The Power of Vulnerability by Lorrie Orr

 

At 242 feet in height and a circumference of over 32 feet, 
this is the largest Douglas Fir tree in the world. 

I am a homebody who likes to travel. Does that make any sense at all? Puttering in my house and garden delight my heart. I feel safe and secure here. Comfortable. Yet the lure of adventure lurks beneath the surface. My husband and I talk about places to explore, places near and far. Last week the two of us visited the west coast of Vancouver Island. While there we went looking for some infamous trees. 

As we jounced over potholed logging roads, following our maps, I felt vulnerable. We were in the deep forest with no cell phone coverage and no other people anywhere near. We hiked on rough trails. I thought that if there was an accident, it could be weeks or months before we were found. That was unnerving. I felt vulnerable. Uncertain. Yet when I stood at the base of the largest Douglas Fir Tree in the world, the elation was worth the uncomfortable feelings. 

Brené Brown says, "Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." To be human is to feel, to have emotions both positive and negative. Admitting to joy, anger, uncertainty, hurt, the vast array of human expression allows us as writers to connect to our readers and to the people in our lives. We connect through our likes and dislikes, our strengths and our weaknesses. When a reader has an aha moment - "You, too? I thought I was the only one" - the writer has succeeded in making a connection. 

The inescapable presence of vulnerability in life must be reflected in our writing for it opens dialogue and expresses authenticity. There is a risk in being open with our feelings for there are those who would use our honesty as weapons to wound us. Denial and suppression of emotion is a coping mechanism that can lead to disappointment, disillusionment, and detachment from God. I am reminded of Paul writing to the Ephesians and praying for them to know "...the incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead..." This amazing power is ours. We do not have to fear vulnerability, but to recognize the power of God to overcome past hurts and traumas in order to demonstrate, with utter humility and thankfulness, God's grace to all of us. 

Vulnerability lends power to our writing when we give the credit to God for all he has done. We trust him with our circumstances. Vulnerability allows our readers to identify with the same emotions they feel, and provides a wonderful way to connect. What might vulnerability look like to you? How does the power of God in Christ allow you to share past experiences with others? 

Lorrie Orr writes from her cozy home on Vancouver Island. Life is not always a bowl of cherries, but there is much sweetness because of God's love and grace. 

U is for Ugly, by Susan Barclay

 

Our stories are important and have value - even the "ugly" parts. Our stories aren't meant to be hidden; hiding the facts of our real lives implies shame, which is actually a component of pride. Think about it. 

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (5th edition) defines shame as 

1. A painful emotion caused by the awareness of having done something wrong or foolish. 
2. Respect for propriety or morality.
3. A pervasive, negative emotional state, usually originating in childhood, marked by chronic self-reproach and a sense of personal failure.

Pride says, "Don't let anyone know you've done something wrong or foolish. Don't let anyone know you've behaved improperly or immorally. Don't let anyone know you've failed." Pride wants to project an image of perfection, an image of superiority. Pride is associated with the enemy of our souls.

How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, "I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit on the mount of assembly on the heights of Zaphon; I will ascend to the tops of the clouds, I will make myself like the Most High" ~Isaiah 14:12-14

satan, the prince of pride, wants us to keep the embarrassing parts of our stories secret. He wants us to believe we need to project to the world a certain image of ourselves, an image of someone who has it all together, who does no wrong. When Adam and Eve "realized they were naked...they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves" (Genesis 3:7). Why? Because they wanted to appear clean, not just physically but spiritually. Of course, their efforts backfired because there's just no hiding from God.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. ~Hebrews 4:13

If we didn't know the ugly parts of Adam and Eve's story or the ugly parts of the stories of so many figures from the Bible, would Jesus's story have as much impact? How would we know we even need Jesus at all?

When we cover up the ugly parts of our stories, we do ourselves and others a disfavour and we fail to honour God. We're giving people a false impression of who we are and what our lives look like, and we're denying them the freedom to be real with us in exchange. Because, guess what? All of our stories have components of ugliness. There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

Author and social scientist, Brene Brown, has much to say about the value of vulnerability:

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experience.

Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

When we refuse to be vulnerable and truth-telling, we miss opportunities to connect, to share our experiences with others in ways that might help them, to show the empathy and compassion that naturally result from going through trials, to bless and be blessed. We even miss the opportunity to glorify God, which is a big reason we are here.

