To hear the Lord, to ponder the whispers that sometimes settle in my mind. To perceive and yet cringe in the complacency of my own thoughts. To dissect and examine with time spinning away from me as my doubts prevent the possibilities of my purpose.
That describes the constant struggle I have to live out the bold message that literally swerved in front of me one day as I prayed earnestly and desperately to the Lord for guidance.
I had decided to apply for work as a teacher assistant for special needs students. I hoped to work with preschoolers who needed extra loving support as they entered the unknown experience known as school. On that day as I drove to the administration building, I expressed my concerns to the Lord, pleading with Him to let me know if this could possibly align with His plans for my life.
Is this the right time to pursue this Lord?
Will I know how to give the appropriate help?
Will I be placed where I can make a difference?
Should I turn around and go home?
I maneuvered my car toward the turning lane. And then, from behind me a bus swerved directly into my path, cutting me off from my careful lane positioning. I looked up in disbelief and swallowed the anger rising within me.
There emblazoned across the back of the bus rode three large words,
“Trust, Trust, Trust.”
I laughed. Then I cried. As I realized those lines belonged to a financial institution advertisement, I laughed even harder. In my mind I pictured Jesus laughing with me.
Did I hear Him? Oh yes, I did. Did I believe that the bus swerved just for me? Oh yes, I did.
I went forward with a calm, resolved mind that this interview would lead me to a purpose He had for me. When a surprising question came up, I repeated to myself, “Trust, Trust, Trust” and I let the applicable words within me flow into the conversation.
I worked for over 8 years as an assistant for special needs students, first with preschoolers and then unexpectantly being placed at the local high school. Challenging, rewarding, overwhelming days all rolled under the protective umbrella I held over myself as I repeated silently every day, “Trust, Trust, Trust.”
I realize I probably cry out to the Lord with those same questions from years ago, as I try to discern how to apply my writing. How do I fit into His purposes during these days when fear and anxiety tackle all of us as we live through this Covid pandemic?
Is this the right time to pursue this Lord?
Will I know how to give the appropriate help?
Will I be placed where I can make a difference?
Should I turn around and go home?
“Trust, Trust, Trust.”
I’m believing that trust moves within me. It requires my willingness to respond to it, but also my desire to create because of it. Trust becomes twofold, residing within me as I accept the Lord’s guidance, and busting forth from me as I act with His inspiration.
As I pray to find a scriptural reference for this post, I am led to Psalm 33. David wrote about the Lord as his Creator who speaks, commands and counsels. David acknowledged the Lord in verse 15 as “He who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds.” David understood that it was not his own power but the steadfast love of the Lord that helped him in his challenges. As David accepted God as trustworthy, he responded with praise and hope. In verse 20-21 he stated, “Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.”
Reading the Psalm again I see that David began by daring us to sing joyfully. Although he speaks of how he will respond with music on his harp, I hear the words in verse 3 and apply them as a challenge for writing during these days.
“Sing to Him, a new song, play skillfully, and shout for joy.”
Sing, play, shout!
A new trio of words to hold over myself as protection from fear and anxiety.
To sing with our words, to find new songs despite the virus that threatens to destroy our desires to praise and create. To play skillfully with the ideas that come to mind. To build on that firm foundation of trust. To shout for joy, so others will hear and be encouraged.
I believe our Lord continues to swerve unexpectedly in whatever direction each one of us needs. As our Creator He knows our individual hearts for He has fashioned them. He longs for us to hear Him, to rejoice as we trust in Him.
Look for Him. Listen for Him. Laugh and cry with Him. Take out your pens and place those words outside of you, for Him.
