A Love Story by Connie Inglis

What strategies do you use to get past your fears? In answering that question I immediately thought of the main trait that makes me fearful. You see, I am a perfectionist. The scientific term is atelophobia i.e. the fear of not being good enough or imperfection. There have been times when I have been stuck in that state with my writing but I am learning that I don't have to stay there, that I have a choice.

My choice is not based on me or anything I have done. My choice is based on the knowledge that God loves me.  I recently re-read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You are. One of her comments about fear resonated with me. She said, "All fear is but the notion that God's love ends." It is true. Fear, any kind of fear, is looking at things with the wrong perspective--it's about not trusting God and God's love. So, when I fear, I find that focusing on God's love dispels the fear. There are many ways I do that.

Reading Scripture passages and meditating over Scripture is a good place to start. A verse that jumped out at me a few years ago is Song of Solomon 7:10: "I belong to my Beloved and His desire is for me." Every time I think of that verse I am reminded that I am in a love story, that I am a recipient of Jesus' love.

I have also found strength in reading certain authors. Books by Brennan Manning keep me focused on how much God loves me, all of me, weaknesses and all. The Furious Longing of God is one of my favourites. Francis Chan and John Eldredge are also two authors that speak to my heart, along with Ann Voskamp. And just recently I discovered Phil Vischer's book, Sidney & Norman. It's a children's book, I know, and yet the theme of the book is for all. In fact, I was so moved by the profound simplicity of it, that it brought me to tears. The message is: "First of all, I love you. Secondly, I love you. And thirdly, I love you. Messes and all." Yes, Jesus loves me. Wow!

Good worship music also keeps me grounded in God's love  and His ultimate sacrifice in sending His Son to die for ME! There are so many inspirational artists that I listen to regularly but one song that I find speaks to my heart every time is John Mark McMillan's song, "How He Loves." When listening to this song, the Spirit moves me to simply worship my loving God.

There is so much to write about the topic of God's love. His creation on a brisk walk reminds me of His love. The encouragement and love of others reminds me of God's love. Reading of the faithfulness of God in the past entries of my journal reminds me of God's love. Answered prayer reminds me of His love. Even His presence and strength during difficult times reminds me of His love. In fact, it's ALL meant to remind us of God's love.

I may not be perfect but God's love for me is perfect and "perfect Love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18, ESV) If I focus on that with my writing then there is no need to fear. EVER! Psalm 27:1.

The "Romanced Path" by Connie Inglis

The more I get to know each of you, the more I've come to realize that I'm not the only one with a love/hate relationship with writing. Your honesty encourages me and keeps me writing. For me, when the writing flows, it is pure joy. But then there are days, weeks and months when writing is pure struggle. In those times, it is good for me to ponder the answers to the following two questions:

1. When did you realize you were romanced by words, language and writing?

I was romanced by writing when I was nine. (See pic--I'm the one in the pink dress.) That year I started my first book. It was a science fiction that was more inspired by my enjoyment of drawing aliens than anything else. I kept my on-going manuscript a secret--hidden in a brown manila envelope inside the closet of the bedroom I shared with two of my sisters. One day I sought out that treasured envelope only to discover that my mom had cleaned out the closet and had thrown out a lot of junk, my envelope included. I sensed that nobody seemed to care but I was devastated. It took me years before I started writing again just for the pure joy of it all.

However, I was still romanced by the nuances of words and the uniqueness of languages, even the whys and hows of English grammar fascinated me. Long story short, it was this God-instilled passion that led me to study linguistics and then join Wycliffe Bible Translators. I cannot count how many languages I've had the opportunity to "taste," whether for an assignment or for survival, and I have never tired of the uniqueness of each one. I just get to keep falling in love with words and language over and over again. (The photo below shows the Shatikha language of Myanmar.)
 

Here's a poem I recently wrote about this God-instilled passion:                                 
                                                     
LOGOLEPSY--by Connie Inglis

I'm calling it a day
a year
a lifetime
with this terminal
disease.

I lie in bed--defining
dividing
conjugating                                                               Thai language. "Hello"    verbs and nouns, unable to
terminate.

"Call it a day," I whisper
I state
I explete--but
my mind refuses
treatment.

My partner linguist says enjoy                                 
savour
appreciate this
awe-full disease--
Logolepsy.

2. How does Jesus the Bridegroom romance you with His words to you?

The answer to this question brings me back to how I returned to writing. As a young mom, I started to journal but found little time to do it faithfully which was often more of a frustration than a joy. Mostly I wrote because it helped me process life.

