The Discomfort Zone - Tracy Krauss

I'm sure we've all had to 'step outside our comfort zones' at some point in our lives. Maybe it was that first time you had to speak in front of a group of people, or maybe it was left to you to share some bad news with a friend. Whatever the scenario, we've all been there. This month we're discussing this topic, especially as it relates to our lives as writers.

I had to step outside my comfort zone many times during my adventure toward publication. It started as far back as when I finished my first manuscript. I had laboured over that first story for years, (literally) and finally came to the point where I had to let somebody read it. It seems silly now, but I remember being so apprehensive. Of course, my goal was publication, yet I really wasn't sure I was ready to let anyone read what I had written! Writing is so PERSONAL. Handing over one's baby for the first time can be a really scary experience.

The next big 'discomfort' was receiving my first rejections. The rejection 'form letters' filtered in and I was soon to realize that this 'becoming an author thing' was not going to be as easy as I had first imagined. Then I got my first real critique.  I was shocked, hurt, and even angry - until the truth of what was being said sank in. Suddenly, what they were saying made so much sense. My stylistic errors were suddenly glaringly obvious. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it myself. Since then, I've learned to value every piece of criticism I receive. They are actually gifts that sharpen the craft and makes one a better writer in the end.

Looking back, these were easy 'discomforts' to overcome. Much more difficult is all the self promotion that seems to be part and parcel of being an author. I'm okay when others give me genuine praise, but 'blowing my own horn' is unnerving. It's something that takes time, practice, and a healthy dose of humility.

I'm not normally a person who likes a lot of attention - a bit of a paradox for someone involved in the theatre. (Perhaps the difference is that when acting, you aren't trying to be yourself. You're pretending to be someone else.) As an author, however, I'm baring my soul to the world, bracing for the criticism that is bound to come. This is the real me, even if I'm writing fiction. Hopefully, there will be a bit of positive feedback as well, but the fear of the negative is often worse than the real thing itself. There is a sense that in the midst of all the self-hype, someone will notice that I'm actually a fraud.

This kind of negative self-talk is at the root of many of our insecurities as authors. I like how Jeff Goins in his Writers' Manifesto, encourages us to step out of that realm:

“Writers don’t write to get published. They write for another reason. This is the first and only lesson every writer must learn. Writers don’t write for recognition. They don’t do it for fame, accolades or notoriety. They do it because they cannot NOT write. By their gifts and under the authority of a higher calling, they are compelled to create. To wonder. To dream. To express...

We must put these ideas of fame and reward to death. They have no place in the creative process. The true writer simply shows up. Ready to do the work - whether the work is successful or acknowledged or important. And they do this everyday. Even without applause. 

Of course there is a great irony to all of this... fasting from acclaim liberates us... Here is the paradox: as we care less about our audience’s affections more people will be affected.”

- Jeff Goins, The Writers Manifesto

A little bit of discomfort actually helps us to grow. I'll end with some encouraging words from Eugene Peterson's paraphrase:

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. Galatians 6: 4 – 5 (Message)

Trusting God as a Parent of Children with Special Needs - Ruth L. Snyder

Whether you are a mother at heart and/or a mother of children, Happy Mother's Day! 

When my husband and I decided to adopt, we didn't know how many questions we would have to answer. Questions about our growing up years, questions about our marriage, questions about what kind of child we were looking to adopt. One question we were asked is "What special needs are you willing to accept in a child?" We knew we were ill-equipped to answer this question. However, as we thought and prayed about it, we agreed that with God's help we should be willing to accept any special needs. This was the first major nudge out of our comfort zone.

One advantage adoptive parents have is knowing up front what some of the special needs of a child are, and having time to prepare. When we were matched with our twin boys, we were told they were born prematurely, they had developmental delays, they both had glasses, and one of them had a severe hearing loss. We were able to gather some information, meet with some of the specialists, and discuss education options with our local school, before the twins were placed with us.

However, adoptive parents only have access to as much information as the birth parents are willing to share. We have been asked several times whether our children were exposed to alcohol or drugs in utero. This information is required for a diagnosis of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. We will probably never know the answer to that question. Sometimes, without a diagnosis, funding and services are not available.

