Winter of Grief by Carol Harrison

 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

It’s been a winter season of mourning and trying to figure out a new normal since my husband, Brian, passed away. It’s been almost two years and yet sometimes it feels like yesterday.

It’s been a season filled with much weeping, especially in the first year. I’ve been exhausted. The journey with him through the cancer was long and tiring for both of us.

At the beginning and occasionally even now, it’s felt disloyal to move forward, to embrace a time of laughing again. Yet remaining stuck in grief is not the answer. At times I feel I should have moved forward further than I have.

I felt lonely and still often do and even second guess decisions I make or need to make. My partner is no longer here to discuss them with. Yet he never wanted me to stop living life to the fullest I can. It just wasn’t his desire for me once he no longer lived his pain-filled life.

So how has God provided for me as I move through grief and this time of mourning? God gave me a wonderfully supportive family who are there for me, check up on me and just care. Then He provided encouraging friends. One in particular, who lives at a distance, texts often. Sometimes the chat contains daily life activities. Often he asks how I am doing and waits for an honest answer. There are no platitudes, just genuine care and concern. I also have a great Christian counsellor who listens well as I share this journey. In all, God has given me a wonderful support system which helps offset some of the loneliness.

Yet this season of grief and dealing with details of funeral and estate along with daily life has left me feeing uncreative. All I’ve written for over two years is the monthly blog post which has taken much work and has often been difficult. I ask when will creativity flow once more? When will discouragement fade? When will the time of laughter ring out?

One day at a time. Sometimes hour by hour I’ve been walking through this winter season of life, waiting for a time to fully embrace the new normal of life, including finding my way to more writing and crafting. It will come in time – God’s timing and not mine. I pray I hear the nudge when he presents it.

 

Carol Harrison lives in Saskatoon, SK. The winter photo above was taken from the train in Northern Ontario a few years ago on one of their memory making trips. Carol is in a season of waiting for the spring of creativity to bloom.




 

Bloom Where You Are Planted by Lynn Dove

The sidewalks were pink with cherry blossom snow.  I could smell the fragrance of newly mowed grass, mingled with the sweet aroma of springtime blossoms.  The seagulls screeched their welcome to me as I walked towards the shoreline and embraced the full view of the ocean, the waves lapping in rhythmic cadence to the beating of my heart.  I was home.  Well, the home of my childhood at least. 

Several weeks before the travel bans and the Covid_19 season of isolation hit us all, I had left my wintry “home” in Alberta, to come to Vancouver Island for a week-long stay.  Had I known what we would be facing when we returned home from the Island, I likely would have fretted and not enjoyed this brief sojourn.  Thankfully, we were blissfully unaware of the growing pandemic looming just over the horizon so we thoroughly enjoyed our trip, drinking in the beauty and familiarity all around us.  Truth be told, I have been a prairie girl far longer than an island girl, having lived in the Calgary area most of my adult life.  Still, whenever I have had opportunity to visit Victoria and travel up and down the Island, I always feel like I am experiencing a homecoming of sorts.  The Island is where I spent my childhood, my teen years, and two years of university before I married the love of my life and returned to Calgary to settle permanently.  I have been a landlubber in Alberta since 1979, raising my family, and enduring the long, harsh winters there.  The getaway to visit parents, friends and family on Vancouver Island has become an almost yearly trek.  It is our annual reprieve from the cold of February and March in Alberta, to embrace Spring in all its glory there on the Island.  I drink in all the green, the budding trees, the crocuses and daffodils that grow like weeds everywhere I look.  I want the sights and smells to imprint themselves on my psyche, so I can recall them vividly when I again return to my Albertan home still in the throes of winter.

Last year, we did not go to the Island.  In April last year I was experiencing a myriad of strange aches and pains that was eventually diagnosed as endometrial cancer.  Spring was all but forgotten as I fought and battled up to Christmas.  During the darkest of those days, when the battle seemed almost overwhelming, I wasn’t sure I would ever experience another spring.  I felt the icy fingers of winter engulf me, even in the heat of summer.  I tried to remain positive, leaning on God for strength through the ordeal of chemo.  Always looking towards the finish line, when I could declare the battle over, I found comfort thinking about how I would embrace life after cancer.  The first item on my “to do” list, was to plan a trip to the Island. 

Wonderment.

