In his Heart... by Lynn Dove

As most of my fellow InScribers know, 2019 was a battleground year for me.  Fighting endometrial (uterine) cancer, I finished my last radiation treatment on December 3rd, rejoicing in the fact I was cancer-free once again.  It was a long, and weary fight and I'm still trying to overcome some of the side effects associated with my treatments.  I had hoped to start the New Year, more or less, back to normal, but I have a new "normal" now, and it's taking me a little time to get used to it.  Doctor, and specialist appointments are already on my calendar.  I haven't committed myself to participate in any  extra activities because I never know how I will feel on any given day.  I used to plan well in advance, now I don't look further ahead than a week at a time.  Sometimes that gets shortened to a day at a time.  I know it's all part of the recovery phase I now find myself, but it does get frustrating, especially for my A-type personality, to be forced to rest when my heart says "RUN!"  It's that old adage of my mind is willing but my body is weak. 

On January 3rd, I joined our local recreation centre, determined to begin my fitness journey again.  I'm not a resolution person, but I feel it important to build up my stamina and try to stave off the aging process as much as possible.  I've got two "set in stone" calendar dates I cannot miss: my daughter's wedding on July 18th, and the 40th Anniversary of the Terry Fox Marathon of Hope run in Victoria, B.C., on September 20th.  I know the organizer of the head-shaving event, and I have been asked to be one of the guest speakers.  I have made my plans for those two special days, but I also know only too well that, "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

That particular scripture verse has been my life verse.  I have gotten so used to the U-turns in life that I am no longer surprised by them.  2019 taught me that when a health crisis hits, all plans change, almost in an instance.  Nothing else takes precedence than fighting the battle.  Dates on the calendar are wiped clean, activities are cancelled or rescheduled. The idea is to trust God and allow Him to steer me through, around and over any of those unexpected life-changes I find myself.  God has never steered me wrong! 

My prayers are that 2020 will be filled with countless memory-making events, and that I will be strong and healthy to plan, and enjoy each and every one of them!

I have appreciated all your prayers for me last year, and ask that you continue to pray for me while I continue to recover.

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com   

To Be and Bee - Marnie Pohlmann

As a writer, I have approached 2019 from a writer’s basic viewpoint.

Who:

Me.

What:

My purpose in 2019.

Where:

Where I am right now.

When:

While I live on this earth.

Why:

Because God has planned what I am to do for Him and I’d like to be about my Lord’s business. Having death in many ways hover over me for the last few years, I am cognizant of how much time I waste and let slip by, so my “good intentions” have become “good inattention.”

How:

Ah… and there’s the rub.

I have spent most of my life trying to discover who I am and what my purpose in life is. Occasionally I think I know the answers to these questions, and then the struggle begins anew.

I have learned over the last few years that the childhood trauma I experienced has had a dramatic effect on my brain. My coping methods, my self-talk, and my personality have all developed in light of that trauma. I have struggled to discover who the Marnie is that God knit together in my mother’s womb and who I was meant to be before trauma interfered. It’s the old philosophical question of “nature vs nurture” for which there are many facets of discovery and no absolute answers until we learn from God.

No matter who I was meant to be, I am who I am today because of my life experiences. No matter how wonderful God created me to be, I am still a sinner living in a broken world. I am still undeserving of God’s mercy and salvation through grace, yet I am the recipient of both. Therein lies my hope for answers.

You see, I have learned that no matter who I am or what I have experienced, God still has a purpose for me. As He redeems my life, He teaches me not who I was meant to be, but who I will be.

As depression squeezed my life these last few years, all my healthy habits fell away. This year I need to relearn the “how” of living. As I thought about this, I became anxious about the eating, drinking, and moving that is needed for a healthy body. I became frustrated at failing to be kind to myself. I became ashamed at my lack of self-discipline. So much must change! What to do, and how to do it in 2019?

I asked God what He wanted me to do this year. Should I stop some of the volunteer work I do for the church, the Historical Society, my work’s recreational club, or Inscribe? Most of this work both frustrates me and fills my cup. Should I write, or give it up? Should I work or look for something new that can pay the bills?