When we adopted, there were a lot of things we didn't know:

We didn't know the special joys associated with parenting a child with special needs. It's difficult to put into words how rewarding it is to parent these children. Some people look at all the work involved and ask how we can do it. We look at the rewards and ask, "How can we not do it?" Seeing the progress of our children, watching them interact with others, and seeing how they teach others empathy is amazing. They have taught us how to love and how to trust God in ways we may never have learned any other way. Although adopting and parenting special needs children has been (and continues to be) the most challenging thing we've ever done, we would do it all over again.

We didn't know what RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) is like, or how to parent someone with RAD. It may have been easier if we had seen this video.

 

We didn't know how difficult it would be to advocate for inclusive education for our children. My children made me into the strong advocate I am today. I naively believed that all people do their best to meet the needs of ALL children. Unfortunately this is not true. However, in the process of advocating, I have met wonderful people who go over and beyond the call of duty in meeting the needs of children and families. I gladly share the resources I have discovered with other families. In fact, one of the reasons I served as a school board trustee with Northern Lights Public Schools was so that I could help other families. That experience gave me insight into the education system, how it works, and how to be an advocate on the political level.

Just like parenting doesn't end when children become adults, advocacy doesn't end at age eighteen either. This past year we have had the opportunity to connect with Inclusion Alberta and learn more about the benefits of inclusion. We have been armed with information. For instance, did you know that research has shown that when children with special needs (even severe cognitive disabilities) are educated in an inclusive environment, 80% of them find a job? However, when children with special needs are segregated into specialized programs, only 20% find a job after high school. Research also dispels the myth that "regular" students suffer when special needs students are included in general classrooms. In fact, all students benefit both academically and socially. 

Each day is a new adventure with our children. Some days bring laughter. Other days bring tears and prayer for wisdom. Through it all, God is teaching us all many important lessons.

What about you? What is God asking you to do? Sometimes obeying feels like jumping off a cliff. However, God is always there and when we are willing to move out of our comfort zone in obedience to God, the results are amazing.

"So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Ruth L. Snyder lives with her husband, Kendall, and their five children in northeastern Alberta. She currently edits a newsletter for foster, adoptive, and kinship families in northeastern Alberta. Ruth enjoys writing, publishing, and marketing. She offers coaching for other writers and helps other writers publish their material. Ruth also serves as the President of InScribe Christian Writers' Fellowship.

Up and Out of the Easy Chair by Pamela Mytroen

Are you considering a daunting project? Afraid to exit your comfort zone? The worst part is thinking about it and wallowing in fear.

Three fears I face as I consider proposing a column for our newspaper: 

1). I am afraid that people will think I am being self-important, self-aggrandizing, or just plain weird. I am afraid I will lose their respect and friendship.

2). I am afraid that I will not honour God or help anyone.

3). I am afraid that I will fail.

Three Questions to understand fear

1). Why am I considering this project? Is it to hammer somebody over the head with truth, to showcase a shiny talent, or is it to bring light to darkness, and a stream to the desert?

2). Will this honour God? Does it line up with Scripture? Will it help people? In what way will it help people spiritually, practically, emotionally, intellectually, or socially?  

3). How will I recognize failure and/or success? Failure happens when we do not reach our goals (or when we do not learn anything from not having met our goals!).  

Eight Steps to help me move forward: 

To envision success, we need to set some goals. For example, here are my goals if I would like to propose a column in my newspaper:

A)   Pray and read God’s Word for wisdom and guidance. Write it down.

B)   Write three sample columns, about 350 words each that will bring light, truth, hope and a little humour to the readership.

C)   Share them with three godly people to get feedback. Do they affirm or not? Adjust writing based on feedback.

D)   Set a date to have seven more columns finished (Kathleen Gibson suggested I write a total of ten to show my editor) and a date to propose the column with the editor.

            F) Write seven more columns and a proposal. Meet with the editor, and                            adjust writing based on feedback.   

            G) Publish

            H) Evaluate based on feedback.  Did readers learn any godly truth? Did they feel enlightened or more hopeful?

            I) Continue praying, reading God’s Word, and writing, based on the feedback. 

             

Once I look at my goals, I see that the daunting task can be taken one step at a time.  Like Sandy Somers said in an earlier blog, the first step to see a harvest is to set the plow in the ground. I can do that. I can start with one step.

How do you feel when you consider an intimidating project? What steps help you move from the easy-chair to the battlefield?