Sharing the ugly parts of our stories is hard. We don't know how others will respond. Will they react with kindness and understanding or with judgment and fear? Will they move toward or away from us? Will they grieve with us (if that's what we need), or ridicule and gossip about us? These are legitimate concerns. I know one couple who shared their heartbreaking story with their pastor and his wife. The pastor and his wife promised to walk alongside them in their journey, then immediately cut them off and had nothing more to do with them. This grieves the heart of God! 

What should we do with our ugly when we don't want the negative reactions but want to share our stories to encourage and give hope to others, to let them know what God has done in our lives? I believe there are a number of things:

1. Start by asking God what He wants you to do. Maybe there's a specific person, couple, family, or group that He wants you to share with. You don't have to spill your "guts" to the whole world unless He specifically says so.
2. Start also by telling your story to one or two people you absolutely trust to hold it gently. They may know someone else who needs to hear your experience and reassurance that God is on the throne. He is working behind the scenes even when we cannot see. His timing and ways are not ours.
   
3. Respond in obedience to God's leading and nudges. Start small if you have to. He honours the small beginnings (ref Zechariah 4:10). 
4. Ask yourself what you're willing to bear for His sake. Also, know yourself: how thick is your "skin"? As writers, we have likely all experienced rejection of our work, but rejection of our most personal stories and selves is another thing. Remember, that if God is calling you to share it, He's giving you the strength to bear the outcomes. If even just one person is helped by sharing, is it worth it?
   
5. Recognize that you're not responsible for how others respond. Leave their responses to the LORD, as well as any personal need for vindication. 
6. Make God the focus and centre of your story, not yourself.
7. Use a pen name if you feel God is calling you to share your story publicly but you're not ready to identify yourself.
8. Make sure you have permission to share from others who are intimately connected with your story. If your spouse, children, or parents are involved and the story reflects negatively on them, you may need to wait for them to be willing. Without their agreement, you can only share your part.
   
9. Remember the impact of other people's stories on you. I'm sure we've all read the work of authors whose stories have power. God can use our stories, too, especially if we're willing to be vulnerable! 
10. Remember that God has allowed our trials and struggles for a purpose. We aren't to be ashamed of them (in spite of any regrets we may have) and we aren't to hide them under a bushel. We were made for connection. Again, you don't have to share all the gory details with the whole world. You can dip your toes in the water with just one person.

I hope this post has given all of us food for thought. 

Be encouraged:

He gives "beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." ~Isaiah 61:3

[His] ways [are] higher than [our] ways and [His] thoughts than [our] thoughts ~Isaiah 55:9.

Trust Him to "do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." ~Ephesians 3:20

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose ~Romans 8:28. If it's not good, then He's not done!

Don't be ashamed of ugly. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of your faith (Hebrews 12:2), the Author of your story! Let Him use your story and turn for good what the enemy meant for evil (Genesis 50:20). Let Him make something beautiful out of your whole life. He is able!!

_____________________

For more about Susan Barclay and her writing, please visit www.susan-barclay.blogspot.com. 

 

Q is for Quotient, as In Emotional by Bob Jones

How is your EQ? 

All through my school years I was informed that IQ was the key to success. But then I learned about Emotional Quotient (EQ). The people who know about people say that EQ is more important than IQ when it comes to being successful.

 

I am a left-brain, conceptual kind of person. Logic and rational thinking come naturally. I’ve heard it said, “People won’t remember what you say, they will remember how you made them feel.” That’s all about EQ. By preference, I’m far more about choice of words and informing than inspiring. And I want to inspire. I wonder if using EQ is the difference between informing and inspiring in writing?

 

I coach myself to remember that the truth is, we’re driven by emotions. To write well, I need to understand people — their motivations, needs, hopes, fears, and dreams — and speak to them as the emotional, irrational beings we all are. I constantly need to remember that it’s OK to bring my whole self to the page, not just a few rational ideas. Could I ever be good at “people” and feelings? I hope so. 

 

 Logically, one of my writing goals for 2024 is to build my EQ.

 

9 Steps I Am Using to Build Emotional Intelligence

 

1. Take life seriously, but not taking myself seriously. If you take yourself seriously you will never fail because you won’t try anything new or hard or risky or controversial. And you will never succeed. I had to get used to having my motives and intelligence questioned, being misunderstood, and feeling like no one would ever ask me to write anything ever again.

