Christmas Countdown ... by Jocelyn Faire

So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom. (Ps 90:12 NASB)

Only five days and we can breathe a sigh of relief. Christmas will be done for another year ... but, that is not how I want it to be. I'm not ready to move into January. I long for magical moments still to happen. How was I to know that the Christmas season would usher in unwanted emotional challenges? My husband of two years came with his own December angst. When we married in December 2016, we had enough excitement over new beginnings that the ghost of Christmases past was subdued. Harold and I both have a significant grief history, sadness mixes with the joy of seasonal celebrations. I had already learned to navigate my own Christmas with Spirited intention. My present quest is to bring spiritual depth into our combined celebrations.

First, I asked my daughters-in-law to let me know about grand-kid Christmas programs ... we wanted to attend. This past Sunday, we donned our gay apparel for 9am. (Unaware that it was ugly Christmas-sweater Sunday) We arrived with two non-performer granddaughters as the singing began. I shepherded the girls through the giant foyer of food options, sign in options with large overhead screens playing. I thought I was in the food court of the city shopping mall. As we entered the amphitheater... I realized I should have brought binoculars. We would never spot one tiny Brynn and her sister Taya on that massive stage of singers. Maybe it was the fog machine that blurred our vision, but the jumbotron came to came to the rescue as the cameras panned over the exuberant angel choir.

As I pondered how to keep the message of the shepherds and angels relevant, I realized my best preparation was to ready my heart with quiet moments, so that when chaos and madness erupted, I would have calm and grace to respond. Cease striving/Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

This morning after what I hoped was the final grocery shop, I planned for a personal God and me coffee break at the park. McDonald's coffee and muffin to the rescue. My own words to my daughter, when she was busy with three young children, came to me: sometimes you're in the drive-through blessing moments of life, you have to pick up encouragement on the run. So as I got to the drive through, I pressed the knob to roll down the window and nothing, I tried again, still nothing. It had frozen shut in last evening's rain. I had to open my door to order, pay and pick up. I laughed at the lesson: a window opened just a slit was not big enough for the size of Grace ... I needed the doors wide open. God set the lighter tone. Those twenty minutes with God and coffee were wonderful and had me smiling on the inside and out. The

snow began to fall, and I noticed tiny perfectly formed flakes land on my windshield. (pictured on the right) Incredibly delicate beauty right before my eyes. Another lesson: when the stress rises, recognize the tiny bits of grace that also arrive.

And that grace was put to the test immediately. I arrived home with groceries. Harold went to put items in the freezer, and I heard a soft thud and a groan from downstairs. Are you ok? I called racing down, and there he was moaning, on his knees. Thoughts of a heart issue had been immediate, but I was relieved it was just his back. Although, I know this can debilitate him for up to a week, (just in time for Christmas to be finished).

So teach me to number my days that I may present to you a heart of wisdom and gatherings of grace. I know the gifts don't wrap themselves, nor do ingredients form themselves into a meal, nor do back spasmed husbands help much. But with God's help, I can be calm and grace-filled, and we will all have a more wonderful Christmas. 

And my gift to you is this reading from one of my favorite inspirational books: The One Year book of Bible Promises by Ruth Harms Calkin

Lord, I asked you for abundant life

And You said Yes.

I asked you for an undisturbable joy

Independent of transitory change

And You said Yes.

I asked you to thread my tears into a song

When I was shattered and torn with grief

And You said Yes.

I asked you to steady me when I staggered—

To hold me when I struggled

To seize me when I resisted

And You said Yes ...

I asked you to be my Helper, my Friend

My Light in the darkness,

I asked you to guide me all my life

With Your wisdom, Your counsel

Your captivating Love

And You said Yes ...

You overwhelm me with joy

For you love to say Yes! 

He came into a broken world 2000 years ago ... He still comes to broken hearts today.

Blessings as you walk with He who loves to say Yes, into 2019

PS-I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions on how to make  the story meaningful for kids, thanks.

Closing the Head Heart Gap …. Jocelyn Faire

Closing the Head-Heart Gap 

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
― Annie Dillard

     The second week in January, the church's prayer focus week, and Wednesday night was a prayer labyrinth. While this was the normal youth night with the whole church invited, only a half dozen adults were brave enough to join. We were given brief instructions by the youth pastor: seven stations had been set up and we were encouraged to go slow. At station four, with a piece of bread in hand, I contemplated the words of Christ's most famous prayer ... specifically the line—Give us this day our daily bread. What did daily bread mean to us? Then we were to join someone for prayer. Being the person obedient to follow the format ... I sat for awhile, and wondered if I could just move on, or should I take a chance and pray with a stranger? Hmm .... just do it ... came the inner voice ... I tried to decide if this really was a spirit nudge, my compliance of structure, or my unwillingness.

“So it says we are to pray with someone.” I said to her.

“Can you give me a little more to go on?” she asked.

... “you know this segment about contemplating our need for daily bread, I'm not looking for daily bread, I'm looking for more than that. Perhaps that should be enough, but aren't we called to an abundant life? I am looking for more than just sustenance.”

She seemed a bit surprised, after a few more words I vaguely remember, she spoke of rejoicing in trials ... and then she prayed that I would have assurance of God's love.

I moved to station five.

We were in silent meditation, Carolyn slid beside me “Sorry to interrupt, I felt the spirit nudging me to speak about the assurance of God's love for you, for each of us.” She quoted a few verses.

“I know all that” I said. “I am struggling to truly believe it.”

She looked as though she was trying to find the right scriptures to comfort. I knew she'd be praying for me. The next morning, powerful words came via a book I divinely chanced upon. 

After thirty years in ministry R.T. Kendall says that: the hardest thing in the world to believe is that God really loves us. It is harder to believe that than to believe that there is a God or that Jesus died on the cross or even that He rose from the dead. It's not too difficult to believe that God will take care of you or that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” though we may not believe that they are for our good at the time ... No, the hardest thing in the world to believe is that God, the true God really loves us right now, just as we are.

In reading this month's posts, I see evidence of the struggle to close the gap between our need for productivity, and need for silence, for seeking God's presence.

Too often we gauge our lovability by productivity. 

Productivity is our measure, not God's.

To answer the blog question, this does impact my writing goals. I too need to focus first on listening to the spirit. He wants me to know that I am loved, and it is not because of who I am or what I do(write) or not write. I am loved because God acts out of His character. He cannot do otherwise. We have all heard that the gap between head and heart is the longest known eighteen inches; that space between what we intellectually know, and what we believe and do is a tough one to shorten.

One of my goals for this year is to begin to comprehend the depth of God's love for me, and perhaps to write about it.

RT Kendall

Jocelyn blogs about hope in the hard places at: http://whoistalking.wordpress.com

She is author of Who is Talking out of My Head, Grief as an Out of Body Experience