“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
It’s been a winter season of mourning and trying to figure out a new normal since my husband, Brian, passed away. It’s been almost two years and yet sometimes it feels like yesterday.
It’s been a season filled with much weeping, especially in the first year. I’ve been exhausted. The journey with him through the cancer was long and tiring for both of us.
At the beginning and occasionally even now, it’s felt disloyal to move forward, to embrace a time of laughing again. Yet remaining stuck in grief is not the answer. At times I feel I should have moved forward further than I have.
I felt lonely and still often do and even second guess decisions I make or need to make. My partner is no longer here to discuss them with. Yet he never wanted me to stop living life to the fullest I can. It just wasn’t his desire for me once he no longer lived his pain-filled life.
So how has God provided for me as I move through grief and this time of mourning? God gave me a wonderfully supportive family who are there for me, check up on me and just care. Then He provided encouraging friends. One in particular, who lives at a distance, texts often. Sometimes the chat contains daily life activities. Often he asks how I am doing and waits for an honest answer. There are no platitudes, just genuine care and concern. I also have a great Christian counsellor who listens well as I share this journey. In all, God has given me a wonderful support system which helps offset some of the loneliness.
Yet this season of grief and dealing with details of funeral and estate along with daily life has left me feeing uncreative. All I’ve written for over two years is the monthly blog post which has taken much work and has often been difficult. I ask when will creativity flow once more? When will discouragement fade? When will the time of laughter ring out?
One day at a time. Sometimes hour by hour I’ve been walking through this winter season of life, waiting for a time to fully embrace the new normal of life, including finding my way to more writing and crafting. It will come in time – God’s timing and not mine. I pray I hear the nudge when he presents it.
Carol Harrison lives in Saskatoon, SK. The winter photo above was taken from the train in Northern Ontario a few years ago on one of their memory making trips. Carol is in a season of waiting for the spring of creativity to bloom.
Carol, you amaze me. Even as you've been going through this season of loss and pain and weariness, you have continued to post regularly here on InScribe. I want to thank you, then, for the time and energy and, yes, even the creative work of pushing through to write these posts while going through this season of grief. Thank you for that gift to us in your time of need. It is my hope and prayer that you will soon experience those 'better days ahead'. ((( Heart hugs )))
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty, Carol, for sharing your journey of grief and the struggles within. May it bless those who are also on this road as it blessed my heart though I am not in that season. I agree with Brenda, you amaze me. May God continue to hold you in His righteous right hand each hour as you find your way.
ReplyDeleteHi Carol. Thanks for sharing your heart and doing it so well. I enjoy your posts on the blog and on Facebook where you are always so grateful. I’ve learnt from you along the way even if you have not realized it. My prayer for you is that in agreement with your own hearts desire you will soon feel the flow of your words and artistic side again.
ReplyDeleteDear Carol, your passion for writing shows even through your season of grief. Thank you for your word here. I pray for you that your creativity will flow, your discouragement will fade, and laughter will ring out for you. Please, Lord, help Carol hear "the nudge" when You present it.
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