 It’s the best way to describe how I felt throughout that week on Vancouver Island.  Wonderment at experiencing Spring in all its glory there, but also wonderment at being fully alive, fully in the moment, battle-weary, but overwhelmingly thankful to be thriving, not just surviving once again!
 

That feeling persists. 

Coming home to wintry Alberta, I didn’t complain about leaving the green of Spring there on the Island even when I saw the white drifts of snow piled up in our driveway.  I was home.  The break from winter had been refreshing, but the familiarity and peacefulness I feel here, even being in the last grips of winter chill, warms my heart like nothing else.  I remind myself that I must bloom where I am planted.  I must bloom, survive, thrive, and embrace life for as many days, weeks, and years that God gives me.  

I can't forget that.

Even in the midst of this Covid isolation, forced quarantine, and my inability to venture out because of my compromised immunity, I remind myself that this season will pass eventually.  I long to hug on my loved ones, and my arms ache to cuddle my grandbabies once again.  Still, I continue to stay positive.  I must enjoy each day as a gift from God no matter what circumstances lay before me.  I must continue to bloom, to look to the future, and be thankful.

After all, I praise God every day that I can bloom at all!

Lynn Dove is the award-winning author, of the YA “Wounded Trilogy”- a contemporary Christian fiction series with coming-of-age themes.  A wife, mom, grandmother, and free-lance writer with articles published in several magazines and anthologies including Chicken Soup for the Soul books, her blog, “Journey Thoughts” is a Canadian Christian Writing Award winner.  Readers may connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and at lynndove.com   

Winter White Writing - Marnie Pohlmann

The snow is falling outside my window while I am cozy inside. I feel like I should curl up with a London Fog in my favourite teacup and a new novel in my hands. But I know what must be done first.

White.

Glaring white.

Not a blotch mars the immaculate sheet of white.

Sometimes that unmarked canvas is exciting, inviting me to play, but other times, like today, it just feels like work. An overwhelming task. I am stressed I will not find the motivation to complete this piece - my part of the job.

I close my eyes and open them again. Still white.

I switch my gaze to the other page, the one that holds the prompt, then back again to the blank screen.

Still white.

Sigh.

I spend a few minutes studying the other pieces of this month's task. Usually, as I think about what to write each month for my post on the Writers' Online blog for Inscribe, I make notes of various ideas for the theme. As I read the other posts published before mine I am inspired with something to add to the discussion or reminded of what the topic means to me, and I add these ideas to my collection of thoughts.

Reading this month’s posts, I have certainly been inspired to look for more of the resources others find valuable. I appreciate everyone sharing their favourites. Although I have been learning to write for the better part of a half-century, I am just beginning to learn how to write and what to do with that writing.

Tonight, as I open my October file in Scrivener to begin finalizing my ideas for this month's blog, I shiver. Not from the weather outside, but from my file. It is... empty! GASP! I have not one flake of inspiration collected from which to begin.

I start to throw black words onto the white. Then I backspace. I begin again. And backspace. The white recovers my attempts faster than the snow outside is covering the driveway.

I sit back and glance out the window. The still-falling chalky moisture shows winter is wanting to take hold.

I take a deep breath and consider... what resources help me to write?

I begin again. No deleting this time!

I am presently scribbling in Scrivener, one of the writing resources I am learning to use. My favourite feature is that I can open Scrivener without opening anything else on my computer, so am not tempted to answer email or check Facebook. (Okay, yes, I still do, but the option is there to not give in, and there are times I do focus only on writing.)

Aside from Scrivener, I am grateful for my Lenovo 14" laptop on which Scrivener runs. Small and light, it is comfortable to use at my desk or carry to a lounge chair or to the Inscribe Fall Conference.

I pause, and begin, again...

Writing is the only way I know to get better as a writer. Still, after all these years, I allow interruptions to interfere with playing in my favourite tools. Like picking up that shovel to clear the sidewalk, I find sitting down to write the most difficult step of writing. (Though honestly, my husband reminds me, I don’t pick up a real shovel as often as I pick up my computer.)

What sits me down at the computer to write?

A deadline.

That’s it!

A deadline is usually what pushes me to the keyboard.

Deadlines mean I have committed to writing by a particular date. That is a tool that works for me. Whether the deadline is for this blog, a contest, my church, or my own projects, whether that deadline is set by others or myself, the pledge to meet a date or time encourages me to write.

Does it make me a better writer? I think so because it forces me to write whether it feels like work or play. As a Christian writer, I am encouraged to let my yes be yes, to complete my commitments, and meeting deadlines is one way to do so.

