The Story Behind the Story by Alan Anderson

I was honoured in early 2017 to have four of my stories published in the book “Good Grief People.” It was such a thrill to write this anthology on grief with Carolyn Wilker, Barbara Heagy, Ruth Smith Meyer, Glynis M. Belec and Donna Mann.

The story behind the story I will highlight here is “You Can Go Now, Sweetie.” In short it is a love story of a married couple over the years. The story was my way of saluting some special people in my life.

The special people I am referring to are those I call “my teachers.” I have mentioned them before on a post or two. Through my years of coming alongside people in situations of grief, serious illness and death and dying experiences, I came to love this area of work. It was one of the biggest honours of my life.

In my contribution to Good Grief People I wanted to pay homage to the people I met who trusted me with their experiences. Most were experiences of suffering that became part of their lives. Often times my teachers were people who experienced the death of their spouse.

In “You Can Go Now, Sweetie,” I capture some of the healthy emotional attachment long married couples have for each other. The couple in the story showed that love need not wane in one’s older years. It becomes stronger even in the face of terminal illness. This couple was not unique from my perception in regards to the strength of true love. Many couples I have ministered to or served had an abiding love for each other.

Not all of my teachers consisted of married couples. They were also people who never married or people who had been without a spouse for decades. My teachers were people who knew and lived with the pain of the death of a child. They were people suffering from a mental illness who heard voices in their heads that would not be quiet. My teachers were those who grieved the murder of a sibling due to hanging out with the wrong crowd.

I have come away with part of them all. I have their stories in my heart. As they have taught me I am humbled by the strength of human tenacity and the ability to move forward in life. They were not defined by their experience of suffering. They lived life with their physical or emotional scars intact yet determined now to live one day at a time.

Many of my teachers have died. There time came. If you, dear reader, have people you regard as your "teachers," I would suggest you love them while you can. Hold them close. Listen to their words. Cherish your memories with them for all too soon they pass from the scene.

I have reached a time where I am honoured some people consider me to be their "teacher." I never take this or these precious people for granted. We are in this life together and can help each other along the way.

My final day of work in healthcare was one I will always remember. The leadership team I worked with hosted a retirement gathering for me. A number of staff including my boss attended. Even more special was the fact they invited some of the residents of the care home. They were some of my teachers. When the gathering was almost over and I was getting ready to leave my teachers hugged me. I knew I had touched their lives and they had touched mine. I didn’t need anything else.

Blog: scarredjoy.wordpress.com

Faith, Writing And Painful Challenges by Alan Anderson

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” ( Isaiah 41: 10 NKJV)

2018 began how 2017 ended for my wife and I. In the latter part of 2017 we began regularly attending an Eastern Orthodox Christian church. It continues to be a welcome change in our worship and day-to-day life.

Near the end of 2017 it was confirmed my wife, Terry, has uterine cancer. We entered 2018 with the prospect of her having surgery. People asking, “Lord have mercy”, sent many prayers to God. I rejoice that her surgery on Jan. 9 went well. She is still recovering from her surgery at the date of this post. To date, she has experienced little pain. Now we wait for her lab results that will hopefully confirm the cancer has been contained.

I have to be honest and confess that the ending of last year and the beginning of this year have been met with mixed emotions. I experienced joy that our family, friends and new church are an amazing support network. I also experienced a sense of fear at the prospect of Terry’s cancer. In my joy I expressed my faith in God. In my fear, I guess I showed a lack of faith and a reminder of my frailty.

This month’s writing prompt asks, “How is God speaking to you about your faith and writing this year?” At this point in time I’m not sure what He is saying to me. I have a strong desire to bring hope to my readers in spite of pain or challenges that life brings. Perhaps then God is saying keep writing regardless of painful challenges. Maybe that’s the direction God is preparing for me.

In anticipation of this direction I am stepping out in faith by accepting an invitation by a local wellness business owner. She invited me to present a series on grief related issues. I view this as a step of faith due to the fact the first time this series was scheduled no community interest was shown. Hopefully it will be different when I begin the series in March.

I also began a series of posts on my Blog at scarredjoy.wordpress.com. This series began at the end of 2017 and is carried over into 2018. I call the it, “Things That Matter In The Face Of Cancer.” It is a consideration of what I am observing as I walk with Terry in her experience with cancer. Perhaps I could also have called it, “Writing with Tears.”

I hope I am not discouraging readers as they read this post. I do have faith in God. I sense His presence. I know Terry’s cancer has not taken Him by surprise. I think what it might be is cancer has reminded me of our mortality as we live this life. It has also confronted us with the reality of living a life of faith in all circumstances.

When her doctor confirmed Terry had cancer I was fearful. Forgive me if that showed my lack of faith. I also asked God why it wasn’t me who had cancer. I mean, this is Terry’s second time with cancer, only a different kind. It was one of these experiences where as a man and husband I wanted to protect my wife. He allowed me to express that to Him.

In writing this post, in showing the frailty of my mortality, I realize once again that painful challenges are part of life. I cannot prevent things like cancer, no matter how much I hate them. I can, however, live and write a life of faith, knowing God knows all about it.

Blog: ScarredJoy@wordpress.com