 

2. Take a good hard look at addictions (we all have addictions: food, technology, thinking, alcohol, relationships, etc.) and considering how I use them to avoid feeling. My addiction is chips. Every kind of chip (except ketchup). Chips are my comfort food. I crave them when I need comfort and want to avoid feeling defeated or depressed.

 

3. Curiosity. Why do I act the way I do? What is driving me? Why do I have such a struggle with ending a sentence with the word “for”? All through school, we were informed that no intelligent writer would ever end a sentence with the word “for”. I am tempted to do it all the time. I feel lazy when I do because there must be a better grammatical way to end a sentence. And then I was set free by articles stating, “You can end a sentence with for.” Looks like ending a sentence with the word “for” is OK with everyday kind of people.

 

4. Seek to understand rather than judge. Believing that other people are doing the best they can (no matter how much you think the evidence screams otherwise) is the only way to live judgment free. You are doing the best you can, right? Same with others. And if their best is bad for you, there is no verse in God’s good Word that says you have to spend equal amounts of time with all people.

 

5. Have the courage to feel. Anger is a hard one for me. Not that I don’t get angry but that I don’t want others to see I am angry. Especially those who make me angry. And then I remember that no one can make me angry. Anger is a choice. Like rejoice. So saying, “I feel angry” rather than, “You made me angry” has been helpful for our marriage.

 

6. Slowing down. Really. S-L-O-W down. God’s pace is slow. Forty years in the wilderness and 2000 years since Jesus promised he was coming again soon.

 

7. Letting go of my ideas on how life should be and embracing how it actually is. I want there to be peace in Ukraine. I’ve been there, met new friends, little kids, and talented teens. I want them to live in freedom. I want to go back soon with my wife Jocelyn to introduce her to these wonderful people. But I have to be real and realize peace may be a long time coming.

 

8. Being vulnerable. Brené Brown is my champion of vulnerability. Her book, “Rising Strong” is my go to for vulnerability. She says, “Walking into our stories of hurt can feel dangerous.” I read her story about her addiction to alcohol. That was courageous to share. And she informed me how to live judgment free.

 

9. Giving up the irrational expectation that people and their actions should be logical and predictable. That's the only way not to die of disappointed when my brilliant ideas are found wanting by the people I am writing for.

 

How’s your EQ? How do you make use of it in your writing?

Sincerely, thank you for reading. And commenting.

 

Bob enjoys signing books for kids like Spider Mabel.

You can read weekly content from Bob on Ukraine and other interesting subjects at REVwords.com

O is for Openhearted Ramble: A Writer’s Struggle by Alan Anderson

 

Openheartedness, the free expression of one’s true feelings and opinions, is a strong focus of anything I write. Openheartedness can refer to being blunt or direct, but we do not have to be mean at the same time.

 

A ramble, whether in speech or written word, exhibits an aimless wandering on an erratic path through life. Readers may notice this post rambles.

 

What does a writer do when words will not come?

 

These past eighteen months have been a ramble for me because of a health condition that continues but is undiagnosed to date. I do not mention this for pity but to ask you, dear readers, a question. What does a writer do when words are silent?

 

I have been a contributor to this blog since 2015. This is the first post I have struggled with to write. The words crowding my mind argue with each other. They argue over how openhearted I will be in this post. Some words encourage this writer to be direct. Other words want me to hold back and ramble. How does one cope with such a struggle when words will not cooperate? Perhaps a ramble is the result and has a purpose.

 

Here is another question.

 

What does this writer do when words will not come?

 

An answer to this more personal question is, I write with my vulnerability. In this vulnerability, openheartedness is a companion to my periodic rambles. Today, as I sit with my laptop, it is two days before my post is due. Words in my head seem to have fallen asleep. This leaves me with another question.

 

Have my words abandoned me?

This question is torturous, yet I know words are beautiful. How can I express myself but through words, these darlings within my soul? Here, I continue to write, even words content to ramble.

 

If my words abandoned me, what would I do? Shut up my laptop? Throw away my pens and pencils? Burn my notepads?...No!

 

I pray to God, who has called me to write. I do this not as a simple solution, but for He who understands and cares. Prayer causes me to turn to the Great Author, our Master Creator. Through His words, He spoke all things into being and He can help me resurrect my words. This then causes me to turn to why I write.

 

To Whom I write.

 

I write to help others hope and to know they are not alone. I accept even my rambling has this purpose and is an answer to why I write.