Pam Mytroen

Shifting from the Kitchen to the Living Room by Sharon Espeseth

Getting out of the kitchen

Jesus statement struck close to me.

Like Martha, I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen of my life. I still cook, clean and help those around me, but I am spending more time for the living room. I can still love and serve beside Martha, but I now strive to relax, read, learn, play, spend time with my family and also  at Jesus' feet. Mary is already in the living room adoring Jesus.

Being a perfectionist, I empathized with Martha. I felt for her when Jesus said, "Martha, you are bothered about many things. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken away from her."







Comfortable or exhausted?

Striving to be the model homemaker, mother and wife, plus being a dedicated teacher, Christian, parishioner, daughter, sister, and friend was exhausting. I was so used to operating  on all eight cylinders that it seemed normal. How would I keep up if I slowed down?

In the mid nineties, my over-achieving efforts brought me to a halt. Knowing my life was wobbling like a table with a short leg, I began seeing a counsellor. Still l limped on in the classroom and at home without giving myself the attention I needed.

By mid-February, I had a total breakdown. My family doctor and my psychologist put me on anti-depressants and booked me off work. I didn't return to teaching until September.

When comfort zones become uncomfortable

This book was a life-changer for me.

Changing my ways became crucial. Counselling sessions, meds, journalling, long walks, listening more carefully to my husband's advice, praying, reading my Bible and other good books became the new order of my day.

In the Bible we are reminded often to seek rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary," Jesus tells us.  The Lord invites us to share the yoke with him. He will even make us lie down in green pastures.

Recent struggles

Recently while struggling to finish the jobs I had piled up in my kitchen, I felt God nudging me to unload some of it, but I had excuses.

I had co-led a church committee for more than a decade, but now I felt prompted to let this go. I could feel God showing me the way, but I couldn't let go of it without tidying the details. Not feeling up to the task, I "sat" on it.

God delivers his message


While  driving to the city in late March, the Norwegian and I observed the signs of spring. While
Hank drove, I watched a long string of geese flying beside us. Craning my neck as far as possible, I said, "I wonder why they aren't getting into V-formation." Just when my neck could turn no further, I saw a few front geese break the line. Knowing they were going to manage without my supervision, I turned my attention back to my journal writing.

Canada geese deliver message

Epiphany. That's what I need to do with my committee position. When we got home that evening, I phoned the friend I'd been planning to ask about my committee job. Without hesitation, Theresa agreed. I explained that certain details needed updating, but that I didn't feel up to doing it.

"That's okay, Theresa said." She didn't type, but she would ask the church secretary to do that. I felt like a heavy chunk of ice had slid off my shoulder. "Did God already have this lady lined up for the job?"

With one less responsibility, I hope to spend more time resting in green pastures, talking things over with God, and writing.

The geese incident had shown me how prideful I was not to pass on this job unless it was in perfect shape. Just as I knew the geese would manage on their own, I realized that Theresa, whose name God had whispered in my ear, would manage this job without my help.

What about comfort zones?

I love what you are saying, Sandi Somers: that God created each of us in a particular way and for a particular purpose. We are called to spread the gospel. We can do this through our writing, our living and our loving.

The Father also knows our limits.

I may never write the next great Canadian novel or set the world on fire spiritually, but I will do the best I can with the time I have left. I appreciate this quote by C. S. Lewis.

"God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them." 

This then reminds me of Paul's words to the Christians in Ephesus.

"For by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God--not of works, so that no one can boast.
Setting my priorities

When it gets too hot in the kitchen, I can move to the living room. I will do the best I can each day in evsetting my priorities. You may remember the video, A Valuable Lesson for a Happier Life by Meir Kay. With minor changes, I could mentally rename this video A Valuable Lesson for a More Faith-filled Life.

https://www.youtubecom/watch?v=SqGRnlXplx0

For me, the golf balls would still represent the important things: family, friends, health, faith and passions. I added faith to Mr. Kay's list, as that would be, or at least should be, my biggest passion. Writing is inferred as another big passion.

Put the golf balls in first.

For new comfort zones in writing, the genre doesn't matter as much as the fact that I write. I do, however, need to write and submit more for publication, even when I am timid about doing this.

I can do this from the living room, our deck, or the boat launch at the lake. I just need to honour the golf balls in my life.