Mourning to Freedom - Tracy Krauss

In my thirty-eight years as a Christ follower, I have had multiple experiences when I felt that God was giving me “extraordinary directions”. My issue with this month's prompt was choosing which story to tell. I realize that there may be different interpretations within our fellowship about the so called "prophetic gifts", but suffice to say that I believe God can, and still, moves in ways that go beyond our understanding. I've received instruction and insight through various means - most often through His Word - but also through dreams, visions, words of knowledge, and prophetic utterances spoken by others.

But... I'm not going to share any of those stories! (This time.) Instead, I want to tell you about a time when I felt that quiet inner voice during prayer - and it rocked my world.

The year: 1998. I was happily homeschooling my four children, my husband had a good job, and we attended a vibrant and loving church. I'd been a Christian for a long time already, and thought I had surrendered everything to God. I loved Jesus and life was good. 

I was praying in my bedroom one day, when I 'heard' that still small voice inside my head.

"How much do you love me?"
"You know I love you, Lord! I'd do anything for you!"
"Anything?"
"Yes!"
"Thou shalt have no other Gods before Me..."
"I know that, Lord! I don't believe in any other gods."
"But, HOW MUCH do you love Me? Are you willing to give up _________?"

This is the point where I stopped. I was stunned. Shocked. A horrible feeling crept over me, because I knew... That thing had become an idol in my life. I knew as clearly as if I had heard an audible voice, that God was asking me to give it up - and I didn't want to!

Now, I'm sure you have all kinds of pictures in your mind about my secret sin. In fact, I don't believe it's a sin at all, but the fact that I had made it into an IDOL was the sin. What am I talking about?

STAR TREK. 

Okay, let me back up, here! I am NOT saying Science Fiction, or in particular, Star Trek, is evil. But you need to understand the context. 

I was a Trekkie from WAY back. I mean, when other teenage girls had posters of pop stars on their walls, I had Leonard Nimoy. (The actor who played Spock, for those who don't know.) I watched the show religiously for years, finally completing my collection of recorded VHS tapes of both the original series and The Next Generation by the mid-90s. We're talking close to 300 episodes. That's a lot of recording and watching and documenting to make sure I didn't have duplicates! (Obviously, this was before you could buy them or watch them on netflix!) I had all kinds of memorabilia, books, figurines, every movie... I'd even indoctrinated my children. Each one of us had a 'character' that we 'played' at meal times, in the car, or what not, and we had the action figures to boot.

This was like asking me to break up with my one true love. Like taking my life's work and erasing it. It was like losing a loved one, which in fact it was, because for me, I LOVED Star Trek! It had become an idol. 

This next part might sound ridiculous, but I think it gives you a glimpse at the gravity of what God was asking me to do. I went into what I can only describe now as a state of deep 'mourning'. I literally cried for DAYS. I could hardly get out of bed as I wrestled with what God was asking me to do. I was like an addict, coming down from heroine. It is the closest I've ever come to choosing NOT to follow Jesus! That's how serious it was.

Finally, several days later, I surrendered. With the help of my wonderfully supportive husband and some friends, we gathered all things Star Trek together and had a huge bonfire. My kids watched their action figures burn! 

And... I experienced a FREEDOM like I had never experienced before. I knew whatever God asked of me from that point on, I could face it. 

I am sure that for some of you, this must sound like a very shallow story, but it had a profound and lasting impact on my life. That day is the day I learned to truly surrender to God.

It took about ten years before I allowed myself any exposure to Star Trek again. It was an addiction, of sorts, and watching would be like waving a bottle of whiskey in front of an alcoholic. Then, a new movie came out in 2009. (You know the one -  starring Chris Pine as Captain Kirk, and Zachary Quinto as Spock.) I decided I wanted to watch it. It was like a re-union, and it was a great relief to know that I could enjoy the movie without falling back into my obsession. Since then, I have been able to re-enjoy watching all the old shows and movies. My love for Star Trek was restored, but in a new context - without the unhealthy idolatry. 

Here are some photos of me taken at Vulcan, AB, last summer, where I finally visited for the first time with a couple of my siblings and a cousin. We had tons of fun. 
 

My brother and I in front of the starship Enterprise. We watched many an episode together as kids.

Leonard Nimoy's handprint positioned in the famous Vulcan greeting: "Live long and prosper."

Sometimes, God gives us surprising directions, but each and every time, it is for our benefit. I look back at this experience with such gratitude and know that it was a stepping stone for further growth in Him. 

Tracy Krauss is currently serving as InScribe's president. Website. 

He Swerves for Us – Denise M. Ford

To hear the Lord, to ponder the whispers that sometimes settle in my mind. To perceive and yet cringe in the complacency of my own thoughts. To dissect and examine with time spinning away from me as my doubts prevent the possibilities of my purpose.