 

I write to encourage those who struggle or feel abandoned by life to know someone cares. They may have ceased to keep their hope. This means my words can arise from their slumber, gather themselves, and realize we are all in the struggle together.

 

Dear writer and reader friends, please know in your struggles there is hope. Your struggles, as in mine, have a purpose even when we do not know what it is at this present time. Reach out to someone if need be and know you are not alone.

 

Take time with your words and love these darlings within your soul.

 

 

Alan lives in a small village called Deroche, British Columbia, with wife, Terry, and their poodle, Charlie. He enjoys walking on the dike near his home, where he finds inspiration for his writing. He occasionally writes articles for FellowScript Magazine and is a regular contributor to the InScribe Christian Writers’ Fellowship blog. His website, https://scarredjoy.ca, is under construction.

Honesty in Writing by Steph Beth Nickel

But I’m writing fiction. It isn’t true. So, how can it be honest?

I’m writing a memoir but can’t remember every detail. How can I write it honestly?

How vulnerable do I have to be on the page to be considered honest?

 

We can be honest in our writing—even if we’re not writing objective journalistic pieces.

 

What makes fiction honest?

There’s much truth to be found in fiction—even fiction that is set in a fantasy world or in space.

How many times have you felt connected to a character that is very different from yourself? Maybe you see your less-than-desirable traits in them or feel as if you would respond as they do. And hopefully, you recognize yourself in their emotional journey—maybe even in their personal growth.

Real. Believable. Authentic. Whether the reviewer is referring to the characters and/or the storyline, these are adjectives many (most?) of us want to hear applied to our own writing or to the novels we choose to read.

There is a lot of honesty in well-written fiction. We must remember honesty isn’t always synonymous with factual.

 

How can a memoir be honest—even if some of the facts have been lost over time?

While working on Paralympian Deb Willows’ first memoir, Living Beyond My Circumstances, we did our best to relay situations and dialogue as they happened.

Of course, none of us can remember our conversations verbatim—especially those that occurred years ago. However, if the conversation reflects the speaker’s voice and is something they would have said in that particular circumstance, it can still be considered honest.

When writing memoir, it’s important to stay in the memoirist’s POV. In this way, the author relays events as they remember them—even though others may remember the same events differently.

When is a memoir dishonest? When the author deliberately slants the story to deliberately lead readers to a conclusion that is not true.

 

Just how much of ourselves should we share?

It’s important to open our hearts and share elements of ourselves on the page. At its core, this is where our author voice comes from. Whether we’re writing fiction or nonfiction, each of us has a unique way of expressing ourselves. This is often what draws our readers back to our work time and time again.

But just how vulnerable do we have to be as writers to be labelled honest?

Whether on the page or in our dealings with others online, we have the right to decide how much of our personal life to share.

In my mind, honesty in writing includes integrity and authenticity. Are we proud to say, “I wrote that” or would we be embarrassed if someone found out?

Even in the fiction we write, do we see ourselves in our work? Are we expressing our worldview, whether overtly or as the underlying current? Is our work superficial or have we dug deep to make it real?

When writing nonfiction, does our voice ring through loud and clear?

 

How do you remain honest in your writing—even when your work is not strictly factual?

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and author. She is eclectically interested and eclectically involved. Steph is currently working on her coauthor's second memoir. Much has happened since Steph and Paralympian Deb Willows wrote Deb's first memoir, Living Beyond My Circumstances. Steph has a YA speculative fiction novel, hopefully, the first in a series; a devotional book on the gospel of John; and  the first in what she is tentatively calling the Hard Choices Series swirling around in her brain.

Be Brave! -- by Mary Folkerts

I may be a farm girl, but I despise mice! Maybe it's their quick and sneaky ways, but the little creatures hold a power over me that is not at all proportional to their size!

It was a warm fall day on the farm, and a niece from the city had come to help us collect tarp coverings from bee shelters in the field. The pollinators had done their summer's work, and the harvest was in progress.

Things were going well until the realization struck that mice had taken up residence in the tarps we were pulling in. Thus, you could find me yelling from a distance for niece Trudi to "be brave!" as I left her to do the initial investigation for the vermin on her own.

We have chuckled many times over my cowardly call for bravery on her part! But isn't that the truth of it in so many aspects of life? We want others to be brave enough to do things we feel incapable of doing. We love books where authors are honest; we cry tears at their words because we empathize with their pain. It makes me realize that anyone who writes to encourage their readers can't just call from their corner of safety for others to pen what they are too afraid to put into words. Writing takes bravery, as our best words are often written from vulnerability and pain.