There is no stopping the advance of winter. It will come. Outside my window, the snow has now become slushy. Winter has not quite taken hold.

And writers' block has not taken hold, either.

Tonight, the night before my post is due, I no longer see only white.

* photos CCO license, Pixabay.com

Marnie may need to pick up a shovel this winter, but she'd rather be working with words. 

Blog, Phosphoresence

Winter Is Not Forever by Bob Jones

Some words sound like they mean. Take the word “languish” – defined as “remaining in an unpleasant place.” January can be an intense month for those who are languishing. But there is hope and gratitude.

Dr. Merry Lin, a registered clinical psychologist says, “One of the biggest mental health issues I see on a regular basis isn’t depression or anxiety. Its people who are languishing.”

Languishing is not the presence of mental illness; it’s the absence of mental and emotional vitality. Dr Lin calls it the “winter of your soul.”

The winter of our souls can feel all-consuming and never ending. The good news is winter is not forever.

Dr Lin has over twenty years of experience in counseling individuals, couples, and families on a variety of personal issues.  She found herself “languishing” a few years ago.

Dr Lin observed five things that contributed to the winter of her soul:

1. Living a life of ignored introspection.
2. Action valued over reflection.
3. Rushing through life mindlessly.
4. Not growing through hardships.
5. Not knowing that she was stuck or why she was stuck.

10 Statements Of The Languishing

Use the rankings below to evaluate where you are.

1 = not at all true
2 = sometimes
3 = often
4 = most of the time
5 = completely true

1. I am juggling my responsibilities and feel like I can’t keep up with the demands of life.
2. When I stop I feel emotionally or physically exhausted.
3. I wish I could take a significant break to rest and reflect on my life with some soul-searching.
4. My spiritual life feels dry and lifeless.
5. I have a hard time sensing God’s presence in my life or experiencing His love for me.
6. I seem to struggle with the same issues over and over in my life and don’t know why.
7. I don’t like to think about negative or uncomfortable things for too long and I distract myself to feel better.
8. I’m uncomfortable with strong emotions and would rather focus on practical, sensible things.
9. I feel stuck, knowing I need to make some changes but unsure where to start.
10. People rely on me and think of me as competent, but I don’t know how I feel or if I care anymore.

If your total score is 10-20 you appear to have good self-awareness. Use the opportunity to truly live out what you know.

If your total score is 21-30 your life could use some improvement. Take a look at the scores of 3 and higher to identify what you need to focus on.

If you total score is 31-50 take heed. Seize this opportunity to re-calibrate your life.

Re-calibrating Your Life

1.  Start by simply affirming that God cares about you. He knows where are you and how you feel. He will help you move your life forward.

2. Ask yourself, “What activities, tasks, or relationships are draining the life away from me?”

Write down everything you’ve done – or tried to do – in the past month – your meetings, tasks, events, responsibilities, connections, etc. Are these things sapping your energy or bearing fruit?

3. Note the things that are rooted in fear or insecurity.

4. Work at addressing one issue at a time. Tackle the one you feel is most simple to deal with. Then address the next one.

5. Thank God for his favor.

Taking time to re-calibrate in winter will ready you for spring and the new life God is bringing to you.

Robert (Bob) W. Jones is a recovering perfectionist, who collects Coca-Cola memorabilia and drinks Iced Tea. His office walls are adorned with his sons’ framed football jerseys, and his library shelves, with soul food. He writes to inspire people to be real, grow an authentic faith in Jesus, enjoy healthy relationships and discover their life purpose.

After the Storm by Marnie Pohlmann

Soft flakes of snow bring joy, for there is fun to be had in mountain playgrounds. Children cheer as they bundle into snowsuits to build forts and taste winter on their tongues. Diamonds glisten in the yard, and hoar frost dresses the trees in fuzzy coats. The brisk air colors cheeks red while the sun shines in a blue sky to bring a few hours of delightful daylight into a Christmas card landscape.

Yet sometimes, icy snow blows against the windows and gathers in deep drifts against doors. This is the brutal blizzard that makes driveways indiscernible from the yard. Deep grooves through the snow over icy roadways guide the vehicles of those who must go out. Most of us choose to sit inside a warm home and wait for the storm to wane.

