Our
neighbor’s new puppy grew quickly into a mature German
Shepherd dog,
purebred, high strung, yet
often chained and ignored in their backyard. Elsa became frustrated
and aggressive
without proper obedience training and attention. One day as I was
walking to my car, she bolted past the legs of her
owner at the open door
and ran right at
me barking furiously, teeth bared, hackles raised. I threw
my hands up
and shouted at her, which made her stop in her tracks, giving the
neighbor just enough time to grab
her by the collar
before she lunged at me. The encounter left me shaken. For days
afterwards I carried a broom when I left the house, ready to defend
myself from an unrestrained dog.
Unleashing
an unpredictable force can lead to unexpected
consequences.
At
this point in my writing journey I see myself trying
to control
a lion of a story which, if
unleashed,
could
grab me by the throat at
any moment
and shake me violently.
Fear of unknown consequences often keeps me from giving the story
freedom to be told. Yet
at the same time, this story is the writing dream God makes quite
clear He wants me to pursue.
What
if the writing dream I’ve
been
given scares
as much
as it
excites?
What
if unleashing the dream releases
painful remembrances of emotional trauma and pain?
What
happens when my fingers are hesitant to unclasp the leash, yet the dream continues to
strain against its restrictions, eager to be free?
I
must be honest in
admitting
that I come to this dream reluctantly.
It does not fill me with pleasure to
chronicle
the details of how I almost disappeared when
I was married to a sociopath. I do
not want to
revisit
the years of neglect, lies, betrayal and emotional abuse. Those
painful times are in the past. God has since
worked
a healing in my heart and life, for which I am incredibly grateful.
But the scars still twinge when
I recall
how
they came to be there,
and the memories stir up echoes of the deep pain of those heart
wounds.
So
what do I do with this dream that will not let me go? There must be a
purpose in
it.
God
sometimes
gives
me glimpses of the lion set free and what it can accomplish for Him.
Lions are dangerous animals but
they have a place in the scheme of nature which no other animal can
fulfill. Jesus was given the title the
“Lion
of the
tribe of Judah”(Rev.
5:5),
depicting
Him with the majesty and strength of a lion, “mighty
among beasts, who retreats before nothing.” (Prov.
30:30)
Because
this lion
of a dream
is given by God, then I must not retreat before the distracting
strategies
of the enemy, who would like nothing better than to see it die
unfulfilled. In
obedience I must go forward.
I
am learning to look at this daunting task from God’s perspective.
When I view
writing about my difficult experiences as a way to help others
suffering at the hands of a
sociopath, it
takes on a purpose far outweighing my own discomfort. It helps me to
think of it as God’s story, told within the context of my own. Only
His intimate care, love and protection saw me through those dark
days. He is the hero whose presence is woven
into every detail of my story.
I believe
its purpose is
to offer
hope to others
trapped as I was, hope only He can give. Because
Jesus saw me through the dark
valley,
He can
do the same for them.
So
I pray for the fortitude to set aside my own past pain and unleash
this lion of a story, then see what unexpected consequences God will
bring about.
When
God created me in Christ Jesus, He had good works prepared in advance
for me to do.
(Eph. 2:10 NIV) I
have it in writing that such confidence is mine through Christ before
God, not
that I am competent in myself to claim anything for myself, but my
competence comes from God.
(my
paraphrase
of 2 Cor. 3:4-5) God
gives assurance
in His Word
that when doubts arise
I am to remember that His
Spirit lives within me
to help realize
the dream He has given.
My part is to respond
in faith and obedience.
Is anything impossible for
God? Can feelings of inadequacy or
fear tether the Lion
when His power is limitless and His purposes have
teeth?
“Aslan is a lion --- the
Lion, the great Lion.”
“Ooh”, said Susan. “I
thought he was a man. Is he --- quite safe?’
“Safe? Who said anything
about safe? Of course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the
king, I tell you!”
~ C. S. Lewis – The Lion,
the Witch and the Wardrobe