Writing takes bravery; as our best words are

often written from vulnerability and pain.

Paul reminds us of this when we read, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV.

I don’t know where the notion came from that Christians won’t have trouble in their lives, as this verse clearly states that we will. But it also says that we will receive comfort from the God of all comfort when we experience difficult times. There are many dips and curves, valleys and deserts as we navigate life. Still, because we have felt the gentle hand of the Saviour comforting and giving us courage and strength, we can also share God’s comfort with others going through similar valleys.

Sharing personal pain exposes our weaknesses but highlights the power of what God can accomplish despite ourselves. It takes bravery to be honest, but in our authentic words, others can find hope and comfort as we share the comfort we received from our heavenly Father.

God wants to use your story as a testament to His love and restorative power. With His help, you can find the strength to be brave!

Mary Folkerts is mom to four kids and wife to a farmer, living on the southern prairies of Alberta, where the skies are large and the sunsets stunning. She is a Proverbs 31 ministries COMPEL Writers Training member and is involved in church ministries and music. Mary’s personal blog aims to encourage and inspire women and advocate for those with Down Syndrome, as their youngest child introduced them to this extraordinary new world. For more inspiration, check out Joy in the small things https://maryfolkerts.com/  or follow on Instagram www.instagram.com/maryfolkerts  

Writing Towards Vulnerability by Bob Jones

It has been said that faith feeds writing.

I write by faith without always making faith the subject of my writing.

Every keystroke or pen stroke is a profession of my faith.  

Because my personal beliefs are part of my identity what I believe inevitably ends up in my writing. Faith becomes the object, not the subject of writing.

Most people I meet want to believe in something “more,” to believe they have a purpose. They want to know why we are here and what our lives are about. They are looking for hope. Writing by faith grows hope.

Words always have been the chosen medium for the profession of faith. And words are how faith is shared. When you share your faith you are inviting people into the imperfections of your life. That takes being vulnerable.

Writing towards vulnerability takes faith.

Anne Lamott says: “Write toward vulnerability. Risk being un-liked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive. 

If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things.”

Vulnerability is the bridge to belief. In this way, writing feeds faith.

In late September 2018, Sheila Walsh, author of the soon to be released book, It’s Ok To Not Be Ok

spent a weekend with our church family. She swung wide the door to her faith experiences and invited us strangers to become her friends.

Sheila shared her story about starting one day as the co-host of the 700 Club and ending it on suicide watch in a psychiatric hospital in Virginia. On the floor of her isolation room is where she had the most profound encounter of her life. When she felt everyone had walked out on her, Jesus walked in.

Emblazoned on my memory are her words about Jesus - “I never knew you lived so close to the floor.”

A day later I sat with a group of professionals – many of whom were not people of faith - as they listened to Sheila plumb the depths of her pain. There was not a dry eye around the lunch tables as Sheila explained that when she felt she was losing her mind, God showed up to save her.

Faith was ignited in the spirits of those men and women that afternoon because of Sheila’s words.

(Inscribe's Marnie Pohlmann writes a post called Indelible - a beautiful illustration of vulnerability, faith and writing at it's purest. Her blog is worth your time.)

Writing straight into the emotional center of things is faith at it's boldest.

Be bold.

Write on.

I am a recovering perfectionist, who collects Coca-Cola memorabilia and drinks Iced Tea. My office walls are adorned with our sons’ framed football jerseys, and my library shelves, with soul food. I write to grow hope, inspire people to be real, forge an authentic faith in Jesus, and discover their life purpose.

Please follow my writing at Pointes Of View.

Showing Up Says It All by Bob Jones

Our mile long procession neared the cemetery. Riding shotgun in the lead car was my vantage point on a cold November afternoon. I had time to observe the trees lining the rural road, bereft of all greenery. Their lifeless branches matched the sombre mood of those traveling to a graveside to lay a nine-year old boy to rest. His twin brother proudly served as a pallbearer, helping to carry his sibling.

My mind was stripped bare by the sudden and tragic passing of a child I had never met but now could not forget. Family, friends and children huddled together against the chill under a grey sky. All ears were on this minister listening for words that could somehow make sense out of the senseless.

That’s when I am laid bare.

Words fail and the ones that do come sound hollow in my mind.

