Memories to Cherish: Dealing with Dementia - Ruth L. Snyder

This week has been an emotional one for me: the last week of the 2012-2013 school year for my own children, celebrating high school graduation with one of my nieces, and moving my parents into a senior's facility. This was a new phase for me on the roller coaster of dealing with my father's dementia. Those who've walked down this road with loved ones understand what it's like - skills and personality inexplicably dissolve before my eyes, turning him into a shell of the person he once was. My Dad, once a confident leader whom the africans nicknamed "Big Bull Elephant," acts more and more often like a lost child. But some memories are there, for both of us, to cherish.

In the process of packing, we came across black and white photographs which became a doorway into those precious memories. My Dad was a printer by trade, and one of his  hobbies was photography. He not only knew how to take incredible pictures, but he was also a master at developing them. Growing up in southern Africa as missionary kids, my siblings and I spent hours sitting very still while Dad took hundreds of pictures in game reserves, villages, and wherever else we happened to travel. We spent many more hours with Dad in his makeshift dark room (usually in our bathroom), where we watched with delight while pictures magically took shape before our eyes. Once, Dad even filled the bathtub with chemicals so that he could develop a large rendition of a glorious african sunset he captured.

Although it is difficult to watch the Dad I know disappear, I am thankful for many things:

1. The godly example my Dad set for me. He not only taught me about Jesus, but he also modelled Jesus for me.
2. Many happy memories I have of times with my Dad - family holidays, playing table games, going fishing, camping.
3. The love of photography passed on to me by my Dad.
4. Many years with my Dad and the privilege of watching him grow old. I know many people do not have this privilege.
5. This life is not all there is. One of my Dad's favourite songs is, "When we all get to Heaven." 

I have some of these treasured times in picture format. I hope you enjoy a small glimpse of the memories I have because of my Dad.

A home-made lathe used to carve beautiful wooden candlesticks

A closer look at the candlestick

It's a two-person job - one turns the lathe while the other carves

The eldest lady we met - 104!

Winnowing 

Making flour!

Ruth L. Snyder

Ruth was privileged to spend the first 10 years of her life in southern africa where her parents were missionaries. She now lives in northeastern Alberta with her husband, Kendall and their five children.

InScribers Review: Embracing Your Second Calling - Review by Violet Nesdoly

From the moment I saw this book’s title and read a description of it, I knew it was one I had to read. Now that I have I can, without hesitation, recommend Embracing Your Second Calling: Find Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life by Dale Hanson Bourke to any and every woman in the second half of life.

Bourke begins by identifying the issues aging women face. Among them is the loss of many of the things society values – like looks, power, and ambition. She describes how these are either fading naturally or losing their appeal. She tells her own story and, using the example of Naomi from the Bible, talks about how one can get through this time not only gracefully but in a way that enriches oneself and others. I found the chapters dealing with the past, idols, prayer, and friends especially probing.

Bourke’s writing style is warm, companionable and interesting – sprinkled, as the text is, with lots of anecdotes. Sidebars, in the form of text boxes, supplement the main chapter sections.“Reflect” boxes contain questions for personal reflection, journaling or group discussion (e.g.: "What are you doing today that is an investment in the future?” p. 105).

“Act” sections have suggestions for action (e.g.:“Find a friend who wants to try a prayer adventure with you. Try walking and praying out loud. Or meet together and read a classic book on prayer such as The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence” p. 146).

Quotes are also scattered throughout the text.

Each chapter ends with a personalized prayer that gives the reader another window on how to apply what she has just read.

The book’s end matter has a section of footnotes and a couple of pages of “Recommended Resources” – both books and websites.

The only criticism I have of the book is the way it’s bound. My paperback volume has a plastic film laminated to the paper. The film started to peel away as soon as I began handling it. Resisting the urge to peel more is as hard as not picking at a scab or ripping loose wallpaper. My poor book looks like it needs a face lift of its own.

That little matter aside, I found this an altogether uplifting, encouraging, and affirming read. I am using the “Reflect” sections as journal prompts to help me dig deeper into my own past, current motivations, and future expectations. Bourke has given me lots to think about and this book will be my companion for a while.

Besides personal use, I can see Embracing Your Second Calling being useful as a springboard for group study and discussion. I don’t think the groups would even have to be confined to middle-aged or older women. For the mindset and spiritual outlook Bourke describes in her maturing self are not restricted to women who have reached a certain age, but are available to women of any age open to spiritual renewal and continuing spiritual health and usefulness.

I actually put my money where my mouth was, and ordered five copies to give away to sisters and friends. With the bulk order, I even saved shipping costs. It's a good deal all around!

Read a Christianity Today interview with Dale Hanson Bourke.

Title: Embracing Your Second Calling: Find Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life
Author: Dale Hanson Bourke
Publisher: Thomas Nelson, May 2010, Paperback, 240 pages

ISBN-10: 0849946972 
ISBN-13: 978-0849946974

****************************

Read a Christianity Today interview with Dale Hanson Bourke.

(Article first published as Book Review: Embracing Your Second Calling: Find Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life by Dale Hanson Bourke on Blogcritics. I received a copy of this book as a gift from the publisher for the purpose of writing a review.)

***************

Violet Nesdoly
Website: www.violetnesdoly.com
Personal blog promptings
Writerly blog Line upon line
Daily devotions for children Bible Drive-Thru 
Daily devotions for adults: Other Food: daily devo
A poem portfolio

The O Word - Nesdoly

Me - at six months

...and now

I've been thinking for the last little while about getting old, about writing and aging, about aging writers and writers aging...

My thoughts along this line were focused by an interesting piece on the Novel Matters blog called "Have You Been Gray Listed?" That day I also read Deborah Gyapong's musings along similar lines.

Though growing old as a writer isn't talked about much, it's probably a bigger concern to many of us than our silence would indicate. There are certainly enough of us, judging by all the gray heads in photos of most writing conferences and events.

At the end of this month is the third anniversary of my mom's death. Shortly after she died I felt the need to find out all I could about death - the natural end of aging. I found Sherwin B. Nuland's How We Die both interesting and thought-provoking. Here, for another little take on aging, are some thoughts spurred by a passage from the book.

On reading How We Die

“...whether it is the anarchy of disturbed biochemistry or the direct result of its opposite – a carefully orchestrated genetic ride to death – we die of old age because we have been worn and torn and programmed to cave in.” Sherwin B. Nuland in How We Die

Suddenly the pain in my toe
and the intermittent twinge
from my sciatic nerve
are more sinister than a mere
squeak in the brakes.
Sputter of forgotten
names, hesitation
while I search
for the right word,
stall mid-
sentence may indicate
there really is a problem with my computer,
though my burgeoning girth would say
gas mileage is improving
which, they tell me
is not untypical for us vintage models.

We are not unattractive
with our custom-painted exteriors
mag-wheel stilettos and Gucci lamps,
though the gray rust
keeps coming through
no matter how often we L’Oreal it away
and the age spots and dents
don’t disappear
even though we change
the Oil of Olay.

My odometer remains hopeful,
though I have heard of models my age
going up in a blue cloud of cancer
or grinding to a halt mid-trip
with a seized-up heart.

© 2006 by Violet Nesdoly


Aging, specifically as it relates to writers, is the theme I'm tackling this month at promptings. Come and visit. But hang with me for the duration. Though there's a lot of depressing stuff about growing old, it does have a silver lining!