The word “be” jumped to mind. Yes, B… E... spelled out simply and boldly in front of my mind’s eye.

I jumped to the conclusion it must mean Psalm 46:10.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will be honoured by every nation. I will be honoured throughout the world.” (NLT)

What does “Be still and know that I am God” look like in my life this year?

“No,” God corrected. “That’s not what I said. Think about it for awhile.”

So, I pondered what “be” could mean.

Then at work I was given some flowers with a cute little stuffy in the center. It was a ladybug, but I first saw it as a bee. Yes, a bee. Confirmation of my “word” for 2019?

So, I pondered what “bee” could mean.

 

Bee.

I was certainly busy as a bee. When I think about it, though, a bee is only busy with the work it is designed for. A worker bee stumbles from flower to flower, collecting pollen to take back for others to enjoy while producing the honey they are known for. A bee is focused.

Be.

Just be me. With all my natural and nurtured faults, my quirks, and my creativity. Not trying to be who I think I should have been, should be, or should want to become. Just be me.

God loves me just as I am though He will not leave me where I am. I must grow and change, but that is not what my focus is to be. I am to focus not on my overwhelming life, but on the flowers God provides to attract and feed me, and then to take that nourishment to others. I am to become bee focused.

And how to do that?

Who:

Me with God.

What:

Choices, being transparent and honest no matter what I imagine others may think.

When:

Moment by moment, day by day.

Where:

At work, at church, at home, everywhere I volunteer, at my writing desk and when I am alone, with only God and me.

Why:

Because to be a bee is to have purpose and to know who I am to be - a servant of the King.

How:

By caring for myself as God cares for me and focusing on my Master as He leads me from flower to flower.

In 2019 I will Bee.

I will Be.

Marnie will BE in northern British Columbia, where she writes and occasionally shares on her blog,  Phosphorescent.

New Year, No Goals by Lynn Dove

I will admit that I do not make New Year's resolutions anymore.  I find the effort to be very discouraging for the most part because inevitably only a few days into the New Year I've already failed in some way at keeping them.  It's not that I have not made resolutions in the past because I have.  I tried to make goals that were easily attainable.  I knew that setting far-reaching and pursuing lofty ambitions for myself or for my career at the start of the year, would undoubtedly cause me grief and guilt in the weeks and months that followed.  Being an "A" type personality, I would be consumed with perfection in succeeding, that I would become obsessed, and all else would fall by the wayside while I strove for the unreachable.  Let's just say, it not only made me miserable, it made everyone around me miserable too.  So I made more realistic goals for myself only to find I had not the time or the discipline needed to accomplish those either!  I would then spiral into a guilty malaise where I did not do anything!  That's not a good way to start a New Year.

I applaud those, especially fellow writers, who set and keep goals for themselves to start the New Year.  Whether the goals are just a continuation from the past year, or newly made, I pray that like the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:24, you will be spurred on towards the finish line!  Keep running the race set before you and keep at it until it is finished.

I strive for that as well, but I don't sprint for the finish line as some might do.  My race for many years now has been a steady jaunt, like a cross-country run with deep mud pits and high obstacles to go over or go around and the finish line nowhere in sight.  People keep nudging me to run faster but I can't.  I keep my slow and steady pace and continue to be amazed by the intricacies of the journey lessons I learn along the way.

My writing journey meanders like a contented stream.  Some days I am caught up in the current and will pour my thoughts onto paper undammed and heading straight for a waterfall.  I will write for hours and days with no slowing down.  Then there is that inevitable log jam, and words merely trickle onto paper.  Life gets in the way.  Grandchildren need my attention, my husband requires a proper meal, I must shoo dust bunnies from the house.  It can be days and weeks before I return once more to the computer keyboard to again write.

Previous years, I would fret about not writing.  My writing goals always before me, causing me angst because I could not keep to them.  I no longer am guilty during those "log-jammed" times.  My writing can wait.  It is enough to know that I am in the centre of God's Will.  There is a season for everything and He is in control.  I embrace the journey and know there is a finish line at some point, even though for now, I don't see it.

 Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com