But speak I must.

With the words come tears.

We bow in prayer.

“Our Father in heaven…”

The casket is lowered into the earth.

Classmates of the boy have written loving words on strips of paper that they attach to ribbons tethering green balloons – his favorite color.

Together the students count down from 3 and set their balloons free.

We return to our vehicles, faces and hearts numbed by the cold.

Afterwards, a reception graciously hosted by the family, offers hot drinks, homemade sandwiches and baked goods – comfort food. “Thank you for your help. You were comforting.”

When words fail, showing up says it all. Laid bare of adjectives, nouns and verbs presence is a gift that speaks clearly.

To write with presence is the outcome of vulnerability.

Brene Brown observes, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” (Daring Greatly)

There is more than a little comfort knowing that showing up gives opportunity for new leaves to sprout again.

Trees, barren of leaves in November are not without hope. Springtime will come. Sprouts will green up.  Life will come.

Writers, barren of words in the Novembers of our souls, are not without hope.

Write on.

Robert (Bob) W. Jones is a recovering perfectionist, who collects Coca-Cola memorabilia and drinks Iced Tea. His office walls are adorned with his sons’ framed football jerseys, and his library shelves, with soul food. He writes to inspire people to be real, grow an authentic faith in Jesus, enjoy healthy relationships and discover their life purpose.

Bad Breath and Bravery by Connie Inglis

"Breathings of your heart." There's a warmth to that phrase. It is beautiful and gentle but honestly, not always realistic. We have all had morning breath, or garlic breath. Sometimes we snore. Sometimes we belch. Admittedly, sometimes our breathings are not pleasant. The physical solution is to brush our teeth, have a mint, chew some gum. But what about our internal breathings, when they are not gentle but ugly? What do we as writers do with that?

At the end of last year our family went through a tumultuous time (see my Dec. 2014 post). So much uncertainty. Yet through it all, God was faithful. We continue to work through things and He has brought abundant healing. Still, fear seems to be dying a slow death. Every now and then it lifts its moribund head and points its enfeebled finger at me. And to my surprise, I cringe.

Can I write about that? When life is foul? When human fears niggle at my heart and mind? I have found that it is especially in those dark times that I NEED to write in order to process. Last fall a writer friend gave me the book, Writing as a Way of Healing by Louise DeSalvo. This book has helped me write with the purpose to heal and I recommend it to anyone who needs a guide to be able to do that. I journalled my way through those months, kept my sanity, and clung to God. Many of the poems I wrote for November's NaNoWriMo (I did the Writer's Digest Poem-a-Day prompts) voiced my pain--some hope but mostly pain. It was therapy--Holy Spirit-driven therapy. I knew God's presence as I breathed out my fears, my anger, my angst, my questions. And I also knew that God did not condemn my vulnerability--that He loves me ALL the time and accepts me, bad breath and all. 

So, can I, should I, share these breathings with others? I am learning that if I truly DO believe that my worth is found in God and that He loves me unconditionally (Jeremiah 31:3), then I can be vulnerable with others. I can be brave in sharing who I really am in my writing. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown says it this way: "Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection." 

Last November, in the thick of a long list of unexpected events, something especially painful happened. A group of people that we felt safe with came alongside us in all our questions of what to do. But instead of showing grace and love with a listening ear, they bombarded us with questions, gave us advice, and then shunned us when all we needed was support. I was so hurt and angered by the experience that for a while I couldn't even voice my pain. But I found I could write my pain and it helped me heal. 

Since then, I've had two opportunities to come alongside someone struggling in the same way. God gave me the courage to be vulnerable and share a specific poem--an ugly poem that expressed my pain. My breathings did not offer answers but they did offer connection and comfort. They knew that I understood their pain and anger and that they weren't alone. And both these people thanked me for my honesty. 

And now God is asking me to be brave right now and share this poem here. My prayer is that it will resonate with someone who has felt rejection and offer comfort. I must also add: I am SO thankful that God never rejects me, never rejects you--that His love is unlimited and relentless.

Rejection

Those sorries said are whitewashed tombs,

A cultured, hollow word,

A sorry here, a sorry there,

So heartless, dead, absurd.

You speak of care so tenderly,

With arms so stiff and cold,

In corpse-like form you shut the door,

And toss me from the fold.

Sepulchre of hypocrisy,

Rejection’s work is done,

For actions are the tell-tale sign,

And yours—they count for none.