May 21, 2017

Comfort-Another Setting on the Dryer? by Jocelyn Faire


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anaȉs Nin


My life has been turned upside down and inside out for the past twelve years. The word comfort seemed contradictory to the reality of life. How do we even define comfort? As a nurse the term comfort measures is one of the options for end of life living. This designation indicates that the patient has lived her life and death is near; a miracle is needed to bring back life.

There was not a comfortable moment in the writing of my book Who is Talking Out of My Head-Grief as an Out of Body Experience, other than knowing I had to do it. I had been given a story, I had had to live through a story, and I knew that I was supposed to share it. In many ways, I became the reluctant author.


What were the hurdles faced?


Fear of the outcome, fear of vulnerability—why would I put my struggles of grief out there for anyone else to see or to judge? Why? Because, when I was in the darkest of places, I wanted to hear from someone else who had gone through such pain and lived. The biggest hurdles were to believe that I could do it, to believe that I had been called to write it and to relinquish the outcome to God. The next big hurdle was to start. I knew God had asked me to share my story, but what did that mean? Obedience was the motivator to get me moving. And so I began typing. I started to take writing courses. Some days the words flowed, and many days the tears flowed more heavily than the words. It took three years to get to the point where I felt I could begin to think of publishing. And then I asked for professional help to edit the manuscript. If I was going to put the book out, I wanted it to be well done. I began to understand the need to be comfortable in my own skin, in my own story of loss. Most importantly I also experienced the comfort of a God who walks alongside.


“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ― Brené Brown


What were the results?


As I wrote my way through the experience of the sudden loss of two beautiful children, God and I wrestled on the Big Issues. I became a student of The Meaning of Life 101, following the journey of the questions. My appreciation for the bigger picture of life and its beauty increased tremendously. The most impactful results were the connections with others who had also experienced significant loss. A most recent affirmation came last month when an aboriginal woman, who had been a foster teenager in my sister's house some forty years ago, asked if she could meet me. Doris had lived through many horror stories herself. My sister had given Doris a copy of my book for her 55th birthday. Doris wanted to thank me personally for writing. She was very nervous to meet us, waiting outside in her vehicle until her grandson, who had driven her told her she could not stall any longer. We welcomed her with hugs and coffee.

She looked at me and said, “I have to tell you, that I have not read a book since high school, and I could not put your book down. Even when I went to Bingo I took it along, and in between the calling of numbers I continued to read. I think I have had this sadness for so long, that I had forgotten how to laugh. Your words brought hope.” Her words moved me.


You have all this evidence confirmed by your own eyes and ears. Shouldn't you be talking about it? Isaiah: 48, The Message



How do I continue to step out of my comfort zone? Life gets busy and I am private about my story, but when the spirit nudges me to share my words with people, I want to be open. One thing I hope to do is to end the six month hiatus I have taken from my Wordpress blog site. I'm still learning to be willing to share things I've learned along the way, to be sensitive to the journey others are on, to be willing to enter into their pain, and to be a walking reminder that there is much beauty and joy in this world.



Jocelyn is the author of Who is Talking Out of My Head-Grief as an Out of Body Experience. She is a seeker of beauty, a grandmother and world traveller-wanna-be.


9 comments:

  1. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. As Bobbi Junior would say, it is giving value for your an.

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  2. Thanks for sharing, Jocelyn. I have been reminded this last year that God doesn't waste our pain. Bravo for putting your grief into writing and sharing it with the world. May God continue to use your story to minister to others!

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  3. Hi Jocelyn. I so relate to your words. I have a story 'within' that also wants to be told and I have struggled to get it out for years with many of the same questions you faced. Thank you for this; it's a confirmation to keep going with it regardless of how long it takes.

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    1. Hi Gloria, I think when the time to remain tight in a bud becomes more painful, is the time to blossom. Keep on going!

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  4. Hi Jocelyn! Thank you for setting at least some of your heart words free to tell your story. As I have learned over the years, it takes guts to enter into the pain of others. You have expressed your story with class, dignity, and love. Those of us who grieve need you! Your words speak to us. They speak to me!

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    1. Thank you Alan for your encouragement. As I read in your post, you have also learned to walk alongside those in pain. It is holy ground.

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  5. Thanks Jocelyn for sharing your story. You have been one of my biggest encouragers on InScribe. I've gotten a glimpse of some of the pain you have suffered and the fact that you penned your trials into a book helped me in ways that you probably can't imagine. My story is similar - yet different from yours. I lost a son through estrangement but it's been 13 long years. No closure really. Some days I write and cry all at the same time. I don't want to feel alone. I don't want others in my situation to feel alone. I hurt. I grieve. Still, God is good. Finding my way on those dark days is not easy. Thank you for stepping out and sharing your loss. It isn't an easy thing to do. So true it is that it all starts with owning our story.

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    1. Thank you Vicki, I have sensed your pains and the connection. I also have a friend who lost her son through estrangement ... we have shed tears together. And yet, as you said, we believe that God is good. Many things I do not understand, but holding on to faith/God is one thing I must do.

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  6. May you and your story be blessed, Jocelyn. Great is God's faithfulness. Thanks for sharing your grief.

    I've read different quotes about sharing grief and joy. One quote is a Swedish proverb that says, "Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief.”

    How great to hear that your readers, like the woman you mention in your blog, appreciate the fact that you obeyed the Spirit's nudging you to tell your story. You have divided her sorrow, Jocelyn. May God bless you for your obedience,

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