What’s Next?
I shelved all
dreams of writing, let alone being a published author, decades ago until they
lay hidden under layers of dust and debris. I put pen to paper occasionally making journal notations or to keep track of necessary events, appointments, and
reports for my children’s health or school activities, but not for public
display or reading. But God had other plans and the push out of my comfort zone
began a dozen years ago.
I pulled those reports. I read my journal ramblings and
attempted to write because my husband and daughter challenged me to write a book about the journey with our youngest daughter
and the amazing God-moments along the way. I started and hit delete more times than I can remember. I didn't dare to dream this book might become a reality. I dusted off what had once been the enjoyment of writing. I had hidden it so well for too many years and struggled as I began to listen as
God directed me towards others who could help me relearn what I had forgotten.
To be honest, I moved forward because of a push, multiple ones, and I am embarrassed
to say I went towards that hazy dream with tears flowing and negative monkey voices drowning out God’s
still small voice on too many days.
The first published piece, Amee’s Story went
on sale in January 2010. Family members begged me to write more stories to preserve
family memories. I accepted these requests, some of which ended up published in
anthologies and a larger dream began to take shape. But now that I have been pushed
beyond anything I dreamed or imagined, and my writing has been unleashed beyond the boundaries which kept it hidden from view for decades of time, what's next? I hesitated to dream about more.
Then this blog prompt about our writing dreams appeared in my in-box. It forced me to examine what holds me back from reaching out to embrace them as well as what distractions keep the dreams from becoming reality. I asked myself, “What’s next?
What’s left to work on?” and struggled to find an answer. I know I am a storyteller
and believe I need to be a good steward of that God-given ability but what should
it look like? Do I have any other dreams to achieve, and if so, how can I move
towards them? These last years have taken me places I never expected
to be. I have accomplished a lot, thanks to grandchildren challenging,
encouraging, and keeping me accountable when I want to hide behind, “I can’t do
that!”
They’ve asked for me to attend poetry workshops with them. After attending these workshops together, I ended up with a few published poems. My grandson insisted I could and should write a fiction story. It took years until I allowed the
novel to be read by anyone, then edited, and now published. So, what’s next? The second
novel in the series is written in rough. More poems are waiting for edits. The grandchildren affirmed
what they see in me and I can do no less than try what they suggest.
Questions and negative voices still flit through my mind. “you’re
too old to still have dreams about writing to publish!” and “you don’t have enough
training” or “you don’t know enough” so maybe you should shelf everything once
again and allow the dust bunnies to gather for a convention.
I allowed excuses of not knowing enough to make
me look for training opportunities, gather with others to learn
from them, and attempt to emulate my favourite authors. Yet I am not them. My
writing voice must be my own. My husband finally told me a few years ago, “You
need to use what you already know and not just study more.”
I believe continuing to learn and grow in the craft of
writing helps the storytelling become stronger and keeps poor quality writing
and published works from hindering the audience’s enjoyment of the piece. This
is commendable and encouraged in any creative activity. We don’t want to
stagnate. But if all I do is study the craft and never practice it, the stories
and lessons remain hidden. No one can enjoy them or be educated and encouraged
by them. Balance becomes a key to finding my dreams and implementing them so I
can move forward. How do you find the balance between learning the writing
craft and putting what you know to use? Sit and write. Learn as you edit and review. Then sit and write some more.
As I thought about that negative voice that told me to
give up because of my age, God provided many affirmations, including reading about
various authors and their journeys to being published. Laura Ingalls Wilder
published the first of her Little House series at the age of sixty-five. As I read the bio of J.A. Jance, a mainstream author my husband enjoys reading, I learned how her love of writing as a child and teen was frustrated
in college and then by her husband. For eleven years of married life she wrote
for herself. Later, as a single mom, she wrote from 4 -7 a.m. and her
first published book appeared in 1985. She would have been around forty. Her prolific writing career since then includes short stories, poems, and about
sixty-three full length novels.
As I read about these and other writers whose journeys
contained road-blocks from inside themselves and dropped in place by others, I
knew that the negative voices helped me voice excuses about why not to dream, write
more, or understand the capabilities God gave me. The excuses of not being good
enough, young enough, or know enough about marketing the books after
publication dim the dream to the point of giving up. So instead of saying “one
more class", or procrastinating, or comparing myself to other writers and feel like I don't measure up, I need to spend
time in prayer asking God to guide the steps I must take to tell the story He
places in my heart and mind. I need to realize that I am uniquely created to be me and not a copy of anyone else.
My dream is to tell the stories that will share the
good news of the gospel and encourage others. Riches, fame, and comparison never satisfy like being faithful to what God sets before me, even when it pushes me out of my comfort zone is where my dreams need to focus on. I don't know what this might
look like but God does and He will do more than I can ever dream of as long as I
am willing to be available and obedient.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than
all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him
be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever
and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3: 20,21
Carol Harrison writes, dreams, and tells stories from her home in Saskatoon. She credits her family for pushing her into sharing her stories in written form and keeping her accountable to use her storytelling to encourage, entertain, and educate others. She finds stories in everything around her including the antics of her children and grandchildren.
