Connection - Marnie Pohlmann

The posts this month describing the 2019 Inscribe Fall Conference have been interesting. Many who attended seemed to enjoy the change in format, at first wary of this “Open Space” concept yet willing to participate. Most registrants came away enjoying the change, surprised at what they learned and how God worked despite not having workshop teachers. The worship times and devotionals were meaningful. Not that past years were not just as impacting; this year was simply… different.

I did not participate in the conversations as much as others at this year’s Conference. I stayed in my comfort zone, struggling to get the Stripe payment system working. I was also people-watching. What, exactly, was I seeing?

I watched people network with one another, whether in a group session or sitting with friends over coffee. We all had both writing and God in common, which added to the ease of communication, but there was something more. I saw people sharing freely, whether they had known each other for years or had just met. 

People mentioned being ministered to. What was it about Open Space that encouraged this? I have a theory.

I saw relationships growing. Individuals were sharing deeply. They were well past the what-do-you-write type of how’s-the-weather talk. Speakers were freely sharing. Listeners were caring and attentive. Attendees of all ages were learning from one another.

There is a deeper level of conversation that feeds our souls and frees us from remaining in the polite society level of relationship. God has been teaching me about this kind of communication, encouraging me to develop the skill of speaking with both friends and strangers to reach that deeper sharing more quickly.

This past Spring, I attended a women’s simulcast conference. The concept of asking questions that lead to more honest conversation was demonstrated during the two days. Women were equipped to share transparently, learning a simple way to speak to neighbours, coworkers, and each other to develop relationships and introduce God through caring communication.  Google “IF: Gathering” and you can discover what it’s all about. Perhaps there will be an IF: Local near you. There will be another in Fort St John this coming February.

Most of you probably already have this communication skill, whether unconsciously as part of your personality or consciously practicing relationship building. The idea is not new. As writers, we know about asking open-ended questions that cannot be answered with one word and provide more valuable information. As Christians, we understand the need for mentoring, discipling, and encouragement. But I am only now recognizing the difference that connecting in deeper conversation can make in a relationship.

Parents use this style with their children. Ask a child how school was that day and you will probably get “Fine.” Ask a child to describe what they enjoyed at school you may get a story about kindness, a good grade, or an interesting topic of study.

Jesus used this kind of communication with his disciples and the crowds. He asked questions. He used everyday life to introduce spiritual truth. He listened and watched and knew the heart of his disciples and of strangers in the crowds. Jesus quickly reached an intimate relationship with all he spoke with. God in us only makes a difference to others when we are in an actual relationship; more than a wave-on-garbage-day relationship but one where listening and caring and sharing is purposed.

From Old Testament times, our relationships were meant to have a purpose - to experience and share God in our everyday life. Deuteronomy 6:4-10 describes this communication to the nation of Israel.

“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

(New Living Translation – italics added.)

We can use this form of communication at church, work, or across the fences in your neighbourhood. Rather than asking how their week was, which will usually get the “Fine” or “Good” answer, take the risk to begin a conversation on more than a surface level. Know, however, that this kind of conversation is never one-sided. You, too, must be prepared to share your heart.

Taking an honest interest in others may be easier when we have writing and God in common, like at Conference, but our calling is to communicate with both printed and oral words in a transparent way that allows God to shine through.

Some topics or questions to start a connection.

The best moment of the past week.
A relationship you struggled with this week.
What you are using for your daily devotions right now.
The number of words you think you wrote this week.
How you feel about (insert current news story.)
Who you are looking forward to getting together with next week (or over Christmas.)
Where you have been in the past year that you would recommend someone visit.
When/how you met your spouse or God.
Why you chose your profession. What led you to live in this neighbourhood.
Who the person in your genealogy is whose story is most interesting.
Who you admire that you would like to know more about.