Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that is wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons? The MSG Matt 23:24
Tell us your story ... Taken out of
context the above verse inspired me to hit Publish with a
grin!
Truly, my first (and only book thus
far) was written by a reluctant author. Walking along the pathways in
my prairie home town—possibly two months after the accident that
ripped apart my well ordained and blessed life—there was a knowing,
a voice inside my head telling me that someday I would have to tell
my story. This knowing made me aware that I was to walk through the
grief journey in a way that would honour God. But I never found the
instruction manual on how to do grief well, the Good Grief Book
101. Surely God, after allowing two children to be taken away
from their parents, would want their marriage to survive? Surely God,
would orchestrate that. So I tried bargaining. I will write IF
there is a happy ending. I wanted the “and despite of their
loss, they lived happily ever after, with a deeper understanding of
God's love for them.” I wanted the story to conclude that way.
Instead God reminded me in the Message that God, not your marital
status defines your life. (1Corinthians 7:17) And I said—let's
tell some of your church people that. All I felt was judgment on top
of loss. And God said I will love you with an everlasting love.
Over the years He has reminded me that,
No one who hopes in me ever regrets it. (Isaiah 49:23)
The voice persisted, and in obedience I
began to write my story ... the conviction grew that God was with me
in the writing. He provided signs and encouragement along the way for
this reluctant author.
My writing began in earnest in
Australia in 2009. My first writing class happened there, an eight
week evening course on writing your own story. My opening chapter was
penned in that warm second floor classroom at the University of
Western Australia. The instructor gave valuable feedback on showing
versus telling. In my apartment kitchen I set up my laptop computer
on my concocted desk created by balancing a flat piece of wood across
the opened cupboard. And there I punched down the first few chapters.
I received excellent advice from my brainy sister, who has published
articles: Get it professionally edited, she told me. As I did not
know anyone in writing circles, I prayed about this and searched
online for a professional editor. I made contact with an editing
service in Calgary and after my manuscript was submitted, the chief
editor suggested I would benefit from a second read. I did not feel I
had the money for this, and this wonderful Crystal wrote back to me
to say ... “I share your faith, and I believe your story needs to
be told. I will finish the process without the extra fee.” I was
humbled, encouraged and very grateful.
What began in Australia was concluded
in Canada over a period of three and a half years. It was five years
ago that I officially launched Who Is Talking out of my Head? Grief
as an Out of Body Experience.
I also suggested to God, that He be in
charge of marketing. He encouraged me to sign up for a Social Media
class ... It was very difficult to promote a book that you hardly
want to talk about. A book that left me feeling quite vulnerable. Now
that more time has passed, I do not feel quite as exposed.
My granddaughter at the book launch
People have often asked me if writing
the book was cathartic. I would have to say No. Writing in my
journals was, that was where I could freely express myself. But in
the process of getting a book ready, it was the editing and
re-reading that I found painful. I do not think I ever got through
the first chapter without tears. In the process of showing not
telling, there was a lot of re-living the deep pain that happened. I
know the experts often suggest a ten year gap between the experience
and the writing. I knew that I would not be able to sit on this story
that long. So in that sense perhaps the healing did happen with the
writing of it.
I also did not want the tragedy to be
the final mark on my life. I do have another manuscript in the works.
What will become of it? I'm uncertain. This is a quote from the
introduction of BECOMING:
The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. Ralph Waldo Emerson
My,
isn't she BECOMING ...
But
becoming what?
Life
in the Aftermath
Becoming is a spiritually
reflective look at life, in the Aftermath of disappointment.
Disappointment comes in all shapes and sizes. From the moment we are
born we are trained to expect disappointment, trained to overcome it.
But there are times it overcomes us. And where do we go from there?
What will become of us when it overwhelms?
As part of an ever-changing life
landscape, it intrigues me that becoming is adjective, noun
and verb. As an adjective, becoming describes a person with
attractive qualities, as a noun it means “the process of coming to
be something or of passing into a state,” and as a verb it
indicates transition.
This series of reflections arise
from a woman who has experienced deep trauma, and who is coming to
terms with the aftermath of dramatic life changes.
This
is the story of a life rebuilding process, of becoming
someone
new, a becoming
change.
Jocelyn is the author of Who Is Talking Out of My Head, Grief as an Out of Body Experience
Jocelyn is the author of Who Is Talking Out of My Head, Grief as an Out of Body Experience
