Marriage: My Defining Moment by Alan Anderson

 

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”--Ephesians 5:31.

I pondered the writing prompts for this month for days to prepare for the post. My life is blessed with many defining moments. Each is a story, an unfolding of chapters in my life. For this post I decided to write on one defining moment.

 

 

My Marriage

Next to my life as a Christian, marriage is my greatest defining moment. Marriage, the most intimate relationship between a woman and a man. A precious life shared by two people who cannot live without each other. This is how I see my marriage.

 

 

Years ago, when I was a young pastor, our church membership included several older married couples. I often watched them interact with each other. I viewed them like models of the evergreen trees I see every day and throughout the years.

 

 

My wife Terry and I live close to mountains and farms. Evergreen trees clothe the mountains which shelter the animals and birds native to the area. They encounter storms which seek to tear them apart. They endure pounding rain, freezing temperatures of winter, and scorching heat of summer. Through all this, the evergreens stand against the elements like fierce warriors.

 

 

The married couples I mentioned earlier were like these evergreen trees. As my relationship with these older couples matured, their stories taught me to stand firm in commitment to my marriage. Terry and I faced challenges through the years, and our marriage is stronger. In May 2022 we look forward to celebrating our forty-fourth wedding anniversary, Lord willing.

 

 

Marriage brings times of dance and romance. Believe me, I am not a model of a dancer. When certain music comes on, the wannabe dancer in me comes to life. I will grab Terry’s hand and show her my dance moves. For whatever reason, this always gives her reason to giggle. Perhaps this is a time for her to giggle at my wiggle.

 

 

Romance isn’t only for the young. Now I am older, I still see a need to perfect how I romance my wife. Romance, perhaps aside from the more physical intimacy, can be expressed in other ways. When I cook Terry a special meal, I invite her to sit back and enjoy the time. I still open doors for her and pull her chair out for her when we go to a restaurant for dinner (although this doesn’t happen often during the pandemic.) A favourite name I use for her is, “my darling.” Sometimes I look at her without her knowledge and think, “Wow, I am a blessed man!”

 

 

Marriage brings times of hugs and tears. Terry and I have both mourned the death of our parents. We also shed tears when five of our grandchildren went to heaven before they reached birth. We are adult orphans and grandparents who grieve.

 

 

We cherish our life together through the times of dance and romance and the hugs and tears. Hugs and their closeness bring smiles in the times of laughter, tears, and the between times. Believe me, I am a big hugger.

 

 

Marriage embraces me like a warm, intimate hug without end. Marriage also absorbs into my skin and covers me with my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and memories of those loved.

 

 

Alan lives in Deroche, B.C. with his wife, Terry. He contributed stories to Good Grief People by Angel Hope Publishing, 2017; Story by Story: The Power of a Writer, Unstoppable Writers Publishing, 2018. Alan has also written articles for FellowScript Magazine. Blog: https://scarredjoy.ca.

Alan has written blog posts for our InScribe blog since 2015.

The Hope of Tears in Painful Times By Bob Jones

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12, ESV)

Henri Nouwen wrote in his book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, that "it is often difficult to believe that there is much to think, speak or write about other than brokenness."

The themes of affliction, brokenness, prayer, tenacity, hope, and joy have been constants in my pastoral and writing journeys. When I show up on a Sunday to share a message with congregations I know their one common experience will be pain of some measure. When I write, I know readers will relate to stories of setbacks, tears, and comebacks.

Ancient advice to followers of Jesus is timeless wisdom for today: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12, ESV) These trilogies of trust create a therapeutic framework for tears.

The Metamorphosis of Your Soul

Tears are the language of the soul. When they are turned toward God, they are never wasted nor shed in vain. Though often shunned by man they are treasured by God.

Many Hebrew words for grieving, weeping and lamentation actually mean “to distill,” which means to “separate and change from one substance to another.” This word beautifully describes God’s renewing work in the midst of our tears. In the life long metamorphosis of our souls, God is continually transforming us into the image of Christ. The tears we pour out at the feet of Jesus, both joyful and sad, are the distillation of God’s eternal work in our lives.

Ken Gire wrote in Windows of the Soul, “In each tear is distilled something of eternity, something of love and compassion and tenderness, all things that originate in heaven and come to earth as a sacrament to the soul.” The closest communion with God comes through the sacrament of tears. Just as grapes are crushed to make wine and grain to make bread, so the elements of this sacrament come from the crushing experiences of life. So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. 

Going Forward Through Pain

I have frequently shared at funerals that if you follow your tears you will find your heart. If you find your heart you will find what is important to God. And if you find what is important to God you will know the answer to how you should go forward with your life.

I am assisting a woman to write her story of childhood sexual abuse. Through her tears she found what was important to God. As an eight-year-old she attended the same church as her abuser. He was family and a respected member of his community. Her little girl prayers were answered in adult life when she found healing. She turned her pain into hope by building a world class centre of recovery for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Jesus is distilling her tears into personal renewal and for the brokenness suffered by boys and girls.   

Jesus will do the same for you, and through you as a writer. 

Please leave a comment below.

I am a recovering perfectionist who collects Coca-Cola memorabilia and drinks iced tea. My walls are adorned with our sons’ framed football jerseys, and my bookshelves, with soul food. 

I write to grow hope, inspire people to be real, forge an authentic faith in Jesus, and discover their life purpose.

Please follow my writing at REVwords.com