October 05, 2010

Seeking Solace - Glynis Belec

Today I journeyed back two years. For a little while now we have been settling into our new nest and I have been picking through boxes and finding new homes and hiding places for everything.

This morning I found my journals. Two years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer, journaling became my therapy. I wrote faithfully, pouring my heart and soul into handwritten words on a page. Some days I bore evidence of eloquence. Other days I wrote one or two liners (especially first day post surgery!) Some days I even dabbled with poetry. As I read through some of my poetic entries I tried to dissect what it was I was truly feeling at the time. My little exercise was reminiscent of school days gone by when I had to take a poem and sort out what the poet was really saying.

It seems, as I look back, my dabbling in poetry began the same time as my chemotherapy.

(written June 19,2008)
Waiting, waiting, waiting
But I don't lose my patience
There are too many patients
Who look sadder than me.
Take them to chemo first.
Make them better first.
Lord, is the carpet ready?
I am seated.
Float me into Lilliana's arms
My sweet nurse
Her expert hands move about
Like a skilled artist.
The needle slips and my veins are uncooperative
They hide, fearing Taxol
Despising Carboplatin
Finally on the fifth try, God says,
"That's enough." And it works.
The silent killers enter my body
Dripping, dripping, dripping...

written June 22, 2008

Wretched poison;
insidious mytosis
strangle tissue-
killing cancer
Jesus holds me tenderly
I will submit
to your will;
I will be still...

written June 28, 2008

The crown of a woman
Her glory. Her honour.
As if awaiting my dethroning.
I watch the clock; the calendar; the mirror.
Insidious, silent enemy preparing for battle
I bathe. The bubbles disappear
Drain gurgles
Strands of hair cling tenaciously to the fibreglass cavity.
More than usual. Curled into a question mark.
Reaching for the removable shower head
I chase the delinquent locks
They disappear down the drain.
Dare I check tomorrow?

written June 29, 2008

Deep inside the crevices of my heart
I discover unexplored territory
As I chip away at the calloused formation
The air becomes fresher, cleaner, purer.
A trickle?
A pulsation deafening, yet strangely calming.
The pure, genuine sound
Of God.
Create in me a clean heart O God.
That I might worship You.
Filth, stagnant promises, sinful desires, self attitudes
Crumble, crushed, powder
Blown away by the breeze
Of the Holy Spirit
"Be Still so that I can re-form you, my child,"
He whispers.
I am still. I am ready.
In God I trust - Father
In Jesus I rest - Son
In the Wind, I believe - Holy Spirit
Triune Treasure...

written July 4, 2008
Sleep. boundless sleep.
My body aches; my soul longs
Rest my weary mind
Poison soaking my inner being?
When my mind cries out for sleep
The lunatic laughter surfaces and mocks.
Rest? No. Your cancerous cells swallow you up
Rancid, wretched demons. Begone.
Jesus, where is Thy weapon?
Why can't I heal?
Gird myself, you say?
With truth; with Thy word; with salvation; with righteousness
In the strength of Jesus may this sleepless night become a glimmer
Rest. Rest. Rest. Rest is best...


  1. Glad we found those journals!! Look at ya now!! :D Love you mom! :D xoxo A

  2. Wow! These poems are POWERFUL and eloquent. I especially loved the first one. I would like to get your permission to read it aloud to my class when it is time for us to study poetry. (I'm a teacher.)

  3. Powerful words, Glynis. Thanks for sharing,

  4. Thank you for your kind comments. It feels good to share some of my journaled words! Bless you for caring. And, yes, Tracy. I am honoured that you ask to use my poem in your class. Be my guest. JOY IN JESUS! Glynis

  5. Glad you kept those words, Glynis, and shared some with us. Sounds like "redeeming the time" to me!

  6. Wow - these are so moving, especially in sequence. Thanks for sharing these inner glimpses of you with us!

  7. Thank you for being so honest in your pain and in your hope. It's encouraging.
    Pam M.


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