Then there was a time when I even stopped journaling. It was when we first moved to Thailand. Our daughter, who was only ten, went through a time of intense spiritual attack. She could physically see a demon in her bedroom at night, laughing malevolently at her. No matter how much we prayed, nothing seemed to get rid of it. I won't go into more detail than that (that story is for another time) except to say that it did end. However, it was a dark time for me spiritually. I was angry at God and I questioned what He was doing.

Then, when that same daughter was in grade 12, I joined a Bible study with a group of moms that all had children in grade 12. We studied the book, Age of Opportunity, by Paul David Tripp. It was through this book and this wonderful group of ladies that Jesus wooed me back to Himself. He was gentle and tender and loving and kind to me when I was bedraggled and closed-off. I was a slow learner but He was patient. He reminded me of His relentless love for me over and over again, often through vivid word pictures. And as I learned to trust in His love, I learned to write again.

With each step I took closer to Him, I discovered other authors that took me deeper: John Eldredge, Brennan Manning, Francis Chan, Ann Voskamp. Worship music as well took on a whole new meaning. It's been an amazing and beautiful ride. I have found such a freedom in His love--freedom to write songs and poetry and stories. Even freedom to paint again (that too is another story).

One of the verses that He gave me along the way is Song of Solomon 7:10--"I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me." (ESV) The Bridegroom is so in love with His Bride that His sole desire is for her. That word picture can bring me to tears because He's talking about His love for ME!

I am so thankful that He has never given up on me--that my relationship with Him is a romance. I realize too that His relationship with the world is a romance and that it is this romance that He calls me, calls all of us, to write about.

Sehnsucht by Connie Inglis

A few weeks ago, when I initially pondered the question posed for this month, I thought of some noble reasons for my purpose in writing. But when I really searched my soul I realized that my main reason wasn't lofty at all. The green-eyed monster of jealousy was gnawing on my heart and mind--that desire to be recognized like some of you have been recently--that desire for my readers to pat me on the back and say, "Well done" or, "Wow. You are talented." It was all about me. Ugh! I thought I had dealt with those feelings when I started to take my writing more seriously. So I was not only feeling "ugh" but also ugly. I had to go to the foot of the cross and confess that selfish junk to Jesus once again.

The Holy Spirit brings sin to mind but the beauty is that once it is confessed, He brings comfort and assurance and peace. In this case, He reminded me of what I seek as a reader. I seek sehnsucht--a word I just "happened" to come across a week ago. It was an epiphany moment because it was the word I was looking for to write this blog entry.

According to other-wordly.tumblr.com, sehnsucht is "the inconsolable longing in the human heart for we know not what; a yearning for a far, familiar, non-earthly land one can identify as one's home." Ecclesiastes refers to it as, "eternity in the hearts of man." (Eccl. 3:11) God has placed a longing within the human heart to be seeking someone or something outside of the physical world we live in--a longing only He can fill. I want my writing to cause the reader to feel that longing for something more. For the believer I want them to get a fresh glimpse of God and future hope that leads them to thanksgiving. For the unbeliever, I want them to see God's goodness and grace and beauty so that it will lead them to search for God and that land He promises for them.

Sehnsucht was particularly significant to C.S. Lewis. In the afterword to the third edition of The Pilgrim's Regress he describes sehnsucht as:

"That unnameable something, desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of The Well at the World's End, the opening lines of "Kubla Khan", the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves."
 

I think you all know what he's talking about. Maybe that's why his works lead the reader to sehnsucht, at least they do for me. I'm not just referring to his theological books. It's The Chronicles of Narnia, his Space Trilogy and his allegorical works that speak more deeply to my heart and soul; they call me to that "other" world, proving that the Christian message doesn't need to be blatantly stated to move a person.
 
In his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning put it this way:

“Grace abounds in contemporary movies, books, novels, films and music. If God is not in the whirlwind, He may be in a Woody Allen film, or a Bruce Springsteen concert. Most people understand imagery and symbol better than doctrine and dogma. Images touch hearts and awaken imaginations."

I agree with Manning, especially when it comes to music. I can worship God as much through a song by The Who or Leonard Cohen as a song by Chris Tomlin. There is something "other-worldly" about music. It beckons us to seek the Creator of the universe.

Yesterday I was driving home to Edmonton from Calgary. I was listening to Gungor's, "Ghosts upon the Earth" album. I find that sole road trips, with just me and my music, lead me to sehnsucht. This whole album did that for me. I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving to God and I worshiped Him. That is what I would like to instill in my readers--a sehnsucht that would cause them to seek and find the God of grace, goodness, love and hope and that He would be glorified.

Here is one of the songs from my road trip. It's called, "Brother Moon." I recommend the whole album. Another song I love is, "This is Not the End." It's a song about heaven. It makes me dance!