I'd get up at 4:00 a.m. with my husband. I'd prepare his fresh coffee and lunch, while he got ready. At 4:30 on the nose, I'd kiss him out the door and head for my office. If no sows were farrowing, I'd get in two hours of writing and submissions done before I woke the kids to do chores while I made breakfast and got myself ready for school.
In the mid-nineties, we moved my parents to a nursing home more than two hours away. Mom's health problems were physical; Dad's diagnosis was Alzheimer's. Loving my parents and my own family as I did, I sometimes felt like a squished tomato sandwich. In the midst of this, I moved to a Grade Five class where I had new curriculum and, unknown to me at the time, one of the most challenging classes of my career. This was definitely not the season to write, but I did manage to have some stories published even then.
One day my husband asked in a kindly voice, "Why don't you wait until you retire before you write?" That was absolutely what I didn't want to hear. For one thing, retirement seemed a long ways off and I wanted to write now. Pouting, I suspect, I headed right back to the computer.
By December that year, even I realized I needed help. Visiting a psychologist, I learned how seriously my invincible attitude and my work/life imbalance was affecting me. Diagnosed with clinical depression, I needed meds and time off work. I needed to gear down in all aspects of my life, except for my faith life. That one I figured out on my own.
Although I had believed in God all my life, I needed to get in closer touch with the God who loved me enough to send his Son to die for me. I read scripture and other inspiring and introspective material. I poured out my heart in my journal, often praying as I wrote. I spent time with my family and close friends and tried to ease up on myself in many aspects of my life.
As for that year to write, it still hasn't come for me. Even in retirement, life gets busy. If you've read my last couple InScribe blogs, you may remember that my husband and I have sold our bigger, dream home and moved to a rental property. It's a long story, but the last several months have been extremely busy. Sometimes we think we rented more work.
Did my husband and I make a mistake with this move? Possibly. But we are here and we are doing the best we can with the circumstances. Leslie Williams in Night Wrestling talks about how we may think we have made a wrong choice. Then she explains, ". . . Because of God's redemption on the cross, there are no ultimate 'wrong' choices. God redeems all our blunders, all our stupidity. The crucial
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| Church visited in Mexico on our pilgrimage |
I had hoped that downsizing and living in smaller quarters might give me more time to write. So far, this theory isn't working. We'll see. In the meantime, I choose to trust God that we are where we are supposed to be for now. This will be a year of faith.
Prayer: Dear Lord I pray that all of us as writers who are Christian will look to you for inspiration and guidance in our writing and our time management. Be our guide in balancing the responsibilities each of us have in our lives. Even though few of us have that year off to write, help us to write what you would have us write, when you would have us write. Bless our lives, our families, and our writing, Lord, that we may honour and glorify your name. Amen
Photo by Marion Lalonde
Thanks, Sharon, for sharing your heart, emotions and life-struggles. I love what you say about God redeeming our blunders and stupidity and that, in the end, we need to choose God. I pray you will soon be able to begin your life of full-time writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon, I too am a farmer's wife. We are raise market hogs. Six years ago we sold off the sow farm to a nephew and we raise what he produces. We are slowing down but I hear you when you say that still life is busy and the days you thought you would have to write still aren't there as you thought they would be. I hope your move proves to be a positive one and I hope you do find more time to write. God knows what he has in store for us even when it's not what we think it should be. Thanks for your honesty and for sharing your story with us.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your comment by Leslie Williams as to how God redeems all our blunders. It is so reassuring to know that God can take our mistakes and make something beautiful out of them when we surrender ourselves to Him.
ReplyDeletePam
Thank you, Connie, Vickie and Pam for your comments and words of encouragement. Thanks for your hopes, prayers, and reassurance that God will take our "mistakes" and make something beautiful out of them. Bless you all in your writing and your lives also.
ReplyDelete"Because of God's redemption on the cross, there are no ultimate 'wrong' choices."
ReplyDeleteThis must be so liberating for you. I appreciate your candid admission that the opportunity for free time seems to have backfired.
Yet the occasional retreats and obstacles are usable by God--in fact may be preparation for more critical thinking and writing ahead.
I'm sure your prayer will be answered in His time.
"Because of God's redemption on the cross, there are no ultimate 'wrong' choices."
ReplyDeleteThis must be so liberating for you. I appreciate your candid admission that the opportunity for free time seems to have backfired.
Yet the occasional retreats and obstacles are usable by God--in fact may be preparation for more critical thinking and writing ahead.
I'm sure your prayer will be answered in His time.
Thanks Sharon for sharing with honesty ... my daughter is very gifted in art, and yet the busyness of life for her with three small children, she uses her creativity in numerous ways ... and still produces some art. We are called to live and love most importantly and sometimes to write.
ReplyDeleteBlessings