It all started in a dark season of unrelenting grief. I had experienced so many losses in such a short period of time; two beloved fur-kids gone to the Rainbow Bridge, both my darling parents gone home to Jesus, an only sibling who "divorced" me from his life, and a dear sister-friend of over 30 years who decided our lives were "moving in different directions".
It wasn't really an intentional act, that first day I put pencil to paper in a little spiral bound notebook. I can't even recall my motivation for doing so. I suppose subconsciously I had an urge to purge myself of some hard and destructive emotions. Or, maybe I felt it would be a way of motivating me in my writing. It did both.
Each morning, at the conclusion of my breakfast, I would pull out my notebook and randomly think of any word. I'd add it to the index page, scribble a little jot—either a paw print, heart, starburst, etc.—on the title page, and write the word and the date on the fresh page. Then, I would just write. Whatever came into my mind, I recorded it without filters. Once complete, I would write a short corresponding prayer and then add a verse of scripture to reinforce the thoughts I had just logged. Looking back, from that first word, I can now see a pattern that began to emerge: Loss, Sunshine, Music, Silence, Worship, Challenge, Trust, Waiting ...
There is no end to the options available when it comes to journaling. In the past, like so many others, I was attracted to the "new and shiny" objects that would especially be pushed relentlessly at the close of a year. I'd look at these items, my mind's eye picturing the amazing, colourful pages I'd create in a wide margin journal Bible, or the fun digital images I could assemble in a mindfulness and gratitude journal. I'd fork out my Christmas money enthusiastically with high expectations. But I'd realize very soon that the process was either too cumbersome or complicated or time consuming. After just a short time it would be forgotten, left lying in a drawer never to be touched again. And, above all, it hardly felt like honouring God.
Like any kind of journaling, commitment is certainly a part of what makes it meaningful. Trial and error is also a way of learning more about oneself; understanding our strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes when it comes to choosing the right application, testing and strengthening our connection to God. As the seasons of our lives change, so too may our choices for and even against journaling. When we experience these things, we know that the Holy Spirit is working in us.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV)In no time, my little process became an automatic response. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and then years and soon my little book was full. I had named my morning scribbles "First Words…and other random thoughts" and began using them as weekly content on my Facebook page as a way to draw my followers closer to God and to their own healing.
But then I got busy. Over time, I became engrossed with other God-honouring projects He had laid on me. As it always happens, life interferes, routines change, the Lord's plan is rolled out.
My little book got left behind.
So, when on December 30th, I happened across my little book in a pile, I pulled it out and opened it to the last entry. Exactly one year ago on December 30th, I made my last entry. Certainly, I have been blessed and have accomplished much in the meantime. Projects have come to fruition, new relationships established, a closer connection to God cultivated. But also, a fresh new keenness to resume filling my little book with daily entries has filled my heart and awakened my soul.
"Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you." (Psalm 37:5 NLT)
Peggianne, I enjoyed reading about your own journaling experiences. I find it fascinating to learn how other people journal.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea of keeping an index of your entries by using key words. I do use my old journals as research material so having an index would be helpful in narrowing the search for certain bits of info. I have thought about doing it in the past, but with your example in front of me, I might actually put it into practice as the new year begins. Thank you. :)
The way you journal is an interesting and new-to-me twist. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteDear Peggianne, the beginning of your post brought writing as healing to my mind. The "unrelenting grief" you mention I can see how your losses could motivate you to "purge" your emotions as well as motivate you to write. Thank you so much for the insights you offer us into the commitment it takes to journal. Blessings to you.
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