That describes the constant struggle I have to live out the bold message that literally swerved in front of me one day as I prayed earnestly and desperately to the Lord for guidance.

I had decided to apply for work as a teacher assistant for special needs students. I hoped to work with preschoolers who needed extra loving support as they entered the unknown experience known as school. On that day as I drove to the administration building, I expressed my concerns to the Lord, pleading with Him to let me know if this could possibly align with His plans for my life.

Is this the right time to pursue this Lord?

Will I know how to give the appropriate help?

Will I be placed where I can make a difference?

Should I turn around and go home?

I maneuvered my car toward the turning lane. And then, from behind me a bus swerved directly into my path, cutting me off from my careful lane positioning. I looked up in disbelief and swallowed the anger rising within me.

There emblazoned across the back of the bus rode three large words,

“Trust, Trust, Trust.”

I laughed. Then I cried. As I realized those lines belonged to a financial institution advertisement, I laughed even harder. In my mind I pictured Jesus laughing with me.

Did I hear Him? Oh yes, I did. Did I believe that the bus swerved just for me? Oh yes, I did.

I went forward with a calm, resolved mind that this interview would lead me to a purpose He had for me. When a surprising question came up, I repeated to myself, “Trust, Trust, Trust” and I let the applicable words within me flow into the conversation.

I worked for over 8 years as an assistant for special needs students, first with preschoolers and then unexpectantly being placed at the local high school. Challenging, rewarding, overwhelming days all rolled under the protective umbrella I held over myself as I repeated silently every day, “Trust, Trust, Trust.”

I realize I probably cry out to the Lord with those same questions from years ago, as I try to discern how to apply my writing. How do I fit into His purposes during these days when fear and anxiety tackle all of us as we live through this Covid pandemic?

Is this the right time to pursue this Lord?

Will I know how to give the appropriate help?

Will I be placed where I can make a difference?

Should I turn around and go home?

“Trust, Trust, Trust.”

I’m believing that trust moves within me. It requires my willingness to respond to it, but also my desire to create because of it. Trust becomes twofold, residing within me as I accept the Lord’s guidance, and busting forth from me as I act with His inspiration.

As I pray to find a scriptural reference for this post, I am led to Psalm 33. David wrote about the Lord as his Creator who speaks, commands and counsels. David acknowledged the Lord in verse 15 as “He who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds.” David understood that it was not his own power but the steadfast love of the Lord that helped him in his challenges. As David accepted God as trustworthy, he responded with praise and hope. In verse 20-21 he stated, “Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.”

Reading the Psalm again I see that David began by daring us to sing joyfully. Although he speaks of how he will respond with music on his harp, I hear the words in verse 3 and apply them as a challenge for writing during these days.

“Sing to Him, a new song, play skillfully, and shout for joy.”

Sing, play, shout!

A new trio of words to hold over myself as protection from fear and anxiety.

To sing with our words, to find new songs despite the virus that threatens to destroy our desires to praise and create. To play skillfully with the ideas that come to mind. To build on that firm foundation of trust. To shout for joy, so others will hear and be encouraged.

I believe our Lord continues to swerve unexpectedly in whatever direction each one of us needs. As our Creator He knows our individual hearts for He has fashioned them. He longs for us to hear Him, to rejoice as we trust in Him.

Look for Him. Listen for Him. Laugh and cry with Him. Take out your pens and place those words outside of you, for Him.

I’m ready to play, are you?

A LAYETTE - Sheila Webster

When you are fostering, you usually don’t have much time to make up your mind if you are taking a particular child.  Especially on a Friday if there is an emergency and all the homes are filled. 

I always tried to do the best I could to lessen the anxiety of a new child in what was a terrifying situation for them.  Even when home circumstances were difficult for them, they naturally are bonded to their biological parent and very fearful.

I had more than enough time to think though when I was asked to take a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl.  She had many challenges before she found out she was pregnant, and currently was an angry smoker who was quitting everything else cold-turkey.

When the worker phoned and asked, I said no.  Actually more like NO!

The worker continued, “She had turned herself into us after having run away for the last year. She asked us not to find a foster home, but a mother.”  As hard as I tried, I couldn’t forget that phrase.  I told the rest of the family what we had been asked and why I had said no.  We agreed it probably wasn’t our skill set with so many kids already.

However  my biological daughter Hannah, who was 13 at the time, came to the breakfast table one morning.  “Mom I dreamt that girl died within a week if we don’t take her – we need to.”  I felt trapped as this daughter was the one who always had an uncanny intuition.  She begged; I reluctantly said I would meet her.

It was gloomy out when I picked her up. She had on a couple of hoodies and an attitude that was palatable.  I also detected fear of rejection and sheer terror on her part.  We went for a long drive to chat about her, her life and what she wanted.  I wouldn’t say she was endearing, but she was incredibly vulnerable and honest, in a way.

Our family prayed about it and said we would TRY, but couldn’t promise anything.  As we prepared for the day she would move in, I was impressed with the old-fashioned notion of a layette - not for her baby, but for her.  It was something that I felt torn about as I wasn’t as brave as people gave me credit for, and I wasn’t seasoned at dealing with rejection by a teen, (although I am now!) 

However, I couldn’t shake the idea.

I perused the aisles of the closest department store wondering what a layette for a sixteen-year-old would look like. I chose a bath towel, some pajamas, sheets and a comforter.  I then felt impressed to ask her if she wanted to choose a paint color for her room.  I was way out of my comfort zone as the kids usually had to share a room, and I had never offered that for another kid.  

Reluctantly, she agreed to help paint and chose a blue color.  As we painted, I prayed since it was hard to know what she was thinking.

The first day she lived with us was a disaster, despite my hope that there would be a honeymoon period as there was with some kids.  I told her the rules and what she had to do that the other teens in our home did.  I wouldn’t waver and she balked and took off down the street.  I was frustrated and felt distress, but took off after her praying and muttering as I went.

“Wait, let’s talk.” As she turned I could see she was angry but holding back tears.  I immediately relented on my hard and fast rules and said, “Hey, you know what? I didn’t accommodate the fact you are pregnant even though you are a teenager.  Let’s figure out what would work together.”

She turned around and came back home.  For the past 15+ years I have been her mom, and her now five boys’ grandma.  Never was I her foster parent.

A Change of Plans by Lynn Dove

You will have to excuse me, but tomorrow my daughter gets married and I'm just a wee bit excited!  We had been looking forward to this day, July 18, 2020 for well over a year.  The venue had been booked a year in advance, as had the photographer, and florist.  My daughter, Carmen, and her fiance, Jack dreamed of the way the day would go.  They had been meticulous in planning everything down to the finest detail.  I was blessed to be with Carmen when she picked out the gown of her dreams just before I started my chemo treatments last year.  Bridesmaids and groomsmen were selected, engagement photos shot, and wedding invites all mailed out at the beginning of March. 

Then Covid-19 hit and everything changed!

The province of Alberta went into total lock down, as did the rest of Canada.  As the weeks lagged on in isolation, Carmen and Jack faced the reality that their wedding plans had to change.  As out-of-town guests were forced to cancel their flights, and Alberta imposed group size restrictions, they had to make tough decisions.  Reluctantly,  they cancelled the dinner planned for over a hundred guests at their chosen golf course venue.  They explained their circumstances with their wedding merchants to tell them of their change of plans.  Thankfully, everyone was incredibly understanding and supportive of the young couple. They emailed all the invited wedding guests and said, "Due to the current situation, and our concerns for the health of our loved ones, we have decided to cancel our wedding.  We will be eloping on July 18, 2020.  We trust you understand our decision.  Thank you and we send our love and best wishes for good health.  Carmen & Jack." 

With that said, the wedding day they had dreamed about for over a year vanished in a vapour of tears.  

I wept before the Lord about our world situation in general, but particularly I cried out to the Lord to comfort my daughter and my son-in-law-to-be as they tried to come to terms with this huge change of plans.  They were adamant they wanted to be married on their chosen day, but the question was where to have the ceremony and how to celebrate with the tight Covid safety restrictions in place.  For several weeks, they did not know what they would do.  My heart broke every time my daughter texted me.  At first they thought about just driving to the mountains, find a scenic spot with just parents and their officiant being present to see them take their vows, but the provincial parks were closed and officials refused them permits.  They were becoming so discouraged and my prayers intensified for them to think "outside the box" and settle on a plan they could eventually embrace wholeheartedly.  I jumped for joy, literally, when they finally decided to have the ceremony at our home and have a small dinner "reception" at Jack's parent's home. 

It was an answer to prayer.

For the last several weeks we have been in full-scale planning mode.  My husband built their wedding arch and we've been trying to get our small acreage in shape so it will be an almost park-like setting for the ceremony.  The florist and photographer have adapted to the new changes well, and are prepared for the smaller gathering.  Jack's parents have superbly decorated their home for the reception dinner, making the setting as festive and beautiful as it could possibly be.  We hired a caterer, who has impressed us all with her attention to detail, and we are looking forward to the plated dinner, and the sweet treats she has planned to serve.  We know that the day's celebration will be considerably scaled back with only twenty people in attendance, but Carmen and Jack have observed how everything has just come together in so many ways that they are confident their day will be as special as it can possibly be.  I suspect that when the young couple look back on their wedding day in the coming years, they will remember the love of family, and the joy of the day, and they will not dwell on "what might have been", but only remember how wonderful it was!

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com