LOL by Kimberley Payne

Laughing Out Loud

My list of favourite authors keeps growing as I open myself to read across genres in both fiction and non-fiction. However, my all-time favourites remain those who can make me laugh out loud including Erma Bombeck, Phil Callaway, Stephen Leacock and John Mortimer.

In an attempt to emulate these greats, I’ve added such how-to books as Comedy Writing Secrets – the best-selling book on how to think funny, write funny, act funny, and get paid for it by Mel Helitzer with Mark Shatz, and How to Write Funny –Add humor to every kind of writing edited by John B. Kachuba.

But, as I suspected, writing humour is more difficult than I had hoped. My novel is a contemporary story about a separated mother dealing with her daughter’s recent disclosed secret. The tone is serious and contemplative. The subject is dark and ugly. Because of this it was difficult to add in laughter.

I reworked my protagonist so her thoughts reflected a sense of humour. I tried to add humour in my descriptions of characters (She looked like a tackle box), and in unlikely places like church signs (Don’t let worries kill you. Let the church help)

It’s a tough job to add humour to a serious story. You can read my novel Tooth for Tooth online and let me know if I succeeded in my attempts.

Kimberley Payne

ONE CONSTANT IN A CHANGING WORLD - Martha Anderson

"You know, God doesn't know anything more now than He did before He created the world," I commented to my husband Eilif as we were driving home one day. While Eilif took a few moments to ponder that statement I continued, "And when this world, as we know it now, comes to an end God will know no more than He does now."

"Did you come up with that deduction just now?" he asked.

"No, I read it somewhere a few days ago," I told him, "And I've been mulling it over in my mind ever since."

The more I pondered that thought the more evident the conclusion became. Because everything operates on the principle of cause and effect, we can assume there is a cause behind all matter. The Power that flung the stars in space has to be greater than anything it created. For the galaxies to be brought into existence would have required a plan of infinite knowledge and wisdom. That Force, therefore, would not only have to be all-powerful, but would also possess a personality with all-knowledge and all-wisdom.

A Being that already knows everything could not learn anything new. Such a Being would have to be God.

To be God He would have to possess all godlike attributes. Holiness, love, justice, truth, goodness, fairness, faithfulness, mercy, consistency, and compassion would constitute his personality. Above that, He would have the ability to be everywhere present, as well as holding all knowledge and power. This being the case, we can only conclude that God is changeless.

For God to improve would be impossible for He is already perfect. To become less than He is would likewise be impossible. He would then no longer be God. God cannot change from within and nothing can change Him from without because His power is supreme.

Because God knows all things He can learn nothing. Being eternal, God existed when there was nothing else. He knew before He brought anything else into existence what He was going to do, how he would do it, and how it would all end. He sees the past, present, and future at the same time. With Him there is no past tense or future tense. He is not the God that once was or the God who will be, for He is always in the present. The God who created all things and kept the galaxies in their orbits throughout the ages is the same God who still holds all His creation in His hands. He is the Great I AM.

In contrast, our life span is extremely limited. The Apostle Peter wrote 2,000 years ago:

All flesh is like grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.
The grass withers, and its flower falls away (I Peter 1:24 New King James Version)

Grass dries up, blossoms lose their petals; so our time on earth and any fame or fortune we attain is soon gone. But God continues.
In the Bible the Psalmist King David describes God this way:

You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those
Who call upon You... There is none like You, O Lord; Nor are there any works
Like Your works... For You are great, and do wondrous things; You alone are God
(Psalm 86:5,8,10 NKJV).

In the confusion of constant fluctuation, in a society where change for change sake has become a god in itself, how good to know that there is One Constant Factor in the equation of life.
Moses, the man who led God's people in ancient times, addressed God in this way:

Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever You had formed the earth and The world, Even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God (Psalm 90:2 NKJV).

Another Psalm says:
Know that the LORD, He is God; it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting And His truth endures to all generations (Psalm 100:3,5 NKJV).

The unchanging God is always present with us and knows us individually. He is the God who loves us.

How is Your Faith?

Sometimes along the Christian Journey all kinds of negative thoughts and turmoil may interfere with walking in peace and harmony with the Master.
There are ways to determine whether or not the view of the narrow road is still visible and known. Study the following questions and test for yourself to see if you’re lined up with God’s expectations in living a fruitful Christian life.

When you are standing among a crowd does your light still shine?
Do you still possess the joy of the Lord?
Do you feel that you are somehow distanced between you and your God?
Is His message of love still in your heart?
Have you experienced God’s forgiveness?
Are you still able to openly declare that you belong to Jesus?
Do you secretly pass judgement on fellow Christians?
Do you miss His loving touch? His presence near you?
Do you possess the fruits of the Spirit?
How is your prayer life? Have you been neglecting to meet with God?

Be honest. It may be difficult to admit that we are not up to His standards even when legitimate circumstances interfere with our relationship with God. God still knows those who are His. Despite our shortcomings and weaknesses in any of these 10 thought provoking questions, God still waits for us to come alongside Him. He will still pull up that chair and sit beside us when we come to Him in faith. When we fail Him, we must remember that he will not forsake us. When we praise Him we must remember how we please Him.