In a small mountain town where my family began, the average winter snowfall was 13 feet for the season from October to March.  Temperatures could dip below -40C for days at a time. One year we had 16 feet of snow on the flat, with great walls looming along roadways and driveways. The last year we lived there, there was only 4 hours of recorded sunlight for a whole month because most days the clouds, whether coming or going, dropped a new heavy blanket over the town.

Many may wonder why we would choose to live in a place that gets such weather. Many escape to tropical locations to avoid the winter. While there are days I would love to be lying on the beach rather than putting on an extra pair of socks, I must say winter helps me appreciate life.

I like living in places that have four distinct seasons. When life is Winter dark, I know Spring light will eventually lengthen the days and bring new growth. When I am in the Summer heat too long, the Autumn colours will soon explode, leading into times of more rest and winter reflection. Even though I often reside where winter is longer than the spring, summer, and autumn, experiencing each season helps me put life in perspective.

For example, weathering this year's winter of struggles, I am reminded of Elijah's story in 1 Kings 19.

When Elijah became depressed, feeling tired, fearful, and alone, he went to a cave where he waited out a storm, an earthquake, and a fire. Finally, the weather changed and a warm breeze blew. That is when Elijah heard the voice of God giving him direction for the next step in his journey.

We are not told how Elijah spent his time while waiting in the cave. Perhaps he complained and wallowed in his muddy misery. Or perhaps he made a list of blessings, kept a thankfulness journal, sang happy songs, or even read some Scripture, because these activities provide positive changes in thinking and attitude. Or maybe he just waited, resting and trusting that God would redeem his dark time.

The exercise of positive thinking, encouraged by list-making, writing, and music, is a way to stop us from dwelling on the darkness, helps us look toward the future, and changes negative self-talk into positive self-image. The Bible teaches us to renew our mind, and these ways to positive thinking help do just that.

I confess this year I have not been good at practicing the positive thinking lifestyle. It's not that I am ungrateful or lack faith, but life's storms and stresses have made me cold. I have no energy to change my tired, fearful, lonely feelings into positive messages that will lead to thinking about the storms as a wonderful time. They have not been wonderful or joyful. So, like Elijah, I will wait for the storm to pass. I have not lost faith in God. I recognize the "power" in the "power of positive thinking" is not me. Only God has the power to change me from the inside out in a way that is sustainable even in a raging storm.

It does no good to shovel the driveway while the snow is still falling heavily or drifting with a strong wind that hurts my face. It is better just to huddle in a warm place. There is nothing I can do about the storm.  I cannot change the weather or some circumstances of life. I know the One who can, though, so I will wait through the storms, earthquakes, and fires in life for a calmer time; a time when I can hear God's voice.

Then the work begins. The shoveling through drifts and doubts so I can hear God's direction for the next step in my journey. God will redeem the frost-bite pain of hard, dark times. They will become diamonds in my life landscape, places for laughter and building. God has faithfully taken me through storms before, so I know He will again.

Are you hibernating in a winter season of your life? Please know it is not wrong to be suffering. Pain and injury can be healed. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. The storms will calm, and God will continue to direct your path.

*Photos of word cloud courtesy of Pixabay.com

Photos of tree, shovel by Marnie Pohlmann

Marnie writes from a winter land. Follow her life and learning at Phosphorescent.

Winter is a Gift from God - by Tandy Balson

The winter beauty astounds me.  Yes, it is extremely cold outside but I am looking at it from a nice warm house. I stop and thank God for providing protection from the cold.

When the temperature dips to -20°C and below the snow is so fine it’s hard to see.  As I walk past the window, a beam of light highlights sparkling snow that looks like glitter being sprinkled from above. I am compelled to call each person in the house to the exact spot I’d been standing in, so they, too, can experience this incredible sight.

Another morning I awoke to an ice fog. When it lifted, the cold, sunny morning revealed frost covering the bare branches of nearby trees. Set against the azure sky, the effect was breathtaking. Until I moved to Alberta, I had never seen this kind of frost.  The ice crystals have formed on only one side of the branches.  It’s not only on trees.  The antenna on our truck looks like it has a fringe that froze in place as it stretched out in the breeze. I reach for my camera to capture this incredible sight.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the splendour of your creation. The world around me sparkles like precious diamonds.

I am reminded that God delights in providing blessings in unexpected places. Even in the cold winter of my soul, when the hope of new life seems so far away, he is working for my good. His mercies are new every morning. I will rest in the Lord, knowing that winter is one of his precious gifts.

“He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes.” Psalm 147:16