the same time. Our young poodle Charlie, is being a brat and teasing us in his own mischievous way. He is a nice companion!
At this time of year my mind bounces from the joy of the birth of Jesus to the cries of parents who grieve the absence of little ones they looked forward to. Many of us may be aware Christmas brings a sense of someone missing in a deep way for some people. I'm one of them!
There are particularly poignant memories that habitually visit my mind and heart. They are a continual prompt for the tone of my writing. These memories will never fail to be reminders of the frailty and vulnerability of life. Life indeed, is but a vapor!
My wife and I love our six grandchildren. Their giggles and laughter help strengthen the beats of our hearts. Their personalities are vastly different from child to child. Each one is unique. Each one is loved beyond measure! Lord willing, we will see them all during Christmas when we gather as a family.
We are also grandparents to four grandchildren in heaven! Our little ones who were never born! Our family looked forward to the births of these children. Their parents especially anticipated a growing family. Like a vapor their lives vanished away! Hearts were broken. Life changed!
I haven't read of too many articles or books etc. written from the persepctive of grandparents regarding pregnancy "loss". Perhaps I can help change that! We feel the deep pain of our children as they grieve. We also live with the pain of our loss. Even at times like Christmas when grandkids do fun things as sit on Santa's lap, grandparennts can feel such loss.
Dads often feel they have to "fix" things for their children. I cannot fix this! I cannot take away the sorrow my children experienced when they found out their babies would not be born. I can, however, love them!
As a grandfather I cling to the anticipated memories I had of these children being part of my life. They would have called my wife and I, Mie Mie and Papa, just like our other grandchildren! I must admit I wept each time when I heard the news they would not be! They were not mere embryos or blobs of flesh. They were my grandchildren. They still are!
In my memories these children have not vanished away. They live in my heart. They live also where Jesus lives! Saying such things may sound fat fetched to some readers. Perhaps some are surprised a man would express such a belief and emotion.
Children who are not granted physical birth do not cease to exist. They are not "miscarriages"! They are not really lost! This is a belief of hope found in the One who came to earth and was born as a baby. The One who loves children!
Personal Blog (still being developed): scarredjoy@wordpress.com
This brings tears to my eyes, Alan. In writing about the loss of our baby many years ago, I included chapters about my mother, our baby's grandmother. My relationship with her was strained, and yet she put that aside and reached out in incredible kindness to help us through that difficult time. Yes, grandparents are powerfully impacted by the loss of a grandchild. I do hope you write about it, Alan. This needs to be shared, and you have both the writing gift and the experience. Please use these to give grandparents a voice.
ReplyDeleteHi Bobbi! Yes, it is quite a journey! I have been amazed over the years as to how many moms hid their pain about their pregnancy losses. The dads seem to be even quieter. I think however such "loss" affected grandparents in a deep way as well. Often they would hide their pain while also trying to support their children.
DeleteIt's a perspective that needs to be written, Alan. I think God's assigning this to you. Do it!
DeleteThank you for this personal and poignant post
ReplyDeleteThis is a very touching and relevant post and hope you continue to write about it. People in general shy away from not only talking about death but writing about it but inevitably for those who do it ministers and helps with grief.
ReplyDeleteThank you Gloria! We can minister to each other here!
DeleteThis is a beautiful post, Alan. And as a grandparent, I feel your heart's joy and pain. Your vulnerability makes this a strong post, full of emotion. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
ReplyDeleteHi Connie!Yes, I think a lot of grandparents would relate to such joy and pain. It is a great gift to be a grandparent! Thank you Connie!
Delete"Their giggles and laughter help strengthen the beats of our hearts." Love this line and can relate immeasurably. I am crying as I read your heart and sense your pain. I think you have a beautiful way of ministering to those who mourn the loss of an unborn child - parents and particularly the grandparent's heart from the perspective of someone who has been there! This post would make a good segue into the book (that needs to be written). Your family is blessed to have you and no wonder you do the job that you do. . .you walk the talk. Blessings and Merry Christmas - loving the way you claim ALL your grandchildren and describe how none are lost. Joy the the World. The Lord has come! Thank you for sharing this, Alan.
ReplyDeleteThank you Glynis! You encouragement means a lot to me! The pathway that leads to being a grandparent may have curves in it. Terry and I love our grandchildren and they gift us in so many ways!The four we miss are not forgotten! The six we have are hugged often and loved always! Today and tomorrow we will hear their "giggles and laughter"! Thank you my friend! Merry Christmas!
DeleteThank you, Alan, for bringing up perspective of the loss of an unborn child for you as a grandparent, and a male one at that. I love how you describe the grandchildren you have been able to play with and enjoy their giggles. I love how you speak of clinging to "the anticipated memories of them being part of my life." As a grandparent myself, and just having connected with them again through Christmas, your loving words speak to my heart.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon! Thank you for your reply to my post. Perhaps grandfathers don't weigh in on such heartbreaks very often. Perhaps we all too often keep our pain to ourselves. I can do that as well! In such experiences of "loss" I felt I could not keep it in. Thank you for understanding and your encouragement my friend!
Delete