If we don’t lose heart during the discouraged moments then we have overcome the same temptations that Jesus Himself suffered. How do we then keep forging ahead? Just remember when we fall back, come back! Don’t even entertain the idea of falling back and staying back. Jesus didn’t remain in the garden when He was perhaps at His weakest moment. He prayed to the Father and proceeded to follow His Father’s Will; yes, even death on a cross. Each of God’s children has the opportunity to pray and continue in the journey. That’s where peace is! That’s where joy is! That’s where we belong; in the everlasting arms of the Father!

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
(I Corinthians 10:13NIV)

Keep strong in the Lord! He will light your path along the journey!

Jan Keats

Cleaning House (part 1) - Nesdoly

It all began the afternoon Arlene decided to file a few bills during the commercials in “American Justice.” When she couldn’t squeeze the water bill into the “Utilities” folder, she pulled the folder out. But with the bill inside, it wouldn’t fit back into the drawer.

She’d have to do something about this – maybe take out the Ts to Zs and transfer them to the second drawer, or pack the overflow files into a cardboard file box.

           

When she opened the other drawers, they too were full to bursting. And where was there room for a box? The floor and desk were already littered with stacks of papers, flyers, catalogues, phone books and slovenly mounds of Reader’s Digests and Guideposts. Jars of pens, paper clips, and other office supplies filled up the bookshelves, and a row of flashlights guarded the set of encyclopedias. Things were double-parked everywhere. The time had come for serious action. Besides, tackling this glut of paper would fill up the lonely hours. So that afternoon she turned off the TV,  cleared a spot on the desk, and began weeding papers from the top drawer.

    

She had never done anything like this before.  Record-keeping had always been Dave’s department. Now, she found, it was a tricky business. Did one need all these car receipts from the 60s, the statement showing one had paid one’s life insurance in 1982, and documents detailing Dave’s projected pension income year by year – especially now he was six months gone?

To complicate her decisions, she kept hearing his voice: “The minute it’s gone, you’ll need it,” and “The taxman cometh.”  Cometh for what?  To do an audit? She was sure many of these folders hadn’t been consulted in years. And wasn’t there some law the taxman could only go back in your records five years, or seven?

There was another thing. Jesus’ command to the rich young ruler had always fascinated her: “Go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast and come ... follow me.”  Having the freedom to follow God with nothing to tie you down sounded impractical, yet exciting. She’d often felt the weight of the things they’d collected – especially when those things filled every available space. Here was her chance to escape just a little from the grip of “whatsoever thou hast” and experience a taste of the risk she heard in Jesus’ command. She decided to be ruthless in her culling.

           

She missed the six o’clock news and “Wheel of Fortune” to finish the drawer. When she was done all that remained in it were nearly empty folders, sagging like flab on a once-obese person. The sight of the plump yellow recycle bag made her feel good.

           

So good, in fact, the next day found her at the desk again missing “Judge Judy” to work on the second drawer, and the third, and the fourth. By then a recklessness had come over her. She decided to carry on through the rest of this room, the kitchen, indeed the whole house!

           

The job took a month. It became such an obsession she forgot all about turning on “Oprah” and lost track of what was happening on “Coronation Street.” When she closed her eyes at night she saw jars, plastic tubs, old clothes, shoes, books, magazines and bags and bags and bags.

But finally the day came when she had tidied the last closet. She resolved to finish the job by giving the house a final and thorough cleaning.

           

When she opened her cleaning supplies cabinet, though, she hardly recognized her meager supply caddy – but that’s right, she’d thrown out most of her solutions and powders in favor of the magic micro-cloth that was all the rage.

She went to put on her cleaning music – an old CD her kids had discarded a generation ago – but couldn’t find it anywhere either. Different music would have to suffice today. On channel twenty four she found Diane Bish playing a Bach concert and soon pipe organ Preludes, Fugues, and Toccatas were echoing through the house as she dusted, scrubbed, and polished.

When at last she stood to admire her efforts (favoring her aching knees as she’d had to wash the floor by hand because the mop too had disappeared), she had to admit, though the immaculate house did look as stark as the day after taking down Christmas decorations, it was wonderful – swept clean and put in order.

           

The next day she was turning on her computer to pay her overdue bills when the phone rang. It was a man from the trust company. He had an urgent question about Dave’s will.

           

“Just a minute,” she answered. She went to the file cabinet, opened the drawer, pulled out the folder marked “Wills” – but it was empty.

           

“Give me your number please, and I’ll get back to you,” she said to the trust company man and hung up, shaken. Had she perhaps been a tad too thorough? Oh well, there was bound to be a copy in their safety deposit box in the bank.

           

To get into that, though, she needed the combination. Good thing she knew where it was.

           

Or where it used to be. For she couldn’t find the combination or her internet log-in number for the bank, as it appeared she’d also trashed the book containing both of them. Dave’s old warnings began replaying in her head and her sense of satisfaction was replaced with misgiving. What had she done?

To be concluded ...

Web: http://violetnesdoly.com
Blog: promptings
Poetry portfolio: Violet Nesdoly / poems
Daily devotions for kids: Bible Drive-Thru
Twitter: @vnesdoly