While contemplating this month’s topic, creating beauty
with words, it occurred to me that writing a eulogy presents a time to write beautiful
images of a loved one. I recalled my recent conversation with my 88-year-old
mother. She had described the memorial service for my Aunt Dolly. Both of them
widows following decades of marriage, they had been daily confidantes sharing
emotional heartaches and happy celebrations.
Mother lamented that no one spoke of Dolly’s genuine
compassion, or constant devotion to every member of her family, immediate and
extended.
“Everyone who spoke gave anecdotes of comical moments about
how she joked and laughed with people,” my mother said.
“What did you want to hear?” I asked.
“How she loved,” she simply replied.
My mother lives in Pennsylvania, while I reside in the
foothills outside of Calgary, Alberta. We spend a few weeks together throughout
each year via cross-country journeys, but mostly we visit daily through our
phone calls. Often, I jot down questions or prompts I will use to steer our
chats into more meaningful conversations.
While she reminisces, I scribble notes so I can capture her
memories.
I have been applauding myself for wisely using these
phone calls to help record our family history.
Now I realize I have been merely collecting anecdotes.
While I still want to write down the details in her
stories, what if I also focused on her and how she loved?
What if I told her now, while she still lives, how I
would write of her after she passes?
Certainly, I have sent cards and letters to her over
the years expressing my gratitude, my respect and my appreciation of her as my
mother. But would she want to understand more fully how I perceive her love, how
I understand how deeply she loved? I don’t want you to think that I have had an
ideal upbringing. All of us, especially
daughters, have a multi-layered, multi-winding, emotional relationship with our
mothers. Even so, can I begin to express to her while she is still here with
me, that I know… how she loved.
Can I write those beautiful words for her now as a
living tribute?
Because my mother has tried to live her life by the
fruit of the Spirit, I will follow Galatians 5:22-23 as my outline for describing
how she loved. One of my pastors pointed
out that perhaps this scripture denotes the fruit of the Spirit, as love. Everything
that follows basically describes what love is or what it can be.
It will become my challenge to speak of my mother’s
love within this fruit of the Spirit outline.
At the same time, I will inquire of myself, “How do I love? What do
others see today: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control?” Because I will
be outlining my life with these attributes will others perceive how I love? Will
I reflect what my mother has shown me?
I will tell her, and I will write of her. This is how
you have loved, Mother. This is how you still love. I hope my words of beauty offered for her
will provide a confirmation that when I will memorialize her, I won’t only
remember anecdotes but how she loved.
As I drove towards home the other day, I witnessed a spectacular
sunset. It seemed that God had traced each
cloud’s edge using a brush dipped in gold glitter. The sparkling outline shimmered with a beauty
so radiant and so searing, I felt compelled to break forth with words of praise
and awe.
Hmm…I pray that I will be inspired as I use the fruit
of the Spirit outline to create beautiful images that reflect back to my mother.
Like that sunset, as it portrayed its light with brilliance and intensity. I
pray that she will hear by those words, that I have traced her years of genuine
compassion and constant devotion with a living tribute that glowingly states,
This, this